Sir Walter Hatchum's Teatime Terror! Not Trouble!
You are unconscious and therefore cannot see anything. You recall having some dream involving bears and a maiden on fire, but slowly it begins to fade away and the details begin to elude you. Slowly you begin to force your eyes open.
You are awake, although terribly dazed! "Up and at 'em!" you huff to yourself, leaping to your feet in one swift and beautiful motion!
Your are Sir Walter Hatchum! You are a fine British GENTLEMAN, and enjoy TEA, SCONES, SUITS, and other such GENTLEMANLY SWAG. You appear to be standing in your OFFICE.
Something seems to be amiss. You'd best start investigating!