(no subject)
so here i am sat in the dark on my own and writing in this journal for the first time!
I am feeling soooo depressed!
it has been nearly two months scince my girlfriend and i got together, at the time i suffered really bad with SI (Self Injury) where i used to cut my arms to shreds, and she said that i had to stop or she would leave me and if i didnt stop then it meant that i didnt love her!
So i did it i stop cutting myself which was the hardest thing i have ever had to do in my life!
And then this week she turns round to me and says its not workin cos i dont love her enough!!!
can you believe it?
i mean i went cold turkey to stop myself cutting just so that i could be with her!
i was so upset when she left me, it was weird cos i felt all of mt insides go dark and i whent into somekind of trance, i coulnt see or hear anything and then the next thing i knew there was blood every where.
I had gone back into the depression i was in before when i had cut myself. i cleaned myself up and once i had washed all of the blood away both my arms were covered in deep slashes.
i really dont know what to do!
i dont think i can survive without her! not that im goin to kill myself or anything but i want to be able to not cut! when i was with her i never went into the trance after i gave up cutting!
i hate that feeling!
how can i stop?
how can i get her back?
i really do love her with all my heart.
xxx
I am feeling soooo depressed!
it has been nearly two months scince my girlfriend and i got together, at the time i suffered really bad with SI (Self Injury) where i used to cut my arms to shreds, and she said that i had to stop or she would leave me and if i didnt stop then it meant that i didnt love her!
So i did it i stop cutting myself which was the hardest thing i have ever had to do in my life!
And then this week she turns round to me and says its not workin cos i dont love her enough!!!
can you believe it?
i mean i went cold turkey to stop myself cutting just so that i could be with her!
i was so upset when she left me, it was weird cos i felt all of mt insides go dark and i whent into somekind of trance, i coulnt see or hear anything and then the next thing i knew there was blood every where.
I had gone back into the depression i was in before when i had cut myself. i cleaned myself up and once i had washed all of the blood away both my arms were covered in deep slashes.
i really dont know what to do!
i dont think i can survive without her! not that im goin to kill myself or anything but i want to be able to not cut! when i was with her i never went into the trance after i gave up cutting!
i hate that feeling!
how can i stop?
how can i get her back?
i really do love her with all my heart.
xxx