(no subject)
i haven't updated in forever. thats usually how it goes tho. either i update every day or like once a month. i can't help it, either i don't have time or i simply don't feel like doin it.
i been thinkin about mad shit now that i`m gunna b 17 in two months [ from this thursday]. time goes by too fast. like my baby brother started school this year. and babygirl gunna b in high school soon. pretty soon it'll be the SATs and choosing colleges. applications. senior year. graduation. time goes by too fast.
to think that my whole life [ exaggeration ] will change when i turn 17. license & my own car. freedom. 65 days. but that freedom comes with so much responsibility. i`ma be so scared to drive my sister or brother around. when you drive you are responsible for a person's life. its scary.
i been thinking about mad shit that i really want to write about but i'm hesitant because i know that it'll probably start drama. or i`ll get shit for it. all i wanna do is just write about everything i'm feeling. so i guess i`ll do a few things that are on my mind
MY CAR [ i love my car. i love the way it sounds when i press on the gas pedal. i love how it drives and easy it is to manuever. my dad doesn't want to drive with me, so instead i get to drive it around myself. just around my neighborhood. i can't wait till i can drive it whereever i want it. i`ma live in my car. i`ll never have to be home if i don't wanna. and yes my car will bring me to my best friend. oh just the thought of being able to see him whenever i want too. i decided that my car is guy. lol. i haven't decided what to name him yet tho. i can't wait to get it hooked up inside. i wanna get a police radar thingie. and then either a cd player in it or the new radio/cd thin that reads out the songs names and crap that are on the radio. its madd hot.]
WORK [ blah. i hate it. it makes me so miserable and i can't stand to deal with it anymore. its a very unfair place in which you need connections to get anywhere. it doesn't matter how hard u work or how long you have worked there, you don't get anywhere if you don't have any connections. it sucks tho, cause work is partly ruining a friendship i have with someone else. joe quit like last week. i wish i could quit too. but instead in january i`ma get another job during the week and then just work at pathmark on the weekends for gas money & shiit.]
jA RULE [ :) i bought his new album yesterday R.U.L.E , it's a fuckin hot ass album. my collection is complete. i have all 7 of his albums. i really want a shirt or somethin with him on it. the only one i kno of are online and i don`t have my credit card yet. oh well .. ]
FRiENDS [ its amazing how many friends and/or best friends you think you are gunna be friends forver. BFFL is bullshiit. nobody stays friends forever. i learned that the hard way. throughout my years at high school, i`ve lost so many friendships. and this is the stuff i`ma prob get shit for. but fuck it. this my journal and i`ma express my feelings whether they like it or not. 2 friendships that still hurt me was the ones i had with melissa and vickie. thinking about it right now, i put two and two together and realize many things. 1 being that they were somewhat pretending to want to be my friend. i guess they didn't want to hurt me? but when i found out certain shit, it hurt even more. instead of just telling me to my face that they wanted nothing to do with me, they acted like we were all good friends again. deep down they hated me. i never would of thought that they had feelings like that towards me, but i guess you never really know what people think about you. the 2nd thing is mainly about melissa. that she would say such hurtful things about me behind my back. and treat me like a charity case. saying she felt bad for me. saying that she only "took" me back as a friend because she felt bad for me. stupid stupid me thinking that this girl wanted to be friends with me again and that she really missed me. how fucking stupid was i?? this girl calls me out of the blue and its like things are back to the way they used to be when we were best friends.i loved this girl and she was my best friend for a long time. she was always there for me and my house was like hers. its funny out a few words can erase a few years of friendship. it hurt so bad that she had such hatred towards me and covered it up and acted like she wanted to be my friend again. and lastly. putting two and two together. i shouldve have realized it sooner. that neither of them wanted anything to do with me. it was always them two, and i being left out. i always just thought that maybe they forgot to ask me to do stuff or whatever. but in reality they wanted nothing to do with me. how stupid could i have been ? how blind could i have been? i wanna hit myself for how blind i was. i should've known. but i didnt put it together until i heard what she had said about me. the world can be so fucking cold. and go ahead say shit to me if u want to or comment calling me a drama queen. whatever the fuck you guys want - do it. i been holding this shit in for too long and i need to get over it. i needa breathe. but i been suffocating w/ this shit built up inside.]
