(no subject)
Dear journal,
I'm goign to make this an actual entry. I haven't sat down to think about anything in a long time because I have been so wrapped up in my shit. I haven't actually seen my family in weeks and it doesn't seem to bother me which bothers me a lot. I wish I were never home actually, I just want to move out so badly. I love this house but its not my home. I can't even feel comfortable sitting on the couch downstairs watching tv.
Men in my life is a fucked up situation. I'm talking to aka [SAM] who just got out of a 7 year relationship, but he is amazing. Also a guy that I think could be my perfect situation right now and is gorgeous, and someone whom I have no romantic feelings for but still wants to date me for some fucked up reason. how any of them fell into my lap is a complete wonder to me. Whats even more mind boggling is how dumb I am for even persuing there boys. Especially SAM and mr. gorgeous whom I can only see hurting me because I somehow have already developed feelings for him that I am assuming are not mutual. But who couldn't this man is beautiful. Oh I am also being another terrible level of dumb and mailing a guy I met in Hawaii whom is now in Iraq. Oh but get this he isn't even mailign me back, I'm just mailing him dumb fucking letteres. Yay me and being the amazingly smart person I am. BUT I am having fun, I am voting fuck relationships because they are a big nasty mess. As for the old mess, we started talking again, but I'm almost certain I fucked that up pretty tough haha. I think it was just awkward for him afetr that party and all. Oh well. All I want right now is close ties with my friends, men to date and have fun with, and money in my bank acount. haha
Kat comes him friday which is exciting, he has strep right now, so hopefully she will be feeling better by the time she comes home. I miss her a lot. Tommorrow I'm spending the day with Ms Barer, she sent me this fantastic letter telling me how much she appreciates our friendship and that I have shown her that she has done things right in her life. She is an amazing person, and I miss her a lot.
School is fantastic and fantasticly hard. I am pumped to see what my final starts to look like after these first stages. Right now it is doing very well. I will post pictures when I'm done, but right now I have 3 life size drawings due in like 25 days hahha