Something amusing I found...
Really Authentic Guide to Real Viking Mead
by Lady Caterina del Cavallo
(Reprinted from Scum Vol. 1, #1 Winter 1990)
Producing realy authentic Viking mead is pretty easy because nobody really knows what it was like, on account of how the Vikings never wrote anything down except in those goddam runes, which nobody but people who hang out with mosses can understand anyway. It's just a dead giveaway when you make mead in a plastic 2-liter Coke bottle. You will use a glass Coke bottle if you have any class at all. So, here you go:
Boil up some honey and water. Let it sit around your bedroom until it begins to ferment and smell bad (don't confuse it with your last date). Don't forget to play it lots of authentic Viking music, like Cheap Trick doing "She's Tight," and before you know it, you and your friends will be getting really stoned on the stuff, unless Mom makes you clean out your room, okay?
Entering your mead in a contest: You need documentation, all of those bozos will tell you. What's that? It's a piece of paper proving that some Viking who probally couldn't sign his name if you held a mace to his head, or his old lady, maybe once made mead just like yours. Well, we're going to provide you with some infinitely re-usable documentation just so you can personally tell those bozos to eat your moose (metaphorocally speaking, of course).
July, 1367
Dear Sven
How are you and Mrs. Sven and all the Sventlets doing? Is she still making that delicious mead out of boiled honey and water in those new bottles you brought home from Vinland? Remember how we got so hammered on the last batch that you fell into the fjord? Sorry to hear about your sister's axe. Those moose bites can be pretti nasti, you know.
Regards.
Olaf Svensfriend
Okay, there it is. Shove this letter in the faces of all those arts and sciences geek and you're home free. Just remember to carry your drinking horn and wear cool sunglasses, even in the dark, and you, to, can look like a Viking with a hangover.....
by Lady Caterina del Cavallo
(Reprinted from Scum Vol. 1, #1 Winter 1990)
Producing realy authentic Viking mead is pretty easy because nobody really knows what it was like, on account of how the Vikings never wrote anything down except in those goddam runes, which nobody but people who hang out with mosses can understand anyway. It's just a dead giveaway when you make mead in a plastic 2-liter Coke bottle. You will use a glass Coke bottle if you have any class at all. So, here you go:
Boil up some honey and water. Let it sit around your bedroom until it begins to ferment and smell bad (don't confuse it with your last date). Don't forget to play it lots of authentic Viking music, like Cheap Trick doing "She's Tight," and before you know it, you and your friends will be getting really stoned on the stuff, unless Mom makes you clean out your room, okay?
Entering your mead in a contest: You need documentation, all of those bozos will tell you. What's that? It's a piece of paper proving that some Viking who probally couldn't sign his name if you held a mace to his head, or his old lady, maybe once made mead just like yours. Well, we're going to provide you with some infinitely re-usable documentation just so you can personally tell those bozos to eat your moose (metaphorocally speaking, of course).
July, 1367
Dear Sven
How are you and Mrs. Sven and all the Sventlets doing? Is she still making that delicious mead out of boiled honey and water in those new bottles you brought home from Vinland? Remember how we got so hammered on the last batch that you fell into the fjord? Sorry to hear about your sister's axe. Those moose bites can be pretti nasti, you know.
Regards.
Olaf Svensfriend
Okay, there it is. Shove this letter in the faces of all those arts and sciences geek and you're home free. Just remember to carry your drinking horn and wear cool sunglasses, even in the dark, and you, to, can look like a Viking with a hangover.....