SCHOOL [ school has been okay. AP Bio is a hard ass class, but i`m doin pretty good, well better then a few in my class. my average isnt goin to in the 90s but nobody in that class will b. its basically lectures everyday , at leaset 2 or 3 quizzes a week, sometimes more. usually a test a week. a few homework packets throughout the week. and 4 period labs everyweek - mondays and tuesdays 2 periods each. its a fast paced class, but thats what college is all about. italian honors & english honors haven't been as hard as i thought they were gonna be, but its still only the first semester. i`m pretty sure that next year i`ll be taking AP Italian and AP English. cause i think english next year is AP. there is also a possibility of a italian national society. ferrazzi is tryna get that started. pre calc i`m doin aight in. i like the teacher and the way she teaches. i`m just not that great in math. history - camwell - shouldn't he have died already ? god. i hate that class but surprisingly i`m doin a lot better then i did last year. i haven't failed any tests. i got high 80s on both of them. and i been doin all my homework.]
NATiONAL HONOR SOCiETY [ i gotta go get a new sheet from mrs. bailey tomorro morning. i keep forgetting. my community service has been going good. i only got 35 hours left to go. i`m so proud of myself to have been invited to be in the NHS. only the top 20% get invited, and not even all of them make it in because of all the hours you gotta do. i`m really happy that all my hard work is finally paying off. if things go the way they should, i get to graduate with honors. how many people get to say that? and no i`m not bragging. i`m just proud of my accomplishments. ]
i think thats about it. my head hurts from this computer. so i think i`ma go take a quick nap. i feel like driving tho so maybe i`ma go take the car out again and drive around the block a few times. sounds pretty good.
1
i been thinkin about mad shit now that i`m gunna b 17 in two months [ from this thursday]. time goes by too fast. like my baby brother started school this year. and babygirl gunna b in high school soon. pretty soon it'll be the SATs and choosing colleges. applications. senior year. graduation. time goes by too fast.
to think that my whole life [ exaggeration ] will change when i turn 17. license & my own car. freedom. 65 days. but that freedom comes with so much responsibility. i`ma be so scared to drive my sister or brother around. when you drive you are responsible for a person's life. its scary.
i been thinking about mad shit that i really want to write about but i'm hesitant because i know that it'll probably start drama. or i`ll get shit for it. all i wanna do is just write about everything i'm feeling. so i guess i`ll do a few things that are on my mind
MY CAR [ i love my car. i love the way it sounds when i press on the gas pedal. i love how it drives and easy it is to manuever. my dad doesn't want to drive with me, so instead i get to drive it around myself. just around my neighborhood. i can't wait till i can drive it whereever i want it. i`ma live in my car. i`ll never have to be home if i don't wanna. and yes my car will bring me to my best friend. oh just the thought of being able to see him whenever i want too. i decided that my car is guy. lol. i haven't decided what to name him yet tho. i can't wait to get it hooked up inside. i wanna get a police radar thingie. and then either a cd player in it or the new radio/cd thin that reads out the songs names and crap that are on the radio. its madd hot.]
