michael jackson
i have this friend named amanda who worries that she is going to die of disease every day every second every time she touches any external substance. she is a hypochondriac who refuses to acknowledge the fact. she is afraid of EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE, including me. especially me, actually. once i called her at 1 AM and when she picked up the phone, i said in a ridiculously raspy voice "look outside your window." this would be a really great story to end with the sentence 'and she never looked out the window again', but that's not true. she just yelled at me and told me i was "not a nice person". i suppose she has a point.