...stitch up my fears and hope they never come undone...
Reach was really good. Last years one really opened my eyes but this years one made me realise you cant just forget about what has happened in the past. My family seems to have forgotten, except me. Reach reminded me of my past. They asked us a question... What makes us appreciate life more...
Then I realised, i finally understood how much life is worth. When we die, we are dead. Thats not the end of us tho, thats not the end of the pain we might of gone thru. The people around us go thru just as much pain as we did, maybe even more. If we die happy, they let go happier if we pass away sad... they ask so many questions and some they will never get the answer for.
Last night was horrible. I trashed my brothers room when no-one was home and blamed it on the cat... yes they seem to of beleieved the cat could throw a glass jar ar the wall..... Then when lock got home i called him a fat fuck and he attacked me... i wasnt gonna hit my 12 year old fat brother... hes just a kid. But he got me in head lock and punched the fuck thru my head. So i kicked him right in his fat gut and when to punch his face in... but didnt, I dont wanna be a fucking phsyco like that cunt. I have massive head ahces from that fucker now. Then i got in shit from Mom for fighting with my brother. Im always the bad one... it shits me.
At reach, Rons lil sister got up and spoke. I had tears in my eyes... I know so much about everything she said... i felt so so sad.... Hannah said you alwais gotta have hope and when i was a kid thats all I had. I admire what Hannah said up there... and Brooke, it took so much to get up there.
Lauren sand and it was so beautiful. Shes the most talented singer ive ever heard....
I called Jae last night i was so upset... when i sleep i have nightmares... Shes the one person hoo can make me laugh after an hour of crying. Shes the only person hoo knows what happened to me.... I tried to forget everything but i cant.
Brooke said I can talk to her. I wont, but atleast i know shes there to talk to she would be the one person iv'e met hoo might have a clue how painful things ive bin thru have bin. Last night i tried calling chris but hes grounded.
After all this time the true pain had cum back, this isnt sum sympathy quest. I want none at all. At skool ive met the most awsum people but its not something i want to tell them, i dont want this fear in mym life for ever. I want it gone. And Jaes the onlee person hoo will ever be able to know....
...he made my nightmares...now hes back to haunt my sleep oce more...
The first day I met Jae... It was in primary skool the teacher asked me and a fat chick called Kate too look after her... show her around the skool.
That was when my life turned around and i became the fuck head i am 2dai. Kate and I asked her what do u wanna do? Kate wanted to take her on the slide, you see but Jae, no she didnt want no FUCKING SLIDE. She wanted to go throw marbles at peoples heads. So we ditchedd Kate....
That was the beginging on the Paje and Jae Charade. Sam Wilson, ah i remember him... well he was in for a shock. He was our target for primary skool. He was um like 3 years older then us... maybe 2... and we gave him hell. I felt sorry for the bloke... but Jae showed no sympathy. From there on, sum ont he most fucked up/happiest times were with her. Jae son, when i die(even tho u will die before me coz u smoke) look after my child lou and make sure he stays a fat fuck.....At reach they asked us hoo would we have speak at our funeral... and i want it to be you. And im gonna make sure i speak at ur funeral for sure.
Focus on the positives.... the Jae and Paje charade is a huge positive in my life. One dya we will make a movie on our life and becum millionares... no even better hundredares...
Then I realised, i finally understood how much life is worth. When we die, we are dead. Thats not the end of us tho, thats not the end of the pain we might of gone thru. The people around us go thru just as much pain as we did, maybe even more. If we die happy, they let go happier if we pass away sad... they ask so many questions and some they will never get the answer for.
Last night was horrible. I trashed my brothers room when no-one was home and blamed it on the cat... yes they seem to of beleieved the cat could throw a glass jar ar the wall..... Then when lock got home i called him a fat fuck and he attacked me... i wasnt gonna hit my 12 year old fat brother... hes just a kid. But he got me in head lock and punched the fuck thru my head. So i kicked him right in his fat gut and when to punch his face in... but didnt, I dont wanna be a fucking phsyco like that cunt. I have massive head ahces from that fucker now. Then i got in shit from Mom for fighting with my brother. Im always the bad one... it shits me.
At reach, Rons lil sister got up and spoke. I had tears in my eyes... I know so much about everything she said... i felt so so sad.... Hannah said you alwais gotta have hope and when i was a kid thats all I had. I admire what Hannah said up there... and Brooke, it took so much to get up there.
Lauren sand and it was so beautiful. Shes the most talented singer ive ever heard....
I called Jae last night i was so upset... when i sleep i have nightmares... Shes the one person hoo can make me laugh after an hour of crying. Shes the only person hoo knows what happened to me.... I tried to forget everything but i cant.
Brooke said I can talk to her. I wont, but atleast i know shes there to talk to she would be the one person iv'e met hoo might have a clue how painful things ive bin thru have bin. Last night i tried calling chris but hes grounded.
After all this time the true pain had cum back, this isnt sum sympathy quest. I want none at all. At skool ive met the most awsum people but its not something i want to tell them, i dont want this fear in mym life for ever. I want it gone. And Jaes the onlee person hoo will ever be able to know....
...he made my nightmares...now hes back to haunt my sleep oce more...
The first day I met Jae... It was in primary skool the teacher asked me and a fat chick called Kate too look after her... show her around the skool.
That was when my life turned around and i became the fuck head i am 2dai. Kate and I asked her what do u wanna do? Kate wanted to take her on the slide, you see but Jae, no she didnt want no FUCKING SLIDE. She wanted to go throw marbles at peoples heads. So we ditchedd Kate....
That was the beginging on the Paje and Jae Charade. Sam Wilson, ah i remember him... well he was in for a shock. He was our target for primary skool. He was um like 3 years older then us... maybe 2... and we gave him hell. I felt sorry for the bloke... but Jae showed no sympathy. From there on, sum ont he most fucked up/happiest times were with her. Jae son, when i die(even tho u will die before me coz u smoke) look after my child lou and make sure he stays a fat fuck.....At reach they asked us hoo would we have speak at our funeral... and i want it to be you. And im gonna make sure i speak at ur funeral for sure.
Focus on the positives.... the Jae and Paje charade is a huge positive in my life. One dya we will make a movie on our life and becum millionares... no even better hundredares...