Bottoming... (fanfic)

[paleogymnast]

Title: Bottoming… (Part 1 of Five Conversations)

Fandom/Genre: J2, PWP

Pairing: Jared/Jensen

Warnings: graphic m/m sex, swearing, rimming, bottom!Jared

Rating: NC-17 (for graphic sex and language)
Word Count: 4, 697 (22,890 for all of Five Conversations)

Disclaimer: I own nothing; the characters belong to themselves, and this doesn’t reflect anyone’s true sexual orientation or any events that really happened; purely for entertainment purposes; no money is being made.

A/N: Part of my reallymet!verse, but you can understand this story without any prior knowledge of the ‘verse.

Summary: Jared’s a top, Jensen’s a bottom, but what happens when Jared decides he wants to mix things up a little?

Bottoming… (February 2006)

They were lying in bed together. In their bed. Ok, it was still technically Jensen’s bed, but Jared thought of it as theirs. They spent most nights at Jensen’s condo. All of Jared’s belongings were spread out around the room: his jeans thrown on the chair; his socks sticking out of the partially open drawer; his shoes peeking out of the closet; his toothbrush next to Jensen’s in the en suite bathroom. It was Jensen’s condo, but they had made it their home. Jared had wrapped himself into Jensen’s life, all tangled up until they were inseparable, and Jensen had let him. Welcomed him inside, the thought came to mind. It wasn’t that Jared was feeling guilty. No, they’d had that conversation the night they’d finally laid all (almost all) their cards on the table and made love for the first time. It was just that Jared felt like Jensen gave and gave and gave and all he did was take. Jensen’s home, Jensen’s body… Jared wanted to do some giving of his own. To welcome Jensen in. Even if it wasn’t something they did very often or more than once… Jared still wanted to know.

He rolled onto his left side, propped up on his elbow, so that he was facing Jensen. Jensen still had his eyes closed, but Jared knew he was awake. It was 10am on a Saturday, and for some reason, Jensen just couldn’t sleep that late, no matter how tired he was. Jensen would always wake up by 8:30 and just lay there, eyes closed and relaxing until whenever Jared got up, even if it was hours later. Jared let his eyes gaze on his lover taking in the freckled expanse of his sculpted chest and perky, dusky nipples. The sheet was tangled around their waists-the blankets kicked down near the foot of the bed sometime in the night-the elastic of Jensen’s flannel pyjama bottoms peeking over the top of the sheet.

“You’re thinking.” Jensen’s voice came with a yawn, “I can almost hear you thinking. What’s wrong?” he asked, long eyelashes fluttering over hazel-green eyes. It took Jensen a moment to focus on Jared-without his glasses on or contacts in Jared knew Jensen couldn’t see him properly-and when he did, Jared felt warmed from head to toe with the love he saw there. Jensen’s eyes were so welcoming so…

“What?” Jensen asked again.

“I… it’s just,” Jared was having a hard time (figuratively too) figuring out how to approach this.

Jensen started to get a skittish, uncertain look in his eyes.

Before Jensen could turn away or shut down and before the skittish look could grow, Jared was pulling Jensen into his arms, wrapping himself around Jensen and kissing him. Jensen’s lips parted with a surprised gasp, and soon he was fully participating in the kiss, his tongue warm and wet against Jared’s chasing and twining and caressing Jared’s mouth. Jared could feel Jensen’s erection growing and swelling and pressing against his own as their bodies rubbed together.

Eventually, Jared had to pull back to allow them to breathe, but he placed one extra closed-mouth kiss against Jensen’s lips as a token of his affection and appreciation.

“It’s nothing bad,” Jared assured his boyfriend (or was it partner, they were going to have to talk about terminology and how they saw each other at some point) catching his eyes in a meaningful stare.

“Then what is it?” Jensen asked softly, stroking at the soft skin of Jared’s side, fingers slipped gently under the elastic of Jared’s boxers.

“I want to bottom for you,” Jared said in a rush, lowering his eyes to gaze at Jensen’s chest. He wasn’t ashamed, it was just… awkward, somehow.

“Jay?” Jensen said, running his fingers underneath Jared’s jaw and tipping Jared’s head back up so that their eyes met.

