(no subject)
im going away in four days. im pretty frightened. ive never been away from home for a long period of time. i'll be leaving everything i know that i love, for something that i am very unsure of. ive had reassurance from my foreman that anxiety, nervousness, and excitement are all part and parsel of first time tree planting. that only calms me so much. im afraid that when im out there i'll just want to come home right away. not that there is anything wrong with home. i dont want to be miles away and feel the distance, which i guess is what im afraid of most. i know life will continue for people here, but i dont want to be removed from people's lives. im going to make my best effort to call often and be part of those lives i consider worth being involved in. i just know that i cant control the situation from across the country. and what if im forgotten?
i have a motel room for the first couple of days. those days will be the hardest because i will be alone. i dont want to just sit there worrying and crying over things that i cant control. but i worry now that i may do just that. and i dont want to look like a wuss in front of all these manly woodsmen. this is something that i want to do and am going to do for myself; but, i am not going to make this my entire life. im not going to forget anyone, and im going to continue to love the people in my life that are in nova scotia. in actuality, im not really ever leaving them. i dont know if they know that, and so im afraid they will be hurt.
i want to continue feeling support from the people that are giving it to me. and i want them to know that three months isnt a long time. and i'll be home soon.
i have a motel room for the first couple of days. those days will be the hardest because i will be alone. i dont want to just sit there worrying and crying over things that i cant control. but i worry now that i may do just that. and i dont want to look like a wuss in front of all these manly woodsmen. this is something that i want to do and am going to do for myself; but, i am not going to make this my entire life. im not going to forget anyone, and im going to continue to love the people in my life that are in nova scotia. in actuality, im not really ever leaving them. i dont know if they know that, and so im afraid they will be hurt.
i want to continue feeling support from the people that are giving it to me. and i want them to know that three months isnt a long time. and i'll be home soon.