Wanna know a secret?
I'm so good at projecting confidence, even my parents (who I talk with almost everyday and have a wonderful relationship with) were surprised at how badly I actually view myself. It's not that I am self-destructive or anything, I just have no confidence in my abilities.
And yes, I still receive top marks in my classes, but it simply feels like I'm going through the motions right now- like I'm so used to preforming well that I don't even have to think about it. Nothing involving school has ever really been that hard for me.
And yes, I saw a school counselor at the beginning of the summer and am apparently justified in being depressed at this point in time (both my grandfather and my cat of 10 years died at the beginning of the year. the cat bothers me much more. I'm also graduating into a highly competitive career field in three months), but simply knowing there is a problem and it's ok to have a problem, doesn't fix the problem.
I understand taking time to grieve will help, but no one seems to understand that with graduation only three months away, there simply isn't time for anything like that.
I feel emptier now. This was supposed to help. Dang.
I've also decided I no longer care who knows this stuff about me. Maybe others confronting me will help, maybe not.
And yes, I still receive top marks in my classes, but it simply feels like I'm going through the motions right now- like I'm so used to preforming well that I don't even have to think about it. Nothing involving school has ever really been that hard for me.
And yes, I saw a school counselor at the beginning of the summer and am apparently justified in being depressed at this point in time (both my grandfather and my cat of 10 years died at the beginning of the year. the cat bothers me much more. I'm also graduating into a highly competitive career field in three months), but simply knowing there is a problem and it's ok to have a problem, doesn't fix the problem.
I understand taking time to grieve will help, but no one seems to understand that with graduation only three months away, there simply isn't time for anything like that.
I feel emptier now. This was supposed to help. Dang.
I've also decided I no longer care who knows this stuff about me. Maybe others confronting me will help, maybe not.