Look Back in Wonder - Chapter Two
CHAPTER TWO
They had been telling each other about their day when Rodney realised Daylia was making her way back across the village square, from the direction of the temple that stood out on the plain on the far side of the hamlet, Teyla close on her heels with a smile on her face. Rodney watched them, frown still in place, something was up.
He noticed when John tensed next to him and Ronon subsequently tensed in response to them, reading them so easily, and turned to see what had sparked the disturbance. He seemed to relax as soon as he saw Teyla smiling, which Rodney had to agree was probably the only reason John wasn’t grabbing him by the scruff of the collar and dragging him to the ring.
Daylia came to stand by the table, looking at Rodney with so much contained joy that Rodney was instantly nervous. “I have great news, Dr. McKay. I have spoken to the priests and in honour of all that you have achieved for our people they will allow you to take a draught of the black nectar.”
“Black nectar?” Rodney turned to Teyla, “I presume I’m being hopelessly optimistic to think she means coffee?”
“It is a great honor, Rodney,” Teyla enthused. If anything, it was these words that made John tense even further, in their experience this normally translated to ‘do on pain of death’. Rodney was half expecting his spine to snap. But, Teyla wouldn’t let anything happen to me.
“What is it, Teyla? Why do they want me to drink it? More importantly, why would I want to drink it and is it compulsory?”
“No, it is not compulsory,” Daylia cut in, but her joy had dissipated, confusion now filling her pretty face. “Everything is about choices and this drink helps you to see your past choices, to enable you to make the right choices in this life. The drink is just like a sleeping balm, you will take before bed and sleep till midday tomorrow. When you awake you will know that I spoke the truth, I hope it will give you the confidence to find your soulmate once again in this life.”
“But it’s not compulsory?” Rodney stressed
Daylia had leant forward as she became more enthused, but at Rodney’s response she stood back up, shoulders sloping, she looked down at her feet when she answered quietly and simply, “No.” She seemed so disappointed, which just made Rodney feel more guilty that he should.
“I’m sorry,” Rodney felt compelled to say. He really liked Daylia, she was one of his favourites and he knew Daylia thought she was doing something good for him, “It’s just I can’t risk taking some drugged drink. I have allergies and I can’t risk any damage to my brain by taking drugs. Atlantis depends on me to keep her working, I’m sorry.”
Daylia’s head snapped up, “It is not a drug,” she replied indignantly. “It is a drink taken from the black berry tree that grows at the summit. There is only one fruit for every generation.”
“A drink that incites hallucinations,” Rodney clarified. “That sounds like a drug to me wherever it comes from,” Rodney said, trying to sound kindly but afraid he was coming off patronising and defensive.
A belief that seemed to be seconded by John as he laid a calming hand on Rodney’s shoulder as he leant forward to join the conversation. Rodney tried not to feel the fingers wrap around the muscle, tried not to think how the pinky finger was resting against the skin of his neck.
“Rodney,” John said in that tone that meant ‘you’re making it worse, shut up’, before looking up at Daylia with that look that would make a thirsty man believe dust was water. “He has an allergy that means if he eats a certain type of fruit he could die. We have medication to help him, but it still causes him pain. It’s why he avoids most foods and why I’ve been sampling the food before he eats, to make sure it’s okay. One of us is always with him when he eats off world to ensure he never ingests the wrong type of fruit.”
Daylia looked between them, with a glance to the plate of food in front of Rodney, no doubt remembering that he did indeed only eat the food that John had pointed out to him. “I did not realise, but if I speak to the priests I am sure that they would allow you to drink it too. You could say if it would be safe for Dr McKay. It’s just that he doesn’t believe and I...I’m afraid he’ll let the opportunity pass him by when it is time. Let us do this for him, let us help him find his soulmate, to give back something for the things he has given us.”
“Would you give us a few minutes to discuss it, please?” John asked.
Daylia nodded with a hopeful smile that made Rodney wince, before she turned and walked away.
Rodney started to rise, keeping a wary eye on her retreat.
“Where are you going?” John asked increasing the pressure in his hand to grip Rodney’s shoulder gently but firmly.
Rodney froze, ending up in a sort of half crouch as he threw his thumb over his shoulder, confusion and surprise in every corner of his face, “This is where we run for the gate isn’t it?”
“No, Rodney it’s not,” John said tiredly, after the obligatory eye roll.
Rodney sat back down slowly, looking at John warily, “You’re not going to ask me to take drugs for the good of Atlantis, are you?”
“You really have to ask that?” John asked as his hand slid away from Rodney's shoulder, an edge of hurt that he couldn’t quite keep out of his voice, as he raised an eyebrow and simply looked at him.
“No,” Rodney said guiltily, sorry for making John think he doubted him, even for a moment.
“All I was going to say was that we have the medical contingency here. They can test the drink to make sure it’s safe to drink, and then, if it’s safe, I will take a drink to make sure it is safe for you. Then it’s up to you. I think it would make these people feel like they were giving something back and would strengthen the bonds for future trade, plus it’s not as if you couldn’t use a goods night sleep, but the final choice will be yours and yours alone, okay?”
“You’d be okay? Taking the drink?” Rodney asked, surprised.
“I doubt I’ll be seeing my soulmate, and if by some miracle I do, then all the better. Basically I’ve got nothing to lose?” John said with a shrug.
