Bullying
There has been some talk lately in the Internet about hitting back as a
solution to bullying. This booth makes me happy (people care) and angry
(if it was that simple, do you seriously think it would such a big
problem?). So I wrote a rant.
Bullying is not just about hitting people, it is about always finding
insults written on your locker, chewing gum in the lock, and your boots
filled with snow. It is about no one ever wanting to work with you in a
group. It is about always being the butt of the jokes, practical and
otherwise. It is about people telling others that you did [embarrassing
thing] when you did not. It is about talking about that you are smelly,
ugly or stupid. It is about being scared about going to the toilet if
anyone see you go in there. It is about being scared every single recess
in school, it is about always being the one who they throw spitballs at.
It is about knowing all the hiding spots in your school, about depending
on them in order to get some peace. It is about people laughing at every
mistake you make, and belittling your achievements. It is about not
wanting to go into the changing room for gym class because you know
what will happen.
It is the same basic tactics the net.trolls and flamers use, but in real
life. It is about telling everyone in school on Facebook that X is
stupid, ugly or has an uncool taste in music. And friending everyone in
the class but them. And not sitting down at the same table in the
cafeteria as they sit at (unless it is to harass them).
It is not solved by hitting people, not even for all the ones that are
able to do it. If it was that simple a school could eradicate bullying
in a fortnight, and 90% of the teachers would advice the victims to do
so. I can cite studies that report the same tendency; being bullied is
a predictor for being a bully (you learn by experience and observation
that that is what you do if you are in a position of strength, and that
given the choice between being bullied and being a bully the decision is
trivial).
Fixing bullying is hard. It is about teaching children (and adults,
one does not turn into driven snow at 18) that certain types of
behaviours are unacceptable, it is about showing the victims that they
have the support of the leaders (be it the bosses or the teachers), it
is about being willing to tell the bullies that you are no longer
welcome in this school, your school commute is now an hour longer, and
that the other core mates will be going to other schools. As of
Monday. It is about telling the "star" football player that he is not
allowed to compete, or even train with the team. It is about somehow
teaching the manipulative ones that it is NOT OK to always gossip
negatively about certain others. It is HARD.
Trust me, in good schools the teachers are fairly well aware of much the
bullying that takes place, but do not have the tools to combat it. It is
frustrating seeing someone always being scared and nervous, and
at the same time not having the time and resources to stop it. I would
be happy to work overtime, even unpaid overtime, if it would help, but
there simply is no way I could be there every moment of the school day
(and these days also filter the emails, texts and FB messages that the
victim gets). I patrol the "dark" corners where the bullies know that
the teachers seldom go, I make a detour to be nearby every time student
X is approaching student Y, I tell Y to tell me when things happen, I
tell X to leave Y alone, but I can not prevent all the bullying from
happening.
This entry was originally posted at http://deepwoods.dreamwidth.org/4438.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
solution to bullying. This booth makes me happy (people care) and angry
(if it was that simple, do you seriously think it would such a big
problem?). So I wrote a rant.
Bullying is not just about hitting people, it is about always finding
insults written on your locker, chewing gum in the lock, and your boots
filled with snow. It is about no one ever wanting to work with you in a
group. It is about always being the butt of the jokes, practical and
otherwise. It is about people telling others that you did [embarrassing
thing] when you did not. It is about talking about that you are smelly,
ugly or stupid. It is about being scared about going to the toilet if
anyone see you go in there. It is about being scared every single recess
in school, it is about always being the one who they throw spitballs at.
It is about knowing all the hiding spots in your school, about depending
on them in order to get some peace. It is about people laughing at every
mistake you make, and belittling your achievements. It is about not
wanting to go into the changing room for gym class because you know
what will happen.
It is the same basic tactics the net.trolls and flamers use, but in real
life. It is about telling everyone in school on Facebook that X is
stupid, ugly or has an uncool taste in music. And friending everyone in
the class but them. And not sitting down at the same table in the
cafeteria as they sit at (unless it is to harass them).
It is not solved by hitting people, not even for all the ones that are
able to do it. If it was that simple a school could eradicate bullying
in a fortnight, and 90% of the teachers would advice the victims to do
so. I can cite studies that report the same tendency; being bullied is
a predictor for being a bully (you learn by experience and observation
that that is what you do if you are in a position of strength, and that
given the choice between being bullied and being a bully the decision is
trivial).
Fixing bullying is hard. It is about teaching children (and adults,
one does not turn into driven snow at 18) that certain types of
behaviours are unacceptable, it is about showing the victims that they
have the support of the leaders (be it the bosses or the teachers), it
is about being willing to tell the bullies that you are no longer
welcome in this school, your school commute is now an hour longer, and
that the other core mates will be going to other schools. As of
Monday. It is about telling the "star" football player that he is not
allowed to compete, or even train with the team. It is about somehow
teaching the manipulative ones that it is NOT OK to always gossip
negatively about certain others. It is HARD.
Trust me, in good schools the teachers are fairly well aware of much the
bullying that takes place, but do not have the tools to combat it. It is
frustrating seeing someone always being scared and nervous, and
at the same time not having the time and resources to stop it. I would
be happy to work overtime, even unpaid overtime, if it would help, but
there simply is no way I could be there every moment of the school day
(and these days also filter the emails, texts and FB messages that the
victim gets). I patrol the "dark" corners where the bullies know that
the teachers seldom go, I make a detour to be nearby every time student
X is approaching student Y, I tell Y to tell me when things happen, I
tell X to leave Y alone, but I can not prevent all the bullying from
happening.
This entry was originally posted at http://deepwoods.dreamwidth.org/4438.html. Please comment there using OpenID.