Title: Dancing in a Burning Room
Author: kayjayloves
Chapter: 1/1
Pairing: Eeteuk!centric
Band: Super Junior
Genre: angst, character-centric, drama
Rating: PG-13
Warning: controversial topic
Disclaimer: Don't own these boys, just my interpretations of them.
Synopsis: They’re breaking apart (fragmenting, cracking, suddenly two halves of a whole) before anyone thinks to say stop - what are we doing?
Comments: Five lines in italics taken from Eeteuk's 100 day speech. original post
here What’s most difficult is…
They’re breaking apart (fragmenting, cracking, suddenly two halves of a whole) before anyone thinks to say stop - what are we doing?
“New sub-group,” The manager says, “What do you guys think?”
Okay, Eeteuk smiles. Okay, this’ll be a good thing for Super Junior - more publicity, another chance for some of them to shine, and okay, he’s ready to hear the details.
How many members is Super Junior?
“Boycotts.” The manager looks distressed. “Stock. They’re doing more than we expected because of this - the sales, I don’t know what this is going to do for the sales.”
And Eeteuk thinks of the band - thinks of all his fans out there that are unhappy, and he thinks that he has to please them. He has to make this right.
Everyone would be less stressed, the SJ-M album sales would go up, and everything would be perfect if only the members of that sub-group were different. If only.
I was asked this question
“Aren’t we a family?” He says, (he’s just quoting words but suddenly they feel real in his throat) “Aren’t we a family of thirteen?”
The meeting room goes quiet - the silence only broken by shuffles and quiet coughs. Sungmin stands up. “Aren’t they our family too, now?” He gestures towards nothing, (Super Junior M is still in China, but with the way things were going, a meeting couldn’t wait) and keeps going, “Aren’t they part of the Super Junior family, aren’t they our friends?”
Kangin stands up, puts an arm around Eeteuk, “Of course they’re our friends.”
“But not one of us?” Sungmin concludes. Eeteuk hesitates - thinks, hears echoes of protect the family, protect the thirteen - and nods.
Sungmin stills. His anger is red hot - Fuck you, hyung, in the burning of his eyes.
But I have never once answered
“I was new once, too.” Kyuhyun’s voice is quiet and tired on the line. He’d had heatstroke, he told Eeteuk, but he was better now (Eeteuk still worried). “I was unlucky thirteen introduced to a family of twelve.”
“That was different.” Eeteuk says. “That was then, now’s now.”
How is it different? says Kyuhyun's silence. Eeteuk doesn't know.
Eeteuk walks into the dorm and it’s like an undercover war zone, all pleasant faces and the usual cliques but something in the air is a little different - a little hostile. Sungmin’s over, and he’s carefully avoiding Eeteuk (he avoids him back).
They’re walking on eggshells, careful to keep everyone’s thoughts from the members in China. Eunhyuk turns the corner, rubbing sleep from his eyes and not quite conscious, and murmurs, “Where’s Donghae?”
The atmosphere shatters - reminding, reminding, reminded.
He sleeps after reading too many fan reports (“We will protect 13 members” claims half, and then “Super Junior 13 and more, love for Zhou Mi and Henry”) and dreams:
There’s yelling and shouting and suddenly he can’t understand the language - maybe right now I’m Hankyung or someone as a trainee - crosses his scattered thoughts. More yelling, and then -
“You’re going to be the leader of the new subgroup.” He smiles at Hankyung and pats his shoulder. It’s hard I know, he thinks, to have people relying on you. “Congratulations!”
He’s meeting the violinist for Don’t Don, and the boy is young and smiles cutely, calls him hyung. But suddenly the boy is doubling over, and there’s worry lines on his forehead, and, “Hyung, hyung help.”
Can’t - and he hears the fans screaming only13 only13 and yes - and then Hankyung, Siwon, Ryeowook, Donghae, Kyuhyun are leaving, crossing a bold red line to a corner where two foreign, young, worried boys speaking in different languages are standing.
“No,” and Lee Soo Man is standing over him, “You’re too old for the group, we’re replacing you,”
Someone’s screaming and everyone’s shouting and then they all grow fangs (he can’t distinguish a face from a face - a fan, maybe, or his sister, or a member, or a stranger, or a -)
He wakes up exhausted.
Super Junior - M is back (home), and Eeteuk’s happy to see the members, happy that everyone else is happy.
He’s watching an older interview with them - when they were miles and miles away in a country with a foreign tongue. He’s trying to distinguish the words, but something glints, catches his attention. ‘M’ says one of Ryeowook’s earrings. ‘7,’ and Eeteuk’s reminded of his decision, the speech brewing in his thoughts, and then - the shouts following Henry and Zhou Mi when they came into the studio.
He turns off the computer, finds Kangin and makes himself talk as a distraction.
He opens his mouth, stares into the sea of fans and feels invigorated, alive. He knows what he has to say. (“It’s so much easier to make decisions when anyone it would hurt stays miles away, isn’t it, hyung?” Sungmin said with a quick, innocent smile)
The speech is quick, simple, and Kangin backs him up. 1000 days as Super Junior - this is his family. This must be right, he decides. ELF is looking back at him, cheering, smiling, crying, and yes, it must be right.
“Hi,” Eeteuk says, when he comes across Henry in the hall. “Hi,” but instead of a reply there’s a little hint of fear, and something akin to anger flits across Henry’s face that Eeteuk doesn’t (want to) notice. His blood runs cold, and then
Sungmin’s there and wrapping an arm around Henry, and -
they’re leaving.
Even if ten or twenty years pass, Super Junior will always be 13.
He feels like (just) 1.