Moving forward-ish.
It's been most of a week since the breakup. I've had to block the ex on several channels. I'm tired of the anger and the spoiled attitude. I'm not happy being single... rather, it feels like I've just grown more listless, disconnected, and withdrawn... but I also realize that I wasn't in much of a relationship to begin with.
The fact of the matter is that regardless of how much control I have over other aspects of life, the whole relationship thing has never been kind to me. I need to figure out where my fault and blame in all of this starts and where it ends. I think a large portion is moving too quickly, likely because I end up only finding someone who is interested in me once every several years, and I just go in too quickly and too deeply for my own good. Then stuff like this happens. Four to six months later, the magic has completely disappeared and I'm left with someone I hardly knew in the first place. I really shouldn't have compromised my principles in the first place, but I find it especially hard when, well, it's not exactly like I have dates lined up. In the past three years I've had perhaps three or four. I really don't know how to meet people, or even express interest in the first place. I'm not completely socially awkward; it's that I'm just unable to turn off the professional switch. Also, my social situation precludes me from meeting new people. The few remaining 'realspace' friends I have are all married or otherwise involved with a partner, and they keep to themselves and their hobbies. I work most of the time, and the typical advice of going out to bars and clubs are just completely out of the question. I'm 31, not 21. I also don't want to bring large amounts of alcohol into my dating pool either... I've had far too much of that.
So, the cycle will likely continue. I'll be single and gripe about the sappy, happy couples(though not as much as my job focuses more on software configuration, phone systems and interfaces than helping the clueless husband choose that perfect gift for his wife) for three, maybe five years, and enter another relationship in my mid-30s that will also last another few months and end just as spectacularly badly. It'd be nice to break that cycle, but I'm also cynical enough to believe that it's not going to happen.
In other news, my savings goal is now at almost 19%. It hasn't even hit January yet, and I'm a fifth of the way there. That's actually highly encouraging. Especially since between tax returns and selling the Bonneville I'm halfway there already. This is one dream I'm going to realize, come Hell or high water. Relationships be damned... it's time to get some nostalgia back in my life. Heh.
The fact of the matter is that regardless of how much control I have over other aspects of life, the whole relationship thing has never been kind to me. I need to figure out where my fault and blame in all of this starts and where it ends. I think a large portion is moving too quickly, likely because I end up only finding someone who is interested in me once every several years, and I just go in too quickly and too deeply for my own good. Then stuff like this happens. Four to six months later, the magic has completely disappeared and I'm left with someone I hardly knew in the first place. I really shouldn't have compromised my principles in the first place, but I find it especially hard when, well, it's not exactly like I have dates lined up. In the past three years I've had perhaps three or four. I really don't know how to meet people, or even express interest in the first place. I'm not completely socially awkward; it's that I'm just unable to turn off the professional switch. Also, my social situation precludes me from meeting new people. The few remaining 'realspace' friends I have are all married or otherwise involved with a partner, and they keep to themselves and their hobbies. I work most of the time, and the typical advice of going out to bars and clubs are just completely out of the question. I'm 31, not 21. I also don't want to bring large amounts of alcohol into my dating pool either... I've had far too much of that.
So, the cycle will likely continue. I'll be single and gripe about the sappy, happy couples(though not as much as my job focuses more on software configuration, phone systems and interfaces than helping the clueless husband choose that perfect gift for his wife) for three, maybe five years, and enter another relationship in my mid-30s that will also last another few months and end just as spectacularly badly. It'd be nice to break that cycle, but I'm also cynical enough to believe that it's not going to happen.
In other news, my savings goal is now at almost 19%. It hasn't even hit January yet, and I'm a fifth of the way there. That's actually highly encouraging. Especially since between tax returns and selling the Bonneville I'm halfway there already. This is one dream I'm going to realize, come Hell or high water. Relationships be damned... it's time to get some nostalgia back in my life. Heh.