WORK [ blah. i hate it. it makes me so miserable and i can't stand to deal with it anymore. its a very unfair place in which you need connections to get anywhere. it doesn't matter how hard u work or how long you have worked there, you don't get anywhere if you don't have any connections. it sucks tho, cause work is partly ruining a friendship i have with someone else. joe quit like last week. i wish i could quit too. but instead in january i`ma get another job during the week and then just work at pathmark on the weekends for gas money & shiit.]
jA RULE [ :) i bought his new album yesterday R.U.L.E , it's a fuckin hot ass album. my collection is complete. i have all 7 of his albums. i really want a shirt or somethin with him on it. the only one i kno of are online and i don`t have my credit card yet. oh well .. ]
FRiENDS [ its amazing how many friends and/or best friends you think you are gunna be friends forver. BFFL is bullshiit. nobody stays friends forever. i learned that the hard way. throughout my years at high school, i`ve lost so many friendships. and this is the stuff i`ma prob get shit for. but fuck it. this my journal and i`ma express my feelings whether they like it or not. 2 friendships that still hurt me was the ones i had with melissa and vickie. thinking about it right now, i put two and two together and realize many things. 1 being that they were somewhat pretending to want to be my friend. i guess they didn't want to hurt me? but when i found out certain shit, it hurt even more. instead of just telling me to my face that they wanted nothing to do with me, they acted like we were all good friends again. deep down they hated me. i never would of thought that they had feelings like that towards me, but i guess you never really know what people think about you. the 2nd thing is mainly about melissa. that she would say such hurtful things about me behind my back. and treat me like a charity case. saying she felt bad for me. saying that she only "took" me back as a friend because she felt bad for me. stupid stupid me thinking that this girl wanted to be friends with me again and that she really missed me. how fucking stupid was i?? this girl calls me out of the blue and its like things are back to the way they used to be when we were best friends.i loved this girl and she was my best friend for a long time. she was always there for me and my house was like hers. its funny out a few words can erase a few years of friendship. it hurt so bad that she had such hatred towards me and covered it up and acted like she wanted to be my friend again. and lastly. putting two and two together. i shouldve have realized it sooner. that neither of them wanted anything to do with me. it was always them two, and i being left out. i always just thought that maybe they forgot to ask me to do stuff or whatever. but in reality they wanted nothing to do with me. how stupid could i have been ? how blind could i have been? i wanna hit myself for how blind i was. i should've known. but i didnt put it together until i heard what she had said about me. the world can be so fucking cold. and go ahead say shit to me if u want to or comment calling me a drama queen. whatever the fuck you guys want - do it. i been holding this shit in for too long and i need to get over it. i needa breathe. but i been suffocating w/ this shit built up inside.]
SCHOOL [ school has been okay. AP Bio is a hard ass class, but i`m doin pretty good, well better then a few in my class. my average isnt goin to in the 90s but nobody in that class will b. its basically lectures everyday , at leaset 2 or 3 quizzes a week, sometimes more. usually a test a week. a few homework packets throughout the week. and 4 period labs everyweek - mondays and tuesdays 2 periods each. its a fast paced class, but thats what college is all about. italian honors & english honors haven't been as hard as i thought they were gonna be, but its still only the first semester. i`m pretty sure that next year i`ll be taking AP Italian and AP English. cause i think english next year is AP. there is also a possibility of a italian national society. ferrazzi is tryna get that started. pre calc i`m doin aight in. i like the teacher and the way she teaches. i`m just not that great in math. history - camwell - shouldn't he have died already ? god. i hate that class but surprisingly i`m doin a lot better then i did last year. i haven't failed any tests. i got high 80s on both of them. and i been doin all my homework.]
NATiONAL HONOR SOCiETY [ i gotta go get a new sheet from mrs. bailey tomorro morning. i keep forgetting. my community service has been going good. i only got 35 hours left to go. i`m so proud of myself to have been invited to be in the NHS. only the top 20% get invited, and not even all of them make it in because of all the hours you gotta do. i`m really happy that all my hard work is finally paying off. if things go the way they should, i get to graduate with honors. how many people get to say that? and no i`m not bragging. i`m just proud of my accomplishments. ]
i think thats about it. my head hurts from this computer. so i think i`ma go take a quick nap. i feel like driving tho so maybe i`ma go take the car out again and drive around the block a few times. sounds pretty good.
1