Giving and Receiving
Oh, it's December and is it not a wondrous time? The weather is cold, prices go high, and we get gifts! The season of giving. I would like to again thank the people who gave me gifts. And even though I didn't receive most of the gifts I was asking for (most especially the fire extinguisher), it's a good thing I didn't receive gifts I didn't want.
With the obvious exception of vegetables, or anything that resembles a plant rather, one more gift would give me the idea that you probably have a hidden agenda of sadism in you - gift certificates.
Hypocriticism
Now I can't say I hate people who like gift certificates. I have nothing against them. In fact, I myself like, though as least as possible, to give them away for Christmas. Don't hate me yet! Before you call hypocrite and start stoning me to death, let me reassure you that it's the people who give me gift certificates I don't like. Very much like Barbie dolls, I don't hate people who like them and I'd even give them as gifts if people would prefer; I'd just add you to my list of people I consider as the antichrist if you ever gave me one.
Why the hatred?
Not so much hatred as seeing the sheer impracticality of it. I'd be happier, much happier, if you were to give me money instead. Hold your horses and tongues (and anything else that's moving and jumpy), here's a list of why gift certificates - GCs for the abbreviated - pale in practicality compared to money.
1. They expire.
Yes they do. That's already 85% of the reason I don't like them. It's like having some happy pet insect eating your money away, that you're forced to use or else it accounts to nothing. Like a time bomb ticking, slowly the fuse burns each time you don't eat at that italian resto. However...
2. You can't choose.
Well yes, you I choose from the menu, but here I am stuck with either cough syrup or pain relievers. Maybe I don't want to buy from a drug store in the first place. Or maybe I don't want another burger. Some are awfully retarded that you're stuck with buying from the exact branch the certificate was bought from. Good one genius, giving me one from Dubai. But that's too bad since...
3. They're permanently gift certificates.
Unlike real money, which you can invest in something partly legal or pay the rent with, gift certificates cannot be used for anything else. They can't be converted to foreign currency. They can't even be converted back to real money. You're stuck with it. It would have been a good investment but...
4. They cost exactly the same.
I'm wasting my time in line to wait for this and then you charge me for the exact same value? Really? No discount at all? And what's this into me, I don't get perks at all? Heck, cell phone load comes with free text, and some are sold for less than their value. I even get more freebies from charity sweepstakes. So it IS money, just with all the waiting in line crap. Oh wait...
5. Effort is transferred to the receiver.
Instead of just having the gift giver spend their time to look for a gift, they push the burden to the receiver. Ho boy, I'd have to go to the mall to buy a new book to read when I could have read that online (legally). And no, I won't take you with me to dinner just because you put in two gift certificates. They don't work like movie tickets. Finally...
6. They're stiff
I like splitting hairs; but honestly, if it's just a lame excuse for money, it should at least be more convenient to keep.
It's about giving
'Your reasoning's flawed!' cries the mob. Maybe. I still don't like receiving them. If in the event you chance upon a person who likes gift certificates - don't pass the opportunity! - here is another list to give you ideas as to how to present a stiff parchment aside from stuffing it inside an envelope.
1. Place it inside a Christmas card
Nothing says 'Merry Christmas, Generic Person!' like a Christmas card. Imagine their surprise to find a gift certificate inside! You could alternatively place glittery confetti inside so that it flies away - and gets stuck to their carpet when they open the card, condemning you in the process.
2. Matryoshka boxes
Nothing says you're the greatest person in the world like a fully wrapped, heavy giant box. Only inside is another box, with another box, with another box, with some rocks in duct tape and an envelope.
3. Hide it among a can of biscuits
Hidden well. Most canned biscuits have their lids unsealed. It's surprising to find another gift inside another, otherwise mundane gift. For the ultimate surprise, place one inside a ziplock and stick it inside a can of paint.
4. Snazzy treasure hunt
A simple one will do, one that traverses the house. Even better, prepare one that traverses the mall, leading the receiver to the store - ideally a restaurant. With a P250 gift certificate reward, you essentially treat the receiver to dinner. Except for the part where you secretly escape the P1000 bill.
5. Cut it to pieces like a puzzle
The fun and excitement of puzzles! The receiver will have countless hours of fun solving the puzzle as they slowly starve. Ask the store manager first if they accept gift certificates that are cut and reassembled using adhesives. For expert puzzle meisters, use a paper shredder.
