A much needed update
Hello LiveJournal, been a few years. Things have been on the up and up, and a few things are becoming painfully apparent.
First off, still dating woes. Been total shit. Forgot if I mentioned in my last post but I dated a girl named Vara for 8 months and I am proud of myself for drastically changing my behavior, and willing to compromise. It didn't work out because I literally could not take her anywhere - I'd get shouted at in public cause I hadn't proposed to her, she'd shout at me cause I wanted to show her something on my phone and she insisted I needed to pay attention to her, etc etc. To cut it short, she didn't love me, she loved attention. After I broke up with her a few days later she already was dating several guys, and by the end of the week had a new boyfriend. Wow, to think she 'loved' me. No, once again, she loved attention and I really dodged a bullet. When she had the new boyfriend a week later, another week later she saw a doctor and it turned out she had cancer and needed her breasts removed. I had wanted to break up with her for a few months but I kept convincing myself to put effort into it, and make this one different. I did great, I could have done better, but I did amazing. I also noticed when the cut off point should happen, and it should happen when I constantly feel like I'm doing charity work by hanging out with her, and when I get a phone call from her I'm never excited. Like.. at all.... and I could always depend on either shouting or crying. Like, for fucks sake, act half your age. Don't cry to the guy who was working 3 jobs about how your life sucks.
Anyway, after that relationship ended I spent more time finishing up college and focusing on a Sisters of Mercy tribute band. 2 years of development and 1 year of playing live (3 years total) we played an amazing show. I felt like a rock star. We had a hotel room, the venue offered us drugs and girls (I don't do drugs, but still happy for the offer) and we went out there and really fucking nailed the set. I had a solid band, there were solid recordings of the show, and Evan tackled me after the show he was so happy. I can't believe I fell into that gig. Rather, maybe I didnt fall in to it, Evan and I earned it. We had Glenn on guitar.
Glenn has been an amazing influence on me for nearly 8 years at this point. I'm 2000% a better musician than I ever was, and I also get nasty realities from him. He's AAA good on a guitar, but only making $100 a show. I think I made the right choice focusing on college instead of blindly rehearsing like I was. I'm good, could be better, but I can still smoke a lot of musicians on multiple instruments. I hate to say it, but I am good enough and I'm ok. Complacent.
Anyway, chicken nuggets are ready, who knows when this will update next.
Oh, and tonight I had a 21 year old girl tell me I was too old to hit on her. I didn't know she was 21, and I did disclose my age (37) but... I've never been told I'm too old. Ouch. I've kinda given up on finding any respectable woman. I think the dating pool I'm drawing from is total shit, and they love total shit. I'm not a fat bearded hipster bartender with no hobbies... obviously I'm not as desirable as them. Beyond annoyed with dating and trying to understand it, but I can't let bitterness get to me or else I completely lose the game.