Kind of shitty.
So it's been like 6 or 7 months since I last posted. A lot has gone on since then...
I moved to Pittsburgh for the month of June, and ended up moving back home to Jamestown because my mom came and took my car, so I had no way to get to and from work and whatnot. I miss it already, even though I've been home since July. I met so many amazing people that I will never in my life forget. They've helped me out a lot and I can't lose touch with them.
After I moved home.. My friend Tom passed away in August from overdose among other things. That was a really rough month. RIP hun, we know you're up there smoking away with Marley, happy as can be. =D
And since then, I've been doing nothing [unfortunately] but partying and getting into trouble. But what else is new? Christina and I got arrested on October 23 for throwing eggs at cars. It was ridiculous. I'm still on probation in Warren, so apparently I have a warrent out for my arrest in Warren County. Fucked up, I know. I owe like $900 still on that fine.. Along with whatever I owe here. Ridiculous. I haven't figured out what I'm going to do yet, except the probability of going to jail for 6 months. How shitty would that be?
I have partial custody of Laynee, as of like September or October I think. I get to see her like twice a week and every other weekend. It's not enough, but it's all I can get right now. My ex is a total asshole, as usual, but what can you do? I'm dealing with it, and I guess that's all I really can do for now.
Right now, I'm just having a really hard time dealing with living back at my parents. There are so many stupid restrictions on everything... I'm twenty now and there shouldn't be this many rules to living at home. My dad complains that I smoke too much - which doesn't make sense, because he smokes like 3 packs a day and sits on the couch all day. Not too logical, I guess. And this retarded curfew when I have the car out [understandably, I guess, it's their car]. But still. I've been on my own for almost 3 years now, and moving back home is so retardedly difficult for me. I can't deal with it.
Not to mention, my sister is coming home from Iraq for a month [she was there for a year], and apparently, according to my mom [she won't admit it], I'm second best. Everytime my sister comes home, whether it be for break, or for good, I have her old room, and whether it's for 2 weeks or a month, I have to give up everything that I have set up and give her back her old room. When her son, my nephew, has my old room.. It's not like I'm asking him to give me back my room and move into the basement, come on now. I'm just getting sick of being told that I'm a fuck-up and that I'm not going anywhere in life, and that I'm second to everything compared to my sister. God forbid I got pregnant when I was 17, my mom did, too. At least I graduated with my class from high school.
I guess right now, I'm just looking for a decent job, so I can pay everything off, get off probation, and move out as soon as possible. I have a couple possibilities, but nothing promising. I might have to suck it up and ask my other sister if I can move in with her for a while until I get on my feet. I can always babysit her kids for her while she does whatever. I just have to figure my life out, I guess.
I have a boyfriend now, an amazing one. His name is Jake, and he's ... my heart. My best friend. My everything. My world doesn't revolve around him, but I take into consideration everything he tells me. I really value his opinion on my decisions, but he doesn't make them for me. It feels amazing to have someone in my life that I can turn to and tell anything without feeling like I'm going to be criticized or put down for. I'm not sure if I love him yet, but that'll come with time.
This year also came with some new and old friends. I re-connected with Daniele, my other heart, my best friend, my other half. She's everything, and I definitely value everything she has to say. I love her with everything I have and would definitely do anything for her. I'm glad she's back in my life, I don't know what I would do without her. I don't know how I went 2 1/2 years without her.
And Miss Christina. By God has she come into my life very... abruptly. But nothing bad. I love her to death, she's my partner in crime, my incarceration buddy, my best friend. =) Who else would I rather play I Spy in jail with? Definitely my evil other half. ;) I love her though. I don't know what I would do without her either.
I guess that's all for now. I'm just in the process of figuring my life out, and what needs to get done, and what my priorities are. I need to get everything straightened out. I also need to get it out of my head that I'm not with John anymore. I have my life now, and it's not his anymore. For almost 3 years, he controlled everything I did, everything I said, everything I wore, who I hung out with. Everything in my life was dominated by him, and it's finally over. I'm finally getting myself back and learning who I am. And believe me, it feels amazing to be me. :)
I moved to Pittsburgh for the month of June, and ended up moving back home to Jamestown because my mom came and took my car, so I had no way to get to and from work and whatnot. I miss it already, even though I've been home since July. I met so many amazing people that I will never in my life forget. They've helped me out a lot and I can't lose touch with them.