“I’ve never bottomed. Not for you, not for anyone. I mean, I’ve been fingered before… Evan, Alexis, Sandy, but I’ve never… you know. Not even pegging. And, well,” he shrugged, he was capable of being very frank and open about sex, but for some reason this was really difficult. “I want to know what it’s like… I mean, you let me in, inside your body, and I feel like I should return the favor, or something.”

Jensen looked up at him with a kind of scrunched, perplexed, funny look on his face. “Jay, you’re a top. I know that. I’m a bottom. It works out. You don’t have to be something you’re not…”

Jared brought his fingers to Jensen’s lips to quiet him. Jensen looked even more perplexed, but kissed Jared’s fingers gently. “That’s not what I mean, it’s… I want to feel like I’m giving you something. I feel like you’ve let me in,” he swept his arm around in a gesture to take in the room. “And I really haven’t done the same for you. I’m not talking about an all-the-time kind of switch in our normal roles, I just want to try… bottoming… and I love you, and I’d love it if you could fuck me.” Jared could feel himself blushing; he knew his ears must be turning bright red, and could feel the flush covering his face and radiating down his neck and chest.

Jensen leaned up and captured his lips in another satisfying kiss, pumping reassurance into Jared with lips and tongue, holding himself up with one hand wrapped around Jared’s neck while the other snaked around Jared’s waist and teased the dimple of his ass just beneath the elastic of his boxers. Breaking the kiss, and staring intently into Jared’s eyes, he asked, “are you sure?”

Jared nodded, “yeah, just you know, go easy on me, it’s my first time,” he said feeling his blush intensify.

“Of course I’ll be gentle, silly,” Jensen said planting a kiss on the tip of Jared’s nose. “But I want you to understand that you don’t have to do this.” His tone was serious. “I don’t want you to have me fuck you out of some sense of obligation. We stay here instead of at your hotel because, one, there’s more room and two, hotels and I…”

“The whole PTSD thing?” Jared asked, understanding in his voice.

“Yeah,” Jensen answered, nodding his head, but not breaking eye contact. “And well, it’s not that I don’t like fucking, I mean, having something nice and warm and tight wrapped around my dick feels really damn good, but I’m just more sensitive, uh, back there and inside.” He shrugged, “it’s always felt better, more fulfilling that way.”

“I know,” Jared said, attempting to reassure him. “This is out of curiosity and wanting to feel like I’m giving myself to you… does that make any sense?”

“Yeah, it does,” Jensen said, slipping the hand that was wrapped around Jared’s neck into his hair and giving it a gentle tug that made Jared moan involuntarily, “but I don’t want you to freak out or feel let down if you don’t like it… topping is probably just more natural for you, so don’t expect to like being on the receiving end as much as I do, OK? I don’t want things getting weird between us because you’re freaking out about not liking it or something…” Jensen let his voice trail off and finally breaking Jared’s gaze, his eyes settling somewhere over Jared’s shoulder.

“Hey, give me some credit here,” Jared said with mock offense.

“Ok, but understand, I feel like I’m under a lot of pressure here, I mean, I’ll be taking your virginity in a way, again, but this isn’t something I’m particularly good at,” Jensen said hesitantly.

“Jen, sweetie, I fucking love your dick, I don’t think there’s anything you can do with it that isn’t gonna make me the happiest man alive, “ Jared said bluntly, looking into Jensen’s eyes and shifting his hips so that Jensen’s teasing fingers slipped further down his crack and closer to his hole.

“Ok,” Jensen said quietly then nodded. “Ok,” he said louder with more certainty. “You should probably get on your hands and knees ‘cause it will be easier for you that way.” He was almost babbling, his body suddenly tense and almost rigid in Jared’s arms.

“Jen,” Jared said stopping him. He petted Jensen’s forehead, sweeping his short hair away from his brow. “This isn’t a contest. I don’t want this to be impersonal, I want it to be special. It’s ok if it hurts a little more, I want to see you,” he said reassuringly, feeing Jensen let out a long sigh as he spoke.

“At least put a pillow under your hips?” Jensen suggested sheepishly, blushing slightly, apparently it was his turn to be embarrassed.

“Of course,” Jared said. “How do you want me,” he added with mock wantonness, rolling onto his back and pulling Jensen on top of him.

