But If I Could Find a Motion to Stimulate Devotion, Well, Then You'd See
WHY do I freak out so bad about stuff? I try to calm my fears and blame the anxiety on my forgetting my Prozac yesterday, on too little sleep, on being behind in school. But when the ex girlfriend sends a comment that says "Happy Valentine's Day... I love you" it makes me want to curl up in a ball and die. I feel immediately as if I won't have that with him, ever, because I never get to have that. Guys who think they want me don't really want me. They never really do. They really just want me to be the interim girl as usual. I know this is stupid for me to be weird about. He has given no indication that he doesn't want to be with me, or that he doesn't want to be with anyone, or that he wants to be with her. He's been fine. He's told people that he wants to stay in Colorado because of me. He jokes about getting married. Maybe it's the added pressure of valentine's day. Maybe it's my self-defense kicking in because, well, it's never had a reason NOT to kick in before. But I don't want to feel like this. Not with him, not with anyone. Ever, ever again.