(no subject)

[paintedonblack]

today i got sad. i don't know why. it was just one of those days that things sneak up on you and you've got no resistance to fight them. as a result i hurt laura. saying that "i hurt laura" is probably the most painful thing for me to say. i'd feel less guilty and less upset about saying "i shot a man." my body is exhausted but i can't sleep without her right now. my overwhelming emotions and anger through a series of misinterpretation and misdirections has led her to believe that she doesn't take good care of me. i can't think of a statement further from the truth. there is an abundance of reasons as to why i love her more than i love dinosaurs, the pretenders, and kittens combined, but my favorite reason and the thing that i consider the most important is that she's my safe place. the reason she's my safe place is because of how well she takes care of me. from handing me her little bear to sleep with when she leaves for work, taking care of the annoying knots in my neck, feeding me when i'm poor, being my best friend, putting gatorade on my swollen foot, to rushing in the house to grab me and tell me how much she missed me when i was only gone for a day. i couldn't ask for anything more out of one person. my actions are shameful and i want her to believe that it is my only wish to take care of her for the rest of my life. i might be lacking solidarity in alot of places right now, but one thing that i can rely on to be solid is her. i don't care if the whole world knows i messed up, i love her with every little last piece of my heart. i'm sorry for inflicting any kind of pain on the only girl that's got me good. i want it to be tomorrow and i want her to realize how amazing she is.

i want it to be thursday so i can leave school and be on my way to her.

i love you laura bennett.