(no subject)
its just so hard to think of myself as a fat person. i was always the skinny one. all skin and bones and nothing else...except boobs. now i'm fat. and it's not the number either because i only weigh 120. it's waist size. i have a 34 inch waistline which is just unbelievable...especially when you look at me sideways. the harder i try to get rid of this gut the more determined it is to stay exactly the way it is. and my body is so fussy and particular that it's hard to change it. i tried jogging, for instance, but it brings on my back pain. cycling does nothing. pilates helps a little but only temporarily. working out in general is doing nothing for my waistline but is good for everything else. I will get rid of it. hopefully before i go to london because i have a real cute outfit to wear, but this is going to be real hard. portion control doesn't work because i already eat very little. i have an egg sandwich for breakfast, a cup of soup for lunch and a box of raspberries for dinner, for example. that's not too much for an entire day. maybe a banana during the the day. and i think i have a pretty high level of fitness because exercising is doing nothing. i don't have a sedentary job and then i walk around the city going to my patients homes. the waistline didn't get like this all at once. it's been going this way for a number of years but now it's a full blown beer belly. i never thought this would happen to me. being fat.