The greatest moments of my day today

[pale_azure_sky]

Phone rings and I answer
Me- Hello?
Telemarketer- Hello is Linda (insert bad pronunciation of my family’s last name) there?
Me- No
Telemarketer- Oh, well do you know a better time that we could reach her?
Me- How about never. **click**

At work with Jessica

Jessica: You know if the pilgrims killed a cat for thanksgiving dinner we would all be eating pussy!
Me: Well what if they killed a Roster? Could we say that we were going suck cock?