(no subject)
KING OF THE CASTLE
I stood in the sun, with life laid out in front of me, bright and strong and noisy. I bared my teeth, and my father answered with the same. We circled each other, while he smiled and made small sudden shifts of his feet like a wrestler, and then he dived at me. I was a fish in his hands, my little legs slippery with dew, my eyes quickened by looking at everything as a game about to begin. Then he got me, lifting me into the air by my midriff, and I answered with a bite of his wrist. He shouted and almost dropped me, and I escaped with a gleeful cry. I crouched further off, before I could see that he was hurt, so I came back to him.
"You mustn't use your teeth like that."
"I'm sorry, Daddy."
"It's alright. Daddy's always OK really."
Then he grabbed me and pinioned me to the floor. I started laughing as he began to tickle me, but it was too rough and after a while I had tears in my eyes. Then he hugged me to him, and I felt the irritation of his stubble on my cheek. I reached down and picked up the miniature toy tiger he had bought me that had slipped from my pocket onto the grass. He took my hand, and his big sad face looked down at me. I would always lose my chatter in the silence that followed him around. I wanted to let him know that it was alright, so I squeezed his hand.
"What do you want to do now, Laura?"
"We could play king of the castle. I'll be king."
"OK. Then what happens?"
"Well ... well ... you can be the monster trying to get me out from the castle."
He jumped into character.
"I'll give you ten seconds."
I squealed and ran to my tree house, which I knew he couldn't climb. I scrambled up the bits of wood nailed into the tree, and looked around and shouted:
"I'm the king of you, monster!"
My voice echoed uncertainly in the empty woods. There was a wide platform beneath my feet, and I couldn't see beneath it. The sun was weak in the forest and dark shapes sprang at the eye everywhere you looked. The grey birches leaned against each other above the blue-black earth, too thin for birds to sing in. Suddenly I was cold.
"Monster?"
The platform surrounded a tree trunk at its centre, and I walked around to the other side, not certain which way he had come. Fallen trunks that had collected dead leaves provided perfect shelter, and the wet soil cushioned every sound. I looked up into the branches of the tree above me, with some fearful notion that he was sitting in them watching me. I got on my knees but could not really make out what was beneath me. I imagined him pacing there, his face suddenly blurred in darkness, the whites of his eyes looking up at me.
"Come out, I can see you!"
My voice died again under the cold light filtering through the pale branches of the trees.
"Daddy, I give up!"
I sat down and my lips began to tremble. I hugged my knees to me and tried to keep from the edges of the platform.
"I want to go in, Daddy, please!"
I was alone, but I didn't feel alone. I imagined him lying injured somewhere and I began to feel scared for him. Tears began running down my cheeks. I went over to the edge, took a shuddering breath and stuck a leg onto the first block of wood. Suddenly the leg was grabbed and I was pulled from the platform. I screamed and screamed. I shut my eyes tight, and even though I heard his voice speaking I imagined it was the monster, tricking me. I only opened them when I felt that stiff hair on my cheeks, and, seeing my father's kind and worried face, blubbered into his arms while he kept on telling me it was alright, and that it was time for tea.
I stood in the sun, with life laid out in front of me, bright and strong and noisy. I bared my teeth, and my father answered with the same. We circled each other, while he smiled and made small sudden shifts of his feet like a wrestler, and then he dived at me. I was a fish in his hands, my little legs slippery with dew, my eyes quickened by looking at everything as a game about to begin. Then he got me, lifting me into the air by my midriff, and I answered with a bite of his wrist. He shouted and almost dropped me, and I escaped with a gleeful cry. I crouched further off, before I could see that he was hurt, so I came back to him.
"You mustn't use your teeth like that."
"I'm sorry, Daddy."
"It's alright. Daddy's always OK really."
Then he grabbed me and pinioned me to the floor. I started laughing as he began to tickle me, but it was too rough and after a while I had tears in my eyes. Then he hugged me to him, and I felt the irritation of his stubble on my cheek. I reached down and picked up the miniature toy tiger he had bought me that had slipped from my pocket onto the grass. He took my hand, and his big sad face looked down at me. I would always lose my chatter in the silence that followed him around. I wanted to let him know that it was alright, so I squeezed his hand.
"What do you want to do now, Laura?"
"We could play king of the castle. I'll be king."
"OK. Then what happens?"
"Well ... well ... you can be the monster trying to get me out from the castle."
He jumped into character.
"I'll give you ten seconds."
I squealed and ran to my tree house, which I knew he couldn't climb. I scrambled up the bits of wood nailed into the tree, and looked around and shouted:
"I'm the king of you, monster!"
My voice echoed uncertainly in the empty woods. There was a wide platform beneath my feet, and I couldn't see beneath it. The sun was weak in the forest and dark shapes sprang at the eye everywhere you looked. The grey birches leaned against each other above the blue-black earth, too thin for birds to sing in. Suddenly I was cold.
"Monster?"
The platform surrounded a tree trunk at its centre, and I walked around to the other side, not certain which way he had come. Fallen trunks that had collected dead leaves provided perfect shelter, and the wet soil cushioned every sound. I looked up into the branches of the tree above me, with some fearful notion that he was sitting in them watching me. I got on my knees but could not really make out what was beneath me. I imagined him pacing there, his face suddenly blurred in darkness, the whites of his eyes looking up at me.
"Come out, I can see you!"
My voice died again under the cold light filtering through the pale branches of the trees.
"Daddy, I give up!"
I sat down and my lips began to tremble. I hugged my knees to me and tried to keep from the edges of the platform.
"I want to go in, Daddy, please!"
I was alone, but I didn't feel alone. I imagined him lying injured somewhere and I began to feel scared for him. Tears began running down my cheeks. I went over to the edge, took a shuddering breath and stuck a leg onto the first block of wood. Suddenly the leg was grabbed and I was pulled from the platform. I screamed and screamed. I shut my eyes tight, and even though I heard his voice speaking I imagined it was the monster, tricking me. I only opened them when I felt that stiff hair on my cheeks, and, seeing my father's kind and worried face, blubbered into his arms while he kept on telling me it was alright, and that it was time for tea.