or just emotionally unstable?
sup diary,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4&eurl
i must be pregnant or going through menopause becuase this video made me cry.
maybe i'm just lonely.
i've had a pretty good time home in nj thus far. i've gotten to see most but not all of the people i set out to see...
it's hard only being in town for short periods at a time. i miss the people here, but not really the place.. there's nothing here for me besides my friends.
my family is dreadful and living in this house is as depressing as ever. i dont know why i think it will get better. nothing changes. my mom is always going to be emotionally unavailable and insensitive. my brother has been much nicer to me, and i'm not sure why but i'm greatful. he's only freaked out and yelled at me a few times, and has been significantly less violent. awes.
i went to the dentist the other day to get 2 fillings. it was probably the worst day everrrrrrrr. my apt was at 12:15 so i get dropped off and an hour later my dentist still hasnt arrived so the assistant asks if i want to come back later or another day, but i'm stranded there and wont have a way to leave or get back. i also havnt eaten because i was going to wait until later when the novacaine wore off. so, i just wait, basically not even knowing that when she got in if she would be able to take me. she gets there at around 2:10 and BARELY appologizes. WHAT THE FUCK, BITCH? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!? okay, fine whatever! so, i get done what has to be done and when it's over she says that i need to make an appointment to get my crown on another tooth fixed becuase it's fucked up, and i just like freaked out because my limited insurance does not cover it and also, it would take 2 visits to fix and i don't have time before i leave anyway. so i'm freaking out becuase it's like 675 dollars that i do not have. so, i call my brother cryiing and emotionally wrecked and he's like, "i'm on my way." we live like 3 minutes away MAX and a half hour later he still hasnt arrived. so, i call him and he says again that he's on his way, so i keep waiting and he never comes yet again so every few minutes i keep calling, but a total of 3 more times, like WHAT THE FUCK, BITCH? so many bitches today... and he finally gets there an HOUR after i first called him crying. WHAT??? he gives me some lame shit that doesnt make anysense and YELLS AT ME a million times while im still crying and then yells at me to tell him whats wrong, like yeah, buddy that'll gain my trust you're such a fucker.
so, yeah that blew. but then i hung out with kenny! which was great and made me feel so much better and my numbness miraculously wore off just in time to get some RAYS pizza. ive missed that shit. THEN i hung out with PAT TOM AND JOE !!!!!!!! diner like old times what what. yes! i missed them all, esp joe because i havnt seen him in FOREVERRRR, the longest out of everyone. and hi guys! becuase you demonstrated that you actually read this thing, so hi!!!!!! and yesterday i saw j-mal which was nice and we watched Dawn of the Dead and i was really scared and creeped out by the mall ZOMBIES, i dont know why, but i was. and i liked it but i'm told i need to see Shaun of the Dead, because it's actually good and funny. Then, i drove to Harrison to see RYAN AND GINA, SUP! hey babies! which was great and we just chilled in their sweet apt with a sick view of interstate 280. i'm glad they're back in jrz even though i'm not. woo!
now, i'm going to go do what i do best. CLEAN. JK LOL ugh. i have to clean out my car so i can try to sell it. because I"M BROKE sup i hate this . i wish i had MONEY! who doesnt? well, i dont know. but i hate thinking about finances as much as i do. and i hate that my mom is a fucking bitch and wont cosign on a loan for me but will for my brother. i'm just so freaked out about how to make all the shit i have to afford happen. i really need to get a computer, but it looks increasingly like a pipedream and it's just really depressing.. speaking of depressing, i need to also find and afford a therapist and psychiatrist so i can get some meds because i should never stopped taking them. not that i'm crazy, but i kind of am. but really i just function so much better. also, i need to afford another semester at HCC but i'm so scared because im broke!!!! maybe i'll make something of myself one of these days. god, this journal is getting so depressing. UPSIDE! i might be going to a show tonight. and that's exciting because it means more of the people that i like to see! and also, i havnt gone to a show in sooooooo long, and it's weird because it used to be such a big part of my life... and i miss it. let's dance! ::sigh:: okay, so now im going to really get a move on this cleaning thing. BYE BABIES!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4&eurl
i must be pregnant or going through menopause becuase this video made me cry.