Jensen wriggled in Jared’s grasp, eventually slipping free. He reach-rolled to the side pulling one of the discarded square bolster pillows from the chair beside the bed. “Here,” he said as he eased the pillow next to Jared. “Lift up.”

Jared complied, feeling the cool cotton of the pillow cover slip under his partly exposed ass.

“Oh, and lets lose those boxers too,” Jensen added, giving the offending material a quick tug and slipping it the rest of the way off of Jared’s hips.

Jared gasped at the sudden increase of air circulation, the bounce of his erection slipping free of its confines; his legs and the boxers were now tangled in the sheet, but not for long as Jensen worked his way down Jared’s body, placing kisses on nipples, abs, belly button, and the head of his cock before continuing on to kiss thighs, knees, calves, ankles and finally toes, untwisting the boxers from Jared’s legs and the sheets as he went. Jared moaned as Jensen took first his right and then his left big toe into his mouth, circling his tongue around and around the flesh as he if he were sucking Jared’s cock, nipping and lapping at the webbing between the toes. Jared felt his erection grow larger, painfully stiff and desperate for contact… something it wouldn’t necessarily be getting if Jensen fulfilled his wishes.

Jensen paused, rising to his knees and then feet on the bed to extricate himself from his own pyjama bottoms. Soon they were tossed clear across the room and Jensen was scrambling off somewhere-to get lube and a condom, Jared realized-before settling between Jared’s feet.

“You gotta spread your legs for me, baby,” Jensen purred as he eased Jared’s legs apart. “Here, tuck your heels up, that’s it,” Jensen coaxed as he gently bent Jared’s knees, sliding his feet up and out until they were set near his butt.

Jared felt strangely open, exposed. And he was of course, it was just… vulnerable in a way he wasn’t used to. He’d never really given it that much thought before, sure he’d had some aggressive partners (not counting Alexis and that whole mess), but he wasn’t used to being the one who was laid open. It felt strange allowing himself to be posed, and he thought he felt the unusualness echoed back at him through Jensen’s body language. This was a little outside their comfort zones for both of them. It felt weird, but not bad, and Jared was still determined to give it a try. He wanted to know, to feel, to have Jensen inside him. It was important to him because he knew in his mind then he would feel more equal, and he wanted to know what it felt like, what Jensen felt like inside him.

Jensen was kissing his way up Jared’s legs, pausing to trail his tongue up Jared’s right thigh and then licking at his sac, pulling each ball in turn inside his mouth, surrounding them with most warmth. It was gentle pressure and it felt good, relaxing Jared. Jensen started stroking him as he still sucked on Jared’s balls.

“Ooh, ooooooh, ngggh,” Jared moaned, involuntarily arching his back as Jensen gave a little tug and twisted his wrist as he stroked Jared’s dick.

“You like that, huh?” Jensen murmured as he nuzzled the crease of Jared’s thigh. “Well, you’re going to love this,” he added.

Jared wondered what Jensen meant at first, but then Jensen’s tongue was trailing back along his perineum leaving a tantalizingly moist, hot trail that cooled as air contacted it. Then he felt a little jab of moisture, and a swirling licking sensation as Jensen’s tongue found his hole. It was circling and circling, first big and flat and floppy then thick and firm and pointy, coaxing and caressing the ring of muscle into relaxing until the tip was poking inside. It felt unlike anything Jared had ever experienced. Certainly he knew about rimming, had watched enough porn where the actors moaned and panted and keened as someone jabbed their tongue up their ass, and he'd rimmed Jensen and Sandy, but he had never really imagined how good it felt to receive such ministrations, how intimate and relaxing, until he was being rimmed. He certainly never imagined he would make that noise. “Ooooh, god, fuck, ngh, oooh, Jensen,” he moaned.

Jensen stopped popping his head up, Jared felt the faint rasp of Jensen’s stubble against his thigh.

Jared curled his head and neck off the pillows to look at Jensen, “why are you stopping?” he demanded, knowing full well he sounded petulant.

“Ahh, you like it… never been rimmed before either?” Jensen surmised.

“No, somehow,” Jared panted, “I missed out on tha…nggggggh,” he moaned, his last word lost as Jensen dipped his head down and started swirling and circling and jabbing with his tongue.

