Josh Day

[painlessemotion]

So I tell everyone that I have never been in love. Well I stand corrected. It hit me last night in a dream. I dreamed I saw my ex boyfriend Josh. He came up to me and told me he still loved me and that he wanted to be with me. I woke up almost in tears because I wanted to keep dreaming. I sat up and realized that it was just a dream, that Josh still hates me, even though I have no clue what I did wrong. It hurts me so much to know that he's out of my life and I don't know why. It's been a little over a year and I still hurt whenever I think of how it ended. Maybe it was my fault. I guess I wasn't such a good girlfriend but I never meant to hurt him, I know I hurt him. I remember sitting on my back portch and knowing it was over, he told me we would always be friends. I wish it were true. So today I went to Katie's feeling really low. I really miss Josh. Everything I did reminded me of him. We went up to Bent Mountain and we passed by where he lives, I saw several trucks that looked like his, it made my heart sink even more. I wanted to cry, I wanted to find him but I know he's gone, he moved somewhere for two years for his mission trip and i have no clue where. I miss him and there is nothing I can do about it. I just want him to say he forgives me for whatever happened. I truly am sorry. I just wish he realized that I still care, I will always care, I can't stop caring, I can't stop thinking about him, and it hurts like hell. I just want to be with him. I would give anything to have one more day with him, even if it was as a friend. He has no idea how much I miss him, and I'm to chicken to even email him. I'm too scared to let him know how I feel, it's been a year and 2 months and I still can't let go. I've dated other people since but its not the same, i haven't felt the same. I guess I'm lovesick for something I know I can never have. Everything today reminded me of him and it sucks. Today was bitter sweet. I got to hang out with katie which was awesome but the constant reminder of josh just depressed me. I feel empty.
I let go there's just no one who gets me like you do, you are my only one.

Annie