maybe i'm just lonely.
i've had a pretty good time home in nj thus far. i've gotten to see most but not all of the people i set out to see...
it's hard only being in town for short periods at a time. i miss the people here, but not really the place.. there's nothing here for me besides my friends.
my family is dreadful and living in this house is as depressing as ever. i dont know why i think it will get better. nothing changes. my mom is always going to be emotionally unavailable and insensitive. my brother has been much nicer to me, and i'm not sure why but i'm greatful. he's only freaked out and yelled at me a few times, and has been significantly less violent. awes.
i went to the dentist the other day to get 2 fillings. it was probably the worst day everrrrrrrr. my apt was at 12:15 so i get dropped off and an hour later my dentist still hasnt arrived so the assistant asks if i want to come back later or another day, but i'm stranded there and wont have a way to leave or get back. i also havnt eaten because i was going to wait until later when the novacaine wore off. so, i just wait, basically not even knowing that when she got in if she would be able to take me. she gets there at around 2:10 and BARELY appologizes. WHAT THE FUCK, BITCH? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!? okay, fine whatever! so, i get done what has to be done and when it's over she says that i need to make an appointment to get my crown on another tooth fixed becuase it's fucked up, and i just like freaked out because my limited insurance does not cover it and also, it would take 2 visits to fix and i don't have time before i leave anyway. so i'm freaking out becuase it's like 675 dollars that i do not have. so, i call my brother cryiing and emotionally wrecked and he's like, "i'm on my way." we live like 3 minutes away MAX and a half hour later he still hasnt arrived. so, i call him and he says again that he's on his way, so i keep waiting and he never comes yet again so every few minutes i keep calling, but a total of 3 more times, like WHAT THE FUCK, BITCH? so many bitches today... and he finally gets there an HOUR after i first called him crying. WHAT??? he gives me some lame shit that doesnt make anysense and YELLS AT ME a million times while im still crying and then yells at me to tell him whats wrong, like yeah, buddy that'll gain my trust you're such a fucker.
so, yeah that blew. but then i hung out with kenny! which was great and made me feel so much better and my numbness miraculously wore off just in time to get some RAYS pizza. ive missed that shit. THEN i hung out with PAT TOM AND JOE !!!!!!!! diner like old times what what. yes! i missed them all, esp joe because i havnt seen him in FOREVERRRR, the longest out of everyone. and hi guys! becuase you demonstrated that you actually read this thing, so hi!!!!!! and yesterday i saw j-mal which was nice and we watched Dawn of the Dead and i was really scared and creeped out by the mall ZOMBIES, i dont know why, but i was. and i liked it but i'm told i need to see Shaun of the Dead, because it's actually good and funny. Then, i drove to Harrison to see RYAN AND GINA, SUP! hey babies! which was great and we just chilled in their sweet apt with a sick view of interstate 280. i'm glad they're back in jrz even though i'm not. woo!
now, i'm going to go do what i do best. CLEAN. JK LOL ugh. i have to clean out my car so i can try to sell it. because I"M BROKE sup i hate this . i wish i had MONEY! who doesnt? well, i dont know. but i hate thinking about finances as much as i do. and i hate that my mom is a fucking bitch and wont cosign on a loan for me but will for my brother. i'm just so freaked out about how to make all the shit i have to afford happen. i really need to get a computer, but it looks increasingly like a pipedream and it's just really depressing.. speaking of depressing, i need to also find and afford a therapist and psychiatrist so i can get some meds because i should never stopped taking them. not that i'm crazy, but i kind of am. but really i just function so much better. also, i need to afford another semester at HCC but i'm so scared because im broke!!!! maybe i'll make something of myself one of these days. god, this journal is getting so depressing. UPSIDE! i might be going to a show tonight. and that's exciting because it means more of the people that i like to see! and also, i havnt gone to a show in sooooooo long, and it's weird because it used to be such a big part of my life... and i miss it. let's dance! ::sigh:: okay, so now im going to really get a move on this cleaning thing. BYE BABIES!