WC Fic - The Only One
Something that occurred and had to be written down, even though I'm supposed to be doing SGAReverseBigBang. Anyhow, a little drabble on trust. Peter/Neal **Spoilers for Season 4**
Thanks to rabidchild for her help and advise on my first draft... and second... and third. LOL.
You are the only one
Peter paced his cell, he was in Neal’s world now and he was here because up until four years ago Peter had trusted in the law, trusted in anyone who wore an FBI badge to uphold that law and do the right thing. Four years later and Peter now knows he just didn’t have anything they wanted before, and now he does, he has Neal. Before Peter had floors upon floors of people that he trusted to watch his back, now he only has a handful of people and he can’t help but think back on a time when Neal told him he was trusted and he let the compliment slide as if it was nothing more important than a coffee order, because at the time he wanted to hear something else more.
“The only one what?” Peter had asked with baited breath, his heart hammering against his chest, an absence of sound in his ears as he’d waited, focused on Neal’s answer. Hope surging up for the first time, that maybe, just maybe....
“The only one I trust”
And Peter had slumped, releasing a sigh of disappointment. Yes trust, respect, fondness, loyalty, everything he should have been thankful for, except the one thing he wanted most... LOVE. Probably for the best, he’d thought at the time, after all, he couldn’t imagine life without El, but sometimes when he thought of Neal in that dirty white vest with biceps flexing, skin glowing with the fire of a forge, or walking down the stairs like Dino on stage at Vegas, sometimes when Neal smiled, Peter couldn’t help but wonder, what if.
Peter thought he’d been listening that day, thought he knew Neal but he hadn’t, or he would have heard the heart wrenching declaration for what it was. Four years later and Peter has come to realise that Neal loved everyone, and everyone loved him, but since he was told the truth about his father Neal had never trusted again, until Peter, and in Neal’s world, when you could trust no one, trust was everything.
Neal had loved Alex in Copenhagen, he’d loved Kate more than most, and yet still not enough to risk simple material things, like the location of his storage space. Peter thought Neal had tried to force himself to trust her in the end, but deep down he never had. Neal had argued for her against Peter and the others, but inside a little voice must have agreed with them. It was only at the end, when she proved he could trust her, and Neal had been so obviously shocked and surprised to hear it, that Peter realised he never truly had.
Neal had learnt early on that it was easier to get people to fall in love with him, than to trust him. A sharp suit, a bright smile and the right words and they all fell, just like he knew they would. He could get people to trust him, but only for a short time, trust never lasted as long as love and even love was a fleeting thing for Neal. Something on the surface that made him smile, made him want to be in that superficial, rose coloured moment in time for ever, because Neal was always waiting for the end that he deemed inevitable.
Neal was void of trust, it had to be earned and no one had earned his trust. Loyalty though, Neal gave that freely. He’d risk a lot for Mozzie who raised him up and always answered his SOS, he’d risk a lot for Sara who showed him how to walk the right path in the shadows and made it possible for him to walk his new path with Peter. Neal would risk a lot for Alex because he owed her for always making her second best to Kate but never fully letting her go. He’d risk everything for El because she let him into her home and because Peter loved her, needed her. Peter even realised that there was nothing Neal wouldn’t risk for him, nothing he wouldn’t sacrifice for him because he trusted Peter above all others.
Even knowing all this, Peter didn’t know everything, he still hadn’t realised that Neal didn’t just want to stay in one superficial moment with him, Neal wanted to live a life with Peter, experience every moment and on into the next. Every day with Peter had a depth of reality giving it a vivid clarity that he’d never known and Neal the chance to just be himself. Every moment revealed the rewards of trusting another person against all the odds.
To be trusted gave you power, but to trust, to tether yourself to another soul and trust them not to break you, left you vulnerable to them and yet invincible to the world. Neal placed his trust in Peter and felt like he was protected under the wings of angels. Whatever happened, Peter would always be there and Neal never doubted that.
That’s what Peter failed to hear that day, that in Neal’s world, trust was the white unicorn, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. That trust was born of every emotion, so much more than love alone, and someone who was trusted was to be treasured, protected, and preserved at the risk of all things.
But now Peter understands Neal a lot more and he’s a lot closer to the truth, now when the law he upheld has been used against him, when his world of trusted colleagues has shrunk to three, his associates to two and his friends to one. Out of everyone in this small world of six, seven including his wife, Peter only trusts one person to have the ability and the resources to orchestrate his release, either by the law or against it, and that’s Neal. Peter trusts that he will come for him because Neal is Peter’s white unicorn, his pot of gold, his trusted one.