(no subject)
i really dont know what im feelings right now...completely lost i guess you could say. part of me thinks i have feelings for one person. but then i dont. and then i have feelings for another person. but then i change my mind and go back to the first person. but THEN i decide i like someone else. all of which i just shouldnt have feelings for for one reason or another. im to close with this person or a friend wants this person or this person wouldnt want me or i dont know the list just goes on. i think i know what i feel the most but yet i just dont want it. or maybe im afraid of it. maybe it feels unnatural. its complicated. and there is some else having similar thoughts to the ones im having which doesnt help matters or my indecisiveness. am i jealous? why should i be? i said it couldnt happen. so whats going on in my head? someone please tell me what i want! maybe i just dont want anything at all. maybe my mind is just playing tricks on me, like it often does. its just one of those moments where nothing seems right and everything seems upside down and inside out and the likelyhood of it all just sliding into place appears slim to none.
i also find myself confined by time. there just clearly arent enough hours in a day. so much to do and see and so many thoughts to think and not enough time to think them! i know, i sound completely and uterly ridiculous.
but i have my schedule. wake up. eat. bus. school. extra help. clubs. kickline. dance/other after school crap. home. hw. eat. hw. study. study. shower. study. hw. study. realize its almost midnight. go to sleep.
story of my life. but its only been to much and i crave something different. a change. me! a change?! yes believe it or not i feel like i need something new to get me out of this rut im in. and i dont even know why im in a rut. and i dont know y im having such mood swings! just an hour ago i was laughing like there was no tomorrow. and now i just feel like crying. and i know that even if i decided to cry loud enough, no one would hear me.
would some PLEASE just help me understand......
......me.
i also find myself confined by time. there just clearly arent enough hours in a day. so much to do and see and so many thoughts to think and not enough time to think them! i know, i sound completely and uterly ridiculous.
but i have my schedule. wake up. eat. bus. school. extra help. clubs. kickline. dance/other after school crap. home. hw. eat. hw. study. study. shower. study. hw. study. realize its almost midnight. go to sleep.
story of my life. but its only been to much and i crave something different. a change. me! a change?! yes believe it or not i feel like i need something new to get me out of this rut im in. and i dont even know why im in a rut. and i dont know y im having such mood swings! just an hour ago i was laughing like there was no tomorrow. and now i just feel like crying. and i know that even if i decided to cry loud enough, no one would hear me.
would some PLEASE just help me understand......
......me.