(no subject)
i dont remember why i was hating life in that last entry lol. must not have been all that bad. lately i've been thinking a lot, and i've come to the conclusion that i dont have a backbone. i give in to people too easily and i think i have changed for the worst when it comes to this. i think i try to keep people happy at the expense of my own happiness which is alright to a point, but i think its gotten out of hand. i need to start thinking and doing things for myself and not for other people as much. that didn't come out how i wanted it really but maybe you guys will get the jist without thinking i'm a selfish jerk.
school is starting soon and i'm scared to death. ap physics and ap calculus, as well as honors chemistry, honors english, and spanish 5. i think i might kill myself before the end of the year. i think i was counting on nick being here to help me through everything too much, because now he's leaving for idaho in september and i'm scared shitless. moreso than i was before. i thought he'd be here for moral support and hugs and all that crap whenever i needed him but hey, nothing ever really goes the way i think it should. i should stop planning my life so far in advance. it always ends up with disappointment.
i have to start looking at colleges and stuff too. i pretty much have my heart set on drexel, but as i said before, things usually dont go the way i want them too. rutgers isn't so bad, i just want to be in a city so so sosososososoosooo much and drexel's co-op program is amaaazazazazing. i just want it to get here. college that is. i'm over highschool for the most part. i'm ready for new people and a new place. kind of.
i used to be so optimistic with things.
i dont really know what happened.
school is starting soon and i'm scared to death. ap physics and ap calculus, as well as honors chemistry, honors english, and spanish 5. i think i might kill myself before the end of the year. i think i was counting on nick being here to help me through everything too much, because now he's leaving for idaho in september and i'm scared shitless. moreso than i was before. i thought he'd be here for moral support and hugs and all that crap whenever i needed him but hey, nothing ever really goes the way i think it should. i should stop planning my life so far in advance. it always ends up with disappointment.
i have to start looking at colleges and stuff too. i pretty much have my heart set on drexel, but as i said before, things usually dont go the way i want them too. rutgers isn't so bad, i just want to be in a city so so sosososososoosooo much and drexel's co-op program is amaaazazazazing. i just want it to get here. college that is. i'm over highschool for the most part. i'm ready for new people and a new place. kind of.
i used to be so optimistic with things.
i dont really know what happened.