this is a post about hair but not really
yasu had to cut his hair for job hunting & he looks like his brother now. it's lost it's soft fluffiness & his face doesn't look as small & the くるくる part by his cheeks is gone & his forehead looks big behind his shorter bangs & i'm basically in mourning it's like he's lost 50% of his sexiness. once he finds a job he can probably grow out the くるん part again & his bangs can be a bit longer & his face will look small & cute again, so like Sarah said his hair is taking a vacation. Sigh. I've only seen one picture that he sent me & I don't get to see it in person for week or two, & I take better pictures of him than he could ever take of himself so it probably looks better in person, but from that picture I can tell that even though his face is like a different shape now & his hair is stupid & boring his eyes are still the same & I love his eyes so much that it hurts. & even if he got into some sort of accident & lost all of his hair his eyes would still be his eyes & I would still love those eyes because they're his eyes & I love him & it's frightening really.
I almost feel like I'm too young and inexperienced to be feeling this way; I almost wish i had met him later in my life so that I would have less time available to lose him. I'm not sure how I managed to convince myself when we broke up during our long distance that I would be okay / find other people, the idea of him becoming a part of my past is absolutely horrifying. I have a lot of nightmares that I can't find him & I wake up shouting. Relationships are so frightening really, because there's no sure way of knowing what in the hell the other person is thinking. Even when he tells me how he feels somehow it's just never enough to reassure me. It's awful, really. But I think as time goes on that need for reassurance fades, hopefully so...& I guess all I can do is focus on making myself a better person so that i can reassure myself that I am worth staying with on my own, so that I can be someone worth staying with.
I almost feel like I'm too young and inexperienced to be feeling this way; I almost wish i had met him later in my life so that I would have less time available to lose him. I'm not sure how I managed to convince myself when we broke up during our long distance that I would be okay / find other people, the idea of him becoming a part of my past is absolutely horrifying. I have a lot of nightmares that I can't find him & I wake up shouting. Relationships are so frightening really, because there's no sure way of knowing what in the hell the other person is thinking. Even when he tells me how he feels somehow it's just never enough to reassure me. It's awful, really. But I think as time goes on that need for reassurance fades, hopefully so...& I guess all I can do is focus on making myself a better person so that i can reassure myself that I am worth staying with on my own, so that I can be someone worth staying with.