Keep going
I keep going and I haven't much felt like it the past few days. Things are still going on the up and up but I'm getting in a funk and keeping Kate happy has been a real chore for a while. I joke to myself that I can handle raising a moody teenager but it has been like this for over a year straight.
I'm getting very tired of it and tired of trying to cheer her up and keep up a front but at some point I might crack and just say I want more distance, I want a different relationship, etc etc. I'd rather work things out and I am NOT a cheater but I'm not sure that working things out will be an option.
Also told my dad to fuck off again. Haven't talked to him in 4 months and I kinda don't care. His girlfriend kept telling him to call me and ridicule my life, she was in the background cheerleading him into asking rude questions so I hung up on them. I slept on it, decided I was tired of him letting every girlfriend of his just act like an absolute bitch to his kids, I'm tired of him ignoring us and generally being useless in every aspect so I threatened to bring his girlfriends family into this drama she was starting up. If you cause problems with me, I'll cause problems in your side. I didn't, but I think the message was clear that I can and will spread the drama out of control. He tried saying they care but if thats the case then why was I never invited to any of her family events? Because she doesn't care, and I know he doesn't care. I see through the lies and excuses.
I'm just in a funk and all I have is my brother. Kate is just dragging me down emotionally. I don't even like the food she makes, she's been cooking a lot of fish lately that is barely room temperature and I'm getting very concerned about her food safety habits so as of today I'm cooking for myself.
In more positive news I have a new addiction and that is going to bed early. Going to bed at 10:30pm with maybe 1 or 2 beers in my system has been great. I'm slimming down, and I accidentally broke my vape on Halloween about 6 weeks ago and never bought a new one. I DID buy a new one yesterday, but I didn't vape. I may or may not pick it up. The negative side effects seem so small it appears to only be a simple choice of IF I want to vape, it'll be fine. The only thing I don't like about vaping is it can burn my lungs because moderation is not in my ability unfortunately when it comes to smoking. I did quit cigarettes quit a while ago and I am so glad I did, those things were nasty.
I'm still in college and in one more year I will have my bachelors for Cybersecurity. I may want to take some ancillary real estate classes because I really love this industry and I have great connections. Seems to be where my career is going anyway. Once I get my bachelors, I'm going to strongly consider getting my masters degree. This is big for me because it took so much effort to get into college, getting my associates alone was a big deal. I spent years renovating my childhood home, raising money for building supplies, getting tools and skills to fix it, just so I could finally get college started. I'll never forget when I was delivering pizza in the cold rain and I was sick with a cold that I delivered to some young kid who was upset about college starting the next day. He stiffed me of course, but I wish he could have been me for one day so he could have appreciated the opportunity life afforded him. It's ok to be born with advantage, nothing wrong with it, but don't waste it or be unappreciative.