Jared felt like something strong and slippery was wending its way inside, caressing his insides, the point of Jensen’s tongue felt so good, Jared almost didn’t hear the snick of the cap of lube opening and closing, but then there was a cooler, wet thing-Jensen’s finger, his brain supplied-wiggling itself inside along Jensen’s tongue. At first the cold was surprising, then it stung a little, a deep burning ache as the finger passed the relaxed outer muscle and pushed against the inner ring. Jared’s first instinct was to tense, he clenched his ass without thinking, making the burn and pressure hurt more.

“Relax, baby,” Jensen murmured, voice a little muffled, after slipping his tongue out.

Jared could feel Jensen’s finger still pressing, caressing, wiggling insistently and he did his best to relax, finally allowing Jensen to ease the finger inside. Jared took a deep breath in, and then let as much tension as he could flow out with it. He immediately felt his ass relax, and felt Jensen’s finger slip in further, a now-warm presence pressing in and filling him slightly, putting an unusual sort of pressure inside him. He expected Jensen to return with his tongue, but received another finger alongside the first, one from Jensen’s other hand, similarly moistened with lube. The burn increased again, and then decreased once the finger was inside, and slip-sliding alongside the first. Jared could feel Jensen stretching and pulling him, the tugging, sharp sensation every time Jensen pulled the two fingers apart, gently opening Jared’s hole.

Jared could feel another presence, Jensen’s thumbs pushing and rubbing around the outside, massaging, relaxing, coaxing Jared to open wider. With two fingers fully inserted into Jared’s body, and his thumbs gently massaging and relaxing the muscle, Jensen returned his tongue, and Jared was treated to an all-new sensation as Jensen slipped his tongue inside between the fingers. It felt so different, now it was this long, flexible, strong jabbing muscle that was yielding and yet pushing into Jared, forcing him farther apart, pressing the two unyielding presences of Jensen’s fingers farther and farther apart, caressing against Jared’s insides and making him feel smooth, wet, clean, loved.

Jared felt a funny twisting sensation and then more pressure, and realized that Jensen had now twisted it so that two fingers from his right hand were fully inside alongside his tongue and the pointer finger of his right hand. It was easier this time to accept the new intrusion. Jared’s body didn’t tense so reflexively, and he seemed to welcome the new presence inside. Then Jensen pulled out his tongue, much to Jared’s momentary dismay, only to replace it with a third finger on his right hand. Jared let out a little involuntary gasp, as Jensen slipped out his left pointer finger while slipping in the pinky finger on his right hand. Jared could feel the four fingers on Jensen’s right hand curled and bunched together inside him, thumb caressing his perineum just in front of the hole. It felt full, stretched, tight, strange, and then… “Ooh, oh, oooooh,” Jared gasped aloud as Jensen slid his fingers in and out, thrusting in as far as his fingers could reach and curling his fingers forward, dragging them across what Jared knew must be his prostate. The feeling was intense, immediate, he thought he might be coming it was so intense. His dick sprung even more at attention and it ached and throbbed, and he felt a flipping sensation low in his belly. Then Jensen slid his fingers in and out again, and again, scissoring them wider and wider-which translated into a stretching, pulling, tugging sensation for Jared, a sensation that felt really, really good. Each slip-slide in and out that brushed against his prostate sent a jolt and a gasp through Jared’s body. He wasn’t used to being stimulated so directly, and didn’t know how long he could hold out. Jared was about to ask Jensen to come on and fuck him already or he was going to come (but was having a very hard time forming the words), when Jensen stilled his hand.

“Are you ready for me, baby?” Jensen asked, his voice soft and soothing.

“Uh, yeah,” Jared responded, surprised by the broken squeak of his voice. “I think I’m ready.”

“Just a second then.” Jensen sounded like he was concentrating on something.

Jared felt Jensen’s fingers slip free of his body, felt his body closing in their absence, gaping a little, missing the fullness.

“I know that felt like a lot, but this is going to be different, and it’s probably going to hurt at first, no matter how much you want it,” Jensen said knowingly.

