Phone Call
Hey,
It's me again.
I can't stop thinking about you. I don't know quite why. You've been in my thoughts recently, even though I haven't heard from you in years. You used to call me randomly, sometimes everyday and other times months and months would go by before you would call. Back then, it never bothered me much if you would call or if you wouldn't.
You were one of the few that I never waited around for. I want apologize for that.
I didn't love you like you said you loved me. I want to apologize for that.
I always felt anxious around you. I'm sorry.
Do you remember when you called me from overseas? You were in the army. Are you still over there? You said you found a stray kitten, and you named it after me. You said that the thought of me is what kept you going. Was that true?
Do you remember calling me and telling me you were getting married? I believe you've gotten married a few times now, but I could be mistaken. All I felt was annoyance. How could you rush off to marry other people, after claiming various times that I was the one that helped you become a better person? All I did was chew you out for rushing into things with women who were only going to use you. You said you knew I was going to react that way, but you wanted me to be happy for you. Do you remember?
I'm especially restless tonight. The thought of you has kept me awake. Are you happy now? Where are you? I can't find you. Do you still have the same number? I bet you wouldn't believe me if I told you have still have that number saved in my phone, even though I haven't heard from you all this time.
Do I dare call you?
I can't find any trace of you. I don't know what to do Snoopy. My life is in shambles. It always has been, to be honest. No, I don't want to find you thinking you'd make my life better. I don't want to use you. I just want to know that you're okay. I want to know you're happy. Please be happy.
Back then, I didn't get it. I didn't get you. I was so young. Yeah, I know you did use me a couple times. And yeah, I don't think you even knew what love really was, but neither did I. You never were hurtful though, and at the end of the day thats all that matters. You said a lot of pretty words to me, and even if they might not have been true they were still very sweet and I know you meant good in the end.
Do you remember that hockey jersey you gave me? I held onto it for years. I'm so sorry I dont have it anymore. I threw many things out over a year ago because it was too painful to hold onto, and that jersey happened to be in that box. I'm so sorry. I wish I still had it, because then I could wear it and know that someone out there actually did care about me. I'd go to sleep in it knowing that you had cared about me in your own special way.
I wish we hadn't met while I was 18. I wish we had met much later on. I like to think that I get you now. I'm sorry I didn't appriciate you enough. I like to think these letters I write and post online somehow reach who they're meant for. Even though I know you'll never actually get this, it's nice to have a tiny bit of "false hope".
Here's to hoping the phone will ring, and it'll be your voice on the other end of the line when I pick up.
Love Always,
B
It's me again.
I can't stop thinking about you. I don't know quite why. You've been in my thoughts recently, even though I haven't heard from you in years. You used to call me randomly, sometimes everyday and other times months and months would go by before you would call. Back then, it never bothered me much if you would call or if you wouldn't.
You were one of the few that I never waited around for. I want apologize for that.
I didn't love you like you said you loved me. I want to apologize for that.
I always felt anxious around you. I'm sorry.
Do you remember when you called me from overseas? You were in the army. Are you still over there? You said you found a stray kitten, and you named it after me. You said that the thought of me is what kept you going. Was that true?
Do you remember calling me and telling me you were getting married? I believe you've gotten married a few times now, but I could be mistaken. All I felt was annoyance. How could you rush off to marry other people, after claiming various times that I was the one that helped you become a better person? All I did was chew you out for rushing into things with women who were only going to use you. You said you knew I was going to react that way, but you wanted me to be happy for you. Do you remember?
I'm especially restless tonight. The thought of you has kept me awake. Are you happy now? Where are you? I can't find you. Do you still have the same number? I bet you wouldn't believe me if I told you have still have that number saved in my phone, even though I haven't heard from you all this time.
Do I dare call you?
I can't find any trace of you. I don't know what to do Snoopy. My life is in shambles. It always has been, to be honest. No, I don't want to find you thinking you'd make my life better. I don't want to use you. I just want to know that you're okay. I want to know you're happy. Please be happy.
Back then, I didn't get it. I didn't get you. I was so young. Yeah, I know you did use me a couple times. And yeah, I don't think you even knew what love really was, but neither did I. You never were hurtful though, and at the end of the day thats all that matters. You said a lot of pretty words to me, and even if they might not have been true they were still very sweet and I know you meant good in the end.
Do you remember that hockey jersey you gave me? I held onto it for years. I'm so sorry I dont have it anymore. I threw many things out over a year ago because it was too painful to hold onto, and that jersey happened to be in that box. I'm so sorry. I wish I still had it, because then I could wear it and know that someone out there actually did care about me. I'd go to sleep in it knowing that you had cared about me in your own special way.
I wish we hadn't met while I was 18. I wish we had met much later on. I like to think that I get you now. I'm sorry I didn't appriciate you enough. I like to think these letters I write and post online somehow reach who they're meant for. Even though I know you'll never actually get this, it's nice to have a tiny bit of "false hope".
Here's to hoping the phone will ring, and it'll be your voice on the other end of the line when I pick up.
Love Always,
B