Good bye
I can't do this anymore. For me, lj is just a boat load of superficiality. I have a decent number of people on my friends list, but it's meaningless because none of them are really friends - they're names, acquaintances, maybe. People are a very important part of my life and it makes me incredibly depressed to know that I don't have any friends out here. I have Will. That's it. I wish I could count Elizabeth as a friend, but I'm not really sure... Cassandra, but she's gone back home (MD) and then France for the summer. So, I'm alone. I love Will. He's great. But he's not everything. It's times like this when I really just want to pack up and go to Ireland and start over. I don't know that it would do any good though, but it seems that I'm just no good with people. I get along well enough with my professors, but it's still that teacher-student relationship. Aristotle talks about how friendship only exists among equals. *sigh*
So, I don't think I'll be on here anymore unless something should happen to change my mind, It just seems silly to be reading people's posts with whom I really have no connection. To some, this may seem like I'm giving up - not really trying to form friends. Whatever. They can think what they want; unless, they've talked to me, I don't think that they have any basis for their opinions about me - at the very least, they don't have the whole story. I feel as though I have tried. I've called people to try to get together and do things. I understand that people are busy but then I read on here about them hanging out with other people. ok, so, I'm just not important enough, Fine. It just gets back to what I've already said - no friends.
This is not a cry for help. Would I like to have friends? sure, absolutely. But I don't want pity. So, I'm finally going to stop pretending and face the facts that I'm alone. Maybe from there I can become less alone.
I just walked down to the gas station to get cigarettes. I was amazed at the number of guys who honked, whistled, asked for my number, asked if I was ok, asked if I needed a ride, etc... So, what does this mean? I'm attractive? Sure. That people do actually care about random others? Doubtful. However, if there's all these guys who seem to think I'm cute and yet I have no friends out here, what is that saying? Well, that some people are superficial and for those who aren't superficial, I just don't make the cut. Well, excellent.
Will likes me. That's something. And I have a few friends back in CO. That's something as well. So, why don't I have any out here? (other than Will). Well, I think I'm a good person. So, why don't others see it? Well, except for those who have known me for a while and really tried to get to know me, I'm probably rather boring. Let's face it: I get completely absorbed in my school work. I'm rather awkward in social situations - that is, I always feel out of place. Probably doesn't help that the first semester of this past year, I was not up to seeing people at all because of the whole Geoff thing and dealing with all that.
Well, I think I've pretty much come to terms with the whole Geoff thing. So, I guess now, I just have to start pushing myself to be more social. An increase in self-confidence would help because then I would always be worried about others' judging me. In anycase, reading lj will not help with that. If anything, it would hinder it because I could potentially lull myself into a sense of complacency, thinking that I do in fact have friends. So, I'm done.
So, I don't think I'll be on here anymore unless something should happen to change my mind, It just seems silly to be reading people's posts with whom I really have no connection. To some, this may seem like I'm giving up - not really trying to form friends. Whatever. They can think what they want; unless, they've talked to me, I don't think that they have any basis for their opinions about me - at the very least, they don't have the whole story. I feel as though I have tried. I've called people to try to get together and do things. I understand that people are busy but then I read on here about them hanging out with other people. ok, so, I'm just not important enough, Fine. It just gets back to what I've already said - no friends.
This is not a cry for help. Would I like to have friends? sure, absolutely. But I don't want pity. So, I'm finally going to stop pretending and face the facts that I'm alone. Maybe from there I can become less alone.
I just walked down to the gas station to get cigarettes. I was amazed at the number of guys who honked, whistled, asked for my number, asked if I was ok, asked if I needed a ride, etc... So, what does this mean? I'm attractive? Sure. That people do actually care about random others? Doubtful. However, if there's all these guys who seem to think I'm cute and yet I have no friends out here, what is that saying? Well, that some people are superficial and for those who aren't superficial, I just don't make the cut. Well, excellent.
Will likes me. That's something. And I have a few friends back in CO. That's something as well. So, why don't I have any out here? (other than Will). Well, I think I'm a good person. So, why don't others see it? Well, except for those who have known me for a while and really tried to get to know me, I'm probably rather boring. Let's face it: I get completely absorbed in my school work. I'm rather awkward in social situations - that is, I always feel out of place. Probably doesn't help that the first semester of this past year, I was not up to seeing people at all because of the whole Geoff thing and dealing with all that.
Well, I think I've pretty much come to terms with the whole Geoff thing. So, I guess now, I just have to start pushing myself to be more social. An increase in self-confidence would help because then I would always be worried about others' judging me. In anycase, reading lj will not help with that. If anything, it would hinder it because I could potentially lull myself into a sense of complacency, thinking that I do in fact have friends. So, I'm done.