journey on 12-09-03
last night i did a journey by myself for the first time.. I was nervous, and took like 30 minutes to prepare, making sure that I had everything ready that i needed and that the kids were asleep so i would not be bothered. Jason was at night class, and he usually gets home at 10:15, so i finally got started at 9:45, figuring that was plenty of time.. well, he got out early because they had a test, so about in the middle of my journey, there was a loud banging at my front door that ripped me right out of my journey.. in cleaning out his car, he somehow had locked his keys in it when he was getting rid of the trash. Sooo, that pretty much ended my journey session for the night. I ate a banana and tried to ground as much as possible, but i developed a terrible headache.. Maybe it will go better next time..
Anyhow, this time was a lot different than the journey when MonarchWing was here with me. I went to my cave, but I could not make myself enter it. i stood in the little clearing, and then saw two yellow glowing eyes staring at me off on the left. I turned my head and the creature, which i thought was a wolf, took off running. Its fur was a greyish tan color, and somehow i realized it was not a wolf, but a coyote. I didnt chase it, but sortof followed in the general direction it went, and came to another small clearing. This one was a circle of trees, and the ground was very green, covered with a soft moss. The trees were lush and green, and very tall, so that i could almost not see the tops of them. I looked to the center of the circle of trees and there was a woman sitting there. I thought she must be on a tree trunk, but it was a medium sized boulder. She had long curly dark hair, with what seemed to be silver crystals in it, sparkling in the light. She was holding what i think must have been a little songbird, but could have been another small creature like a chipmunk. She was either whispering to it, or kissing it, it was hard to tell from where i stood. I thought i wonder if she is my patron goddess, i should ask her name Then she turned to look at me, her beauty was gone and she had a freakishly scary face, with her mouth gaping open and her eyes wide open, like a ghost or demon in the movies.. As quickly as that happened, she went back to normal, and whispered more to the little bird. It really scared me, and i thought who the hell is that? and she looked at me with the same really scary bad face. I was upset by it, so i hurried back to where my cave was. this time i was able to get in, so i went inside. the bowls and apple from my previous journey were not there, there was only a white candle in one of those candle holders with the ring for your thumb to help steady it. it was halfway burned down, and was knocked over on its side, like someone was rummaging around in the cave and knocked it over in a hurry to get out of there.. my name Trina was written in plain print in a dark chocolatey brown color on the wall with all the handprints.. i wanted to get to the hole by the floor, i wanted to find the raccoon, and try to talk to him, but i could not make myself go over to it..
That's when Jason brought me out of the journey.
It just seems like something is trying to keep me from journeying and I am feeling so discouraged with it. I don't know when/if I will get the courage to try again, and it makes me feel really disappointed and sad.
oh, on a side note, Paul Simon died yesterday. I really liked his music, and feel sad about that too...
Anyhow, this time was a lot different than the journey when MonarchWing was here with me. I went to my cave, but I could not make myself enter it. i stood in the little clearing, and then saw two yellow glowing eyes staring at me off on the left. I turned my head and the creature, which i thought was a wolf, took off running. Its fur was a greyish tan color, and somehow i realized it was not a wolf, but a coyote. I didnt chase it, but sortof followed in the general direction it went, and came to another small clearing. This one was a circle of trees, and the ground was very green, covered with a soft moss. The trees were lush and green, and very tall, so that i could almost not see the tops of them. I looked to the center of the circle of trees and there was a woman sitting there. I thought she must be on a tree trunk, but it was a medium sized boulder. She had long curly dark hair, with what seemed to be silver crystals in it, sparkling in the light. She was holding what i think must have been a little songbird, but could have been another small creature like a chipmunk. She was either whispering to it, or kissing it, it was hard to tell from where i stood. I thought i wonder if she is my patron goddess, i should ask her name Then she turned to look at me, her beauty was gone and she had a freakishly scary face, with her mouth gaping open and her eyes wide open, like a ghost or demon in the movies.. As quickly as that happened, she went back to normal, and whispered more to the little bird. It really scared me, and i thought who the hell is that? and she looked at me with the same really scary bad face. I was upset by it, so i hurried back to where my cave was. this time i was able to get in, so i went inside. the bowls and apple from my previous journey were not there, there was only a white candle in one of those candle holders with the ring for your thumb to help steady it. it was halfway burned down, and was knocked over on its side, like someone was rummaging around in the cave and knocked it over in a hurry to get out of there.. my name Trina was written in plain print in a dark chocolatey brown color on the wall with all the handprints.. i wanted to get to the hole by the floor, i wanted to find the raccoon, and try to talk to him, but i could not make myself go over to it..
That's when Jason brought me out of the journey.
It just seems like something is trying to keep me from journeying and I am feeling so discouraged with it. I don't know when/if I will get the courage to try again, and it makes me feel really disappointed and sad.
oh, on a side note, Paul Simon died yesterday. I really liked his music, and feel sad about that too...