Jared looked at his boyfriend’s face. It was serious but loving. He heard the tearing of a condom wrapper and could just barely see Jensen’s hands working to roll the condom down onto his long, beautiful prick. Jensen reached for the lube and squeezed a liberal amount onto his erection which he then slicked up and down with his hand. He then squeezed more onto his fingers, and slid them quickly into Jared’s ass with a flourishing swirl, causing Jared to gasp (and embarrassingly nearly come) with the sudden fullness and sensation.

Jensen propped himself up sliding closer and closer to Jared, body tucked in between Jared’s knees. He lifted Jared’s legs, seemingly not minding doing all the work (Jared wasn’t really sure he was in control of his body at that point), and arranged them loosely around his hips. He leaned down and kissed Jared full on the lips, tongue swiping out and teasing, teeth nibbling and tugging at Jared’s lower lip until Jared parted his lips, allowing Jensen inside.

As Jensen’s tongue snaked into Jared’s mouth, deepening the kiss, Jared felt a sudden blunt pressure at his hole. It burned and then grew, and he could feel the bulbous head of Jensen’s dick forcing itself inside. He could feel Jensen’s fingers resting just outside his opening, guiding his dick inside. Jensen’s other hand was teasing at Jared’s let nipple, twisting and squeezing and generally getting Jared worked up. It felt good, really good, but the pressure, the foreign thing forcing its way into his ass made him tense up. It hurt, oh, ow it hurt, it was burning and it…

“Relax, baby, relax,” Jensen said, reassuringly, he moved his hand from Jared’s nipple to stroke at his lower belly, soothing the spasming muscles beneath the surface. The pressure there, combined with the gentle stroking felt good, and got Jared to relax. He stilled, realizing he’d been struggling against Jensen.

Jared took deep breaths and focused on the presence of Jensen at his entrance. He was really turned on by the idea of his lover inside him, and that seemed to send the right signal to his ass, getting the muscle to release enough, that the head of Jensen’s penis slipped inside. And once it was inside, it was a whole different world. The burning was suddenly lessened-not totally gone, but much less, and the fullness, the good stretching feeling increased tenfold, and then there was slipping and friction, and Jared felt his body parting, parting, parting… it seemed like Jensen just kept on coming, he was so long, and then a nudge of sheer pleasure, spiraling through him, and lighting him on fire (in a very good way) as Jensen bottomed out and bumped Jared’s prostate.

“Oh god,” Jared gasped.

Jensen pulled out slowly, and then slammed in with more force, Jared feeling every tug and slip and parting of his body around Jensen’s cock. The second push in bounced him a little, the force nudging his prostate just that much harder and making it hard to breathe the sensation was so strong. Then Jensen developed a steady pace, not too hard, not too fast, but not too slow either, just a smooth slip-slide of sensation that tugged out of Jared then filled him up again and again, each thrust punctuated with the overwhelming tingle-ache of Jensen hitting his sweet spot. Jensen’s thighs slapping gently against his.

Jensen had his head buried against Jared’s neck, lips and tongue and teeth playing, teasing at the skin, nibbling at his earlobe then sucking dusky marks into the skin over his collar bone. The pleasure-pain of the sucking and biting worked in perfect tandem with Jensen’s thrusts so send Jared closer and closer to the edge.

“W-wait,” he panted, causing Jensen to still mid-thrust Jensen’s body tensing over his. “No, don’t stop, just… slower, want to feel you more, feels so… full,” Jared explained, opening eyes he didn’t realize he had closed to stare up into Jensen’s somewhat uncertain hazel-green.

“You ok?” Jensen asked, panting.

“I’m unbelievably ok; I’m great,” Jared responded, relieved when he felt the whipcord tension slide out of Jensen’s body. “I just don’t want to come too soon, not before you’re ready. Want to feel you, fill me, it just feels so… so…” Jared really didn’t have the words to describe it.

Jensen smiled, a genuine happy smile that reached his eyes and made them crinkle at the corners. Jared always felt like magic when he could bring that kind of smile to Jensen’s face. “I know,” Jensen said softly. “It’s overwhelming, but in a good way. You feel amazing, really, really tight and perfect.” He leaned down, capturing Jared’s mouth in a kiss.

