Can you feel the love tonight?
Why, no I can't. Allison and Alex stayed in Cherry Hill and Medford tonight instead of coming back down. Jillian is sick. I played cards with my mom and dad and aunt and uncle. Carrie decided not to come until tomorrow night. Jimmy and Kristen decided not to come at all. Remember how it was going to be this great weekend...Not so much working out that way.
I often feel that way. Most days I wake up not expecting anything great and I'm right and its just another lameass day where nothing really worth anything in the grand scheme of things happens. And then there are times where I think something is going to be so great and it never pans out. I often feel like this. Disappointed. It sucks to be in a feeling of constant disappointment like nothing is really worth anything at all cause nothing will ever be what you hoped it to be.
I feel like there are so many things that make me happy but one in particular to ice the cake. And it always seems like I can't have that one thing. I don't often conciously look for it, but sometimes I think it finds me and then I'm just wrong and end up disappointed again,
I went to the beach today and I got a lot of color which thrills me!!! (I was looking mighty pasty and not as summer me as I would have liked.) So now I have some color and some more blond in my hair. (Shit I just realized I have no clean shirts for work tomorrow) It was nice out obviously so no one lost their heads, and I finally got a real day off...just in time to not have any for about 2 weeks. I laid on the beach all day and it was glorious.
Irony sucks. I never used to be a big drinker until I turned 21 and I could no longer get in trouble for drinking so I started living it up. And then I found out with this disease I can't drink so much, like at all. And I miss it terribly.
I've been so miserable without any friends or any guy to hang out with. I wanted this summer to be great, but its just filled with a routine of work and eating (strictly) and doctors offices.
I just want to fall in love. Even if just for a little while, I need that. I need to feel affection and to know that someone cares enough to know how I am that isn't related to me or asking in need of feeling like our friendship requires it. I'm so tired. I find no one interesting or exciting, and I find one person who I actually don't mind hanging out with, in fact, I dare say, I enjoy haning out with thoroughly...and it's just not looking good folks.
I don't understand this life thing, and I'm afraid I'll never get it. I don't understand how to be happy everyday. Or how to get what you want. Or how to make friends or meet people. I don't even trust that I can/want to get a job. I'm starting to be scared that I don't really want to live life at all because I just don't seem to be good at the game. And we all know I hate losing.
This probably seems like a lot of gobbldy gook to everyone, but it makes sense to me. I'm going to sleep now and hopefully I'll be awakened by a late night phone call, but first a bit of laundry so I can actually go to work in the morning in proper attire.
I often feel that way. Most days I wake up not expecting anything great and I'm right and its just another lameass day where nothing really worth anything in the grand scheme of things happens. And then there are times where I think something is going to be so great and it never pans out. I often feel like this. Disappointed. It sucks to be in a feeling of constant disappointment like nothing is really worth anything at all cause nothing will ever be what you hoped it to be.
I feel like there are so many things that make me happy but one in particular to ice the cake. And it always seems like I can't have that one thing. I don't often conciously look for it, but sometimes I think it finds me and then I'm just wrong and end up disappointed again,
I went to the beach today and I got a lot of color which thrills me!!! (I was looking mighty pasty and not as summer me as I would have liked.) So now I have some color and some more blond in my hair. (Shit I just realized I have no clean shirts for work tomorrow) It was nice out obviously so no one lost their heads, and I finally got a real day off...just in time to not have any for about 2 weeks. I laid on the beach all day and it was glorious.
Irony sucks. I never used to be a big drinker until I turned 21 and I could no longer get in trouble for drinking so I started living it up. And then I found out with this disease I can't drink so much, like at all. And I miss it terribly.
I've been so miserable without any friends or any guy to hang out with. I wanted this summer to be great, but its just filled with a routine of work and eating (strictly) and doctors offices.
I just want to fall in love. Even if just for a little while, I need that. I need to feel affection and to know that someone cares enough to know how I am that isn't related to me or asking in need of feeling like our friendship requires it. I'm so tired. I find no one interesting or exciting, and I find one person who I actually don't mind hanging out with, in fact, I dare say, I enjoy haning out with thoroughly...and it's just not looking good folks.
I don't understand this life thing, and I'm afraid I'll never get it. I don't understand how to be happy everyday. Or how to get what you want. Or how to make friends or meet people. I don't even trust that I can/want to get a job. I'm starting to be scared that I don't really want to live life at all because I just don't seem to be good at the game. And we all know I hate losing.
This probably seems like a lot of gobbldy gook to everyone, but it makes sense to me. I'm going to sleep now and hopefully I'll be awakened by a late night phone call, but first a bit of laundry so I can actually go to work in the morning in proper attire.