“There are many cultures in Pegasus who have dream walkers,“ Teyla explained carefully, her voice was always carefully pronounced when she thought they were disrespecting someones beliefs. “It is not something that is normally shared. John is correct, to turn down an opportunity like this might well offend them. Daylia has sacrificed her turn to you to ensure you are given this chance, and would be disappointed if you declined, but the choice is yours to decide, Rodney. Just remember it is meant as an honour,” Teyla stressed, “A rare honour, you and John will be the first outsiders in their history to have received the tonic. Don’t just dismiss it, please think on it.”
Rodney nodded, “Okay, I’ll think on it.” He felt bad hoping the doctors would find the drink toxic in the face of Teyla’s brilliant smile.
Ronon had been polishing off the pork while they talked, looking between them as they spoke, watching quietly as Teyla left to request a sample for testing, only now turning back to John and Rodney as he asked, “Soulmates?”
John answered for them, “Daylia thinks that Rodney has a soulmate, and that this tonic will help him find her.”
Rodney froze, reaching for his drink in order to cover the fact he didn’t know what to say or do. If they were alone, Rodney liked to think he would have taken the chance to correct John, tell him that the soulmate could as easily be a him, as it was a her, not that he truly believed they existed at all. However, the marines filled out the rest of the tables and although none were looking directly at them, he wasn’t stupid enough to think most, if not all, of them weren’t listening avidly.
Rodney was brash when he talked about his ideas, his intelligence. During his time with the military he had learnt that he was amongst the brightest minds on their payroll and so had no qualms about shouting it from the rooftops. Unfortunately, he had also learnt during his time with the military that, regardless of what the brass thought, the soldiers were made of individual human beings, with human frailties and human responses.
As much as the brass wanted to think of them as one organism, working to their will, it was not always the case. Outside of battle, some individuals were not so willing to forgive their fellow man for being attracted to his fellow man. Rodney had worked with the soldiers on Atlantis for long enough that he trusted them with his life. He had never experienced any bigotry, but then neither he nor his scientists had ever given them the chance to. Sexuality was as big a secret as the work they did, no one discussed it where soldiers could hear, all learning early on that it was a potential danger to do so. Over the years, things had greatly improved, but even if he thought they might be trusted, the automatic response to keep it hidden was as ingrained as breathing.
“You should do it,” Ronon said, his deep baritone voice rumbling through Rodney’s thoughts to bring him back to the present.
“Sorry? What?” Rodney exclaimed, at first taking Ronon’s statement to be in response to his own thoughts of correcting John.
“The drink,” Ronon clarified to Rodney's relief. “If you have a chance to find your soulmate, you should do it.”
“You believe in soulmates?” Rodney asked in disbelief, somehow associating believers with swooning girls more than muscle bound cavemen.
“I married my soulmate,” Ronon responded simply, continuing in the shocked silence, “and then I lost her. I miss her. Every day without her was a wasted day. If you have a chance to find yours then you should take it.”
“I…” Rodney stalled, what can I say that won’t sound feeble and pathetic. He looked down at his plate, at the nutty toffee slice he’d been saving, the last one on the table. He lifted up his plate and held it out to Ronon. “I’m sorry,” Rodney said softly, and as feeble as it remained, he hoped Ronon knew it came from the heart.
“Not your fault,” Ronon said with a shrug, but he took the dessert with a soft smile even though his eyes remained sad.
Rodney turned to John, hoping he would be able to say the right thing, and found John looking at him with a small smile, looking proud. It brought those butterflies back.
Ronon took his attention again as he asked, “Are you going to do it?”
“Er.. Yeah, yeah, I’ll do it,” because how could he say no, not when Ronon was smiling again, not when it meant taking the pain out of those eyes that had endured more than any man should, let alone one half Rodney’s age.
“Good,” Ronon said softly, and then put all his attention into his food. Rodney could appreciate the man’s priorities.
“You sure?” Sheppard asked softly.
Rodney turned to look at him, his eyes glancing over at Ronon once more before he turned back and nodded silently, regretfully before adding, “Well, as long as it’s citrus free obviously, there are limits.” Limit’s I’ll go to, even for team went unsaid, but John seemed to hear it.
John looked over at Ronon and nodded thoughtfully, as if he knew that Rodney couldn’t say no now. John’s hazel eyes found his again, “I’ll go first, even if the scientists say it’s okay. Just to make sure.”
Rodney found some of the worry inside ease, turning to warmth instead. Most people didn’t believe him, but John had always taken precautions, even before he actually witnessed one of his attacks. Rodney just nodded in response, unable or unwilling to actually voice how thankful he was for that without setting the butterflies in his stomach free for everyone to see.
“Erm, well. I’d better go check on my scientists for the night,” he said, suddenly jittery, no one seemed to notice.
He did just that, getting caught up in their work and making his way to his hut in the small hours. He lay on his bed for a long while, hoping that the nectar would be made of citrus and give him the excuse he wanted.
Mostly he didn’t believe it would work anyway, but it was that small part of him that wondered if it did work, would he see lifetime upon lifetime where he lived alone because deep down he truly believed science would be his only companion in this life. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know, because in ignorance there was always hope that somewhere out there was someone who was capable of loving him, and I would love them for that alone.
TBC ...... Chapter Three