As their tongues lazily swept around each other’s mouths thrusting and prodding, Jared felt Jensen lift his legs and hips, sliding his legs gently up Jensen’s body and then over his shoulders. There was an uncomfortable moment there where the angle was all wrong and Jensen’s thrust kind of hurt, poking him in someplace not-good inside. But then his legs were wrapped around Jensen’s neck, and Jensen was sliding in again. Jared could feel his body parting and parting and giving to accommodate his length and oh, ooooooh, that was different! The new angle was just that much deeper that Jared felt Jensen’s cock sliding and brushing along his prostate with every push and pull instead of jabbing at it. It wasn’t quite as intense, but then again, the feeling never really dissipated, it just tingled and sent waves of pleasure spiraling out of his belly and throughout his body, wave after wave building and building.

Jensen had started up a new rhythm again and Jared had barely even noticed. He was just in awe of how alive his body felt. But then Jensen snaked one hand between their bodies and wrapped his fingers oh-so-deftly around Jared’s aching, straining erection. The joint sensation of being jacked off combined with the tingling pleasure of Jensen’s thrusts was almost too much.

Jared realized he was keening and babbling and Jensen was kissing him again, then nipping at his nipple, followed by more kissing.

“I’m close,” Jensen murmured against Jared’s ear.

“I… I am too,” Jared realized continuing to marvel at how full he felt.

Without any more words, Jensen raised his head to look Jared directly in the eye and quickened the pace. Soon, Jensen’s rhythm was faltering, faster and harder, his hand stuttering in its strokes of Jared’s dick.

Jared could feel his balls pulling closer to his body, and Jensen just slammed home one more time and that was it. Jared was coming hard, ropes of come shooting out and painting their bellies while he felt Jensen pump into the condom inside. “Oh oh, my god,” Jared panted.

“I love you, Jay, love you baby so much,” Jensen murmured. They stayed frozen for a few moments, Jared’s legs still around Jensen’s neck.

Jared finally felt the pull the position put on his muscles, and then could feel Jensen’s cock softening inside.

Jensen noticed too at the same moment, and kissed each of Jared’s thighs as he gently lowered Jared’s legs to the bed, slipping out as he did so.

Jared could feel the now-burning ache in his ass. It hurt a little, and it felt a little weird, but then again, it also felt good. He felt good knowing that he’d had Jensen inside, given himself to his boyfriend-partner-the way he had so willingly given himself to Jared. And even if he was a little uncomfortable and even though his legs felt like rubbery jelly, Jared was grateful for that.

“Wow,” Jensen said. As he collapsed rolling off of Jared to lie on his side, tying off the condom and tossing it towards the wastebasket.

“Yeah, wow,” Jared echoed. He could feel the lube leaking out of his ass, and that wasn’t all together pleasant, and the pillow under his hips now felt awkward, but he just discarded it, pulling the soiled cushion away and tossing it off the side of the bed, rolling towards Jensen so that they were face to face.

Jensen pulled Jared closer, kissing him, rubbing his left hand up and down Jared’s gooseflesh-covered arm.

Jared shuddered with the sensation. It was almost too much.

“That was…” Jensen started.

“Really special, and very overwhelming, but in a good way, thank you,” Jared supplied, leaning in to kiss Jensen again, making sure Jensen knew he was alright. They were all right.

“Really special,” Jensen echoed.

Jared looked up and met Jensen’s eyes. “I’m not sure I want to do that all the time, I mean I think I’m still mostly a top,” he said, his voice sounding a little squeaky. He knew that with anyone but Jensen there was no way he would be able to let himself feel that vulnerable, that open and exposed, “but sometimes, for special occasions and things…”

Jensen nodded. “Yeah, definitely….” He let his voice trail off and smiled. “Thank you, Jared, for letting me inside you. That’s not something… most… I’ve never… not like that,” his face screwed up in a sort of embarrassed grin.

Jared got the message though. Jensen’s other boyfriends would never have wanted him, have let him do that. He’d never topped in a situation with someone he loved before, and while that was kind of heart breaking, it also made this, made them, that much more special. “Thank you, and you’re welcome, and I love you,” Jared murmured, pulling Jensen closer.

They fell asleep like that, dirty and sticky and sated, in spite of the lateness in the morning. And that was one conversation Jared was really glad they’d had.

Next Conversation | Five Conversations Master Post