It's just your own imagination that limits you. Gift certificate giving doesn't have to be utterly mundane. Make someone's Christmas more colorful with your creativity! And although I don't necessarily regift certificates I receive, that person can expect a mob with pitchforks the next time he comes out the house.
With the obvious exception of vegetables, or anything that resembles a plant rather, one more gift would give me the idea that you probably have a hidden agenda of sadism in you - gift certificates.
Hypocriticism
Now I can't say I hate people who like gift certificates. I have nothing against them. In fact, I myself like, though as least as possible, to give them away for Christmas. Don't hate me yet! Before you call hypocrite and start stoning me to death, let me reassure you that it's the people who give me gift certificates I don't like. Very much like Barbie dolls, I don't hate people who like them and I'd even give them as gifts if people would prefer; I'd just add you to my list of people I consider as the antichrist if you ever gave me one.
Why the hatred?
Not so much hatred as seeing the sheer impracticality of it. I'd be happier, much happier, if you were to give me money instead. Hold your horses and tongues (and anything else that's moving and jumpy), here's a list of why gift certificates - GCs for the abbreviated - pale in practicality compared to money.
1. They expire.
Yes they do. That's already 85% of the reason I don't like them. It's like having some happy pet insect eating your money away, that you're forced to use or else it accounts to nothing. Like a time bomb ticking, slowly the fuse burns each time you don't eat at that italian resto. However...
2. You can't choose.
Well yes, you I choose from the menu, but here I am stuck with either cough syrup or pain relievers. Maybe I don't want to buy from a drug store in the first place. Or maybe I don't want another burger. Some are awfully retarded that you're stuck with buying from the exact branch the certificate was bought from. Good one genius, giving me one from Dubai. But that's too bad since...
3. They're permanently gift certificates.
Unlike real money, which you can invest in something partly legal or pay the rent with, gift certificates cannot be used for anything else. They can't be converted to foreign currency. They can't even be converted back to real money. You're stuck with it. It would have been a good investment but...
4. They cost exactly the same.
I'm wasting my time in line to wait for this and then you charge me for the exact same value? Really? No discount at all? And what's this into me, I don't get perks at all? Heck, cell phone load comes with free text, and some are sold for less than their value. I even get more freebies from charity sweepstakes. So it IS money, just with all the waiting in line crap. Oh wait...
5. Effort is transferred to the receiver.
Instead of just having the gift giver spend their time to look for a gift, they push the burden to the receiver. Ho boy, I'd have to go to the mall to buy a new book to read when I could have read that online (legally). And no, I won't take you with me to dinner just because you put in two gift certificates. They don't work like movie tickets. Finally...
6. They're stiff
I like splitting hairs; but honestly, if it's just a lame excuse for money, it should at least be more convenient to keep.
It's about giving
'Your reasoning's flawed!' cries the mob. Maybe. I still don't like receiving them. If in the event you chance upon a person who likes gift certificates - don't pass the opportunity! - here is another list to give you ideas as to how to present a stiff parchment aside from stuffing it inside an envelope.
1. Place it inside a Christmas card
Nothing says 'Merry Christmas, Generic Person!' like a Christmas card. Imagine their surprise to find a gift certificate inside! You could alternatively place glittery confetti inside so that it flies away - and gets stuck to their carpet when they open the card, condemning you in the process.
2. Matryoshka boxes
Nothing says you're the greatest person in the world like a fully wrapped, heavy giant box. Only inside is another box, with another box, with another box, with some rocks in duct tape and an envelope.
3. Hide it among a can of biscuits
Hidden well. Most canned biscuits have their lids unsealed. It's surprising to find another gift inside another, otherwise mundane gift. For the ultimate surprise, place one inside a ziplock and stick it inside a can of paint.
4. Snazzy treasure hunt
A simple one will do, one that traverses the house. Even better, prepare one that traverses the mall, leading the receiver to the store - ideally a restaurant. With a P250 gift certificate reward, you essentially treat the receiver to dinner. Except for the part where you secretly escape the P1000 bill.
5. Cut it to pieces like a puzzle
The fun and excitement of puzzles! The receiver will have countless hours of fun solving the puzzle as they slowly starve. Ask the store manager first if they accept gift certificates that are cut and reassembled using adhesives. For expert puzzle meisters, use a paper shredder.
It's just your own imagination that limits you. Gift certificate giving doesn't have to be utterly mundane. Make someone's Christmas more colorful with your creativity! And although I don't necessarily regift certificates I receive, that person can expect a mob with pitchforks the next time he comes out the house.