After I moved home.. My friend Tom passed away in August from overdose among other things. That was a really rough month. RIP hun, we know you're up there smoking away with Marley, happy as can be. =D
And since then, I've been doing nothing [unfortunately] but partying and getting into trouble. But what else is new? Christina and I got arrested on October 23 for throwing eggs at cars. It was ridiculous. I'm still on probation in Warren, so apparently I have a warrent out for my arrest in Warren County. Fucked up, I know. I owe like $900 still on that fine.. Along with whatever I owe here. Ridiculous. I haven't figured out what I'm going to do yet, except the probability of going to jail for 6 months. How shitty would that be?
I have partial custody of Laynee, as of like September or October I think. I get to see her like twice a week and every other weekend. It's not enough, but it's all I can get right now. My ex is a total asshole, as usual, but what can you do? I'm dealing with it, and I guess that's all I really can do for now.
Right now, I'm just having a really hard time dealing with living back at my parents. There are so many stupid restrictions on everything... I'm twenty now and there shouldn't be this many rules to living at home. My dad complains that I smoke too much - which doesn't make sense, because he smokes like 3 packs a day and sits on the couch all day. Not too logical, I guess. And this retarded curfew when I have the car out [understandably, I guess, it's their car]. But still. I've been on my own for almost 3 years now, and moving back home is so retardedly difficult for me. I can't deal with it.
Not to mention, my sister is coming home from Iraq for a month [she was there for a year], and apparently, according to my mom [she won't admit it], I'm second best. Everytime my sister comes home, whether it be for break, or for good, I have her old room, and whether it's for 2 weeks or a month, I have to give up everything that I have set up and give her back her old room. When her son, my nephew, has my old room.. It's not like I'm asking him to give me back my room and move into the basement, come on now. I'm just getting sick of being told that I'm a fuck-up and that I'm not going anywhere in life, and that I'm second to everything compared to my sister. God forbid I got pregnant when I was 17, my mom did, too. At least I graduated with my class from high school.
I guess right now, I'm just looking for a decent job, so I can pay everything off, get off probation, and move out as soon as possible. I have a couple possibilities, but nothing promising. I might have to suck it up and ask my other sister if I can move in with her for a while until I get on my feet. I can always babysit her kids for her while she does whatever. I just have to figure my life out, I guess.
I have a boyfriend now, an amazing one. His name is Jake, and he's ... my heart. My best friend. My everything. My world doesn't revolve around him, but I take into consideration everything he tells me. I really value his opinion on my decisions, but he doesn't make them for me. It feels amazing to have someone in my life that I can turn to and tell anything without feeling like I'm going to be criticized or put down for. I'm not sure if I love him yet, but that'll come with time.
This year also came with some new and old friends. I re-connected with Daniele, my other heart, my best friend, my other half. She's everything, and I definitely value everything she has to say. I love her with everything I have and would definitely do anything for her. I'm glad she's back in my life, I don't know what I would do without her. I don't know how I went 2 1/2 years without her.
And Miss Christina. By God has she come into my life very... abruptly. But nothing bad. I love her to death, she's my partner in crime, my incarceration buddy, my best friend. =) Who else would I rather play I Spy in jail with? Definitely my evil other half. ;) I love her though. I don't know what I would do without her either.
I guess that's all for now. I'm just in the process of figuring my life out, and what needs to get done, and what my priorities are. I need to get everything straightened out. I also need to get it out of my head that I'm not with John anymore. I have my life now, and it's not his anymore. For almost 3 years, he controlled everything I did, everything I said, everything I wore, who I hung out with. Everything in my life was dominated by him, and it's finally over. I'm finally getting myself back and learning who I am. And believe me, it feels amazing to be me. :)