Bullets Dodged
If your ex sends you a message that says “Merry Christmas and Happy New Year”, even if you take offense at this message, you have several reasonable outlets for recourse. You could ignore the message. You could exclaim in an insulted manner amongst your friends about how your ex wished you a Merry Christmas even though you hate that bitch and Christmas, too. If you were feeling really generous, you could say “Merry Christmas” back. Maybe you could even realize that your ex likely sent many people holiday wishes and perhaps didn’t even realize that you ended up included (thanks, auto-complete).
Notice that on the reasonable options list, which admittedly is not exhaustive, I did not include this one: Call your ex and leave a rambling and nonsensical voice mail along the lines of, “I AM SITTING HERE WITH MY GIRLFRIEND AND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND AND I HAVE MOVED ON WITH MY LIFE AND THIS IS REALLY AWKWARD SO YOU HAVE TO STOP CALLING ME SO DON’T TRY TO CALL ME ANYMORE.”
Umm, okay. Nobody called you, sweetheart. Since you sent me divorce papers (and on my birthday, no less) last year, I haven’t even tried to call you. And perhaps, if it were truly awkward for you to call and leave a weird message on my voice mail with your new girlfriend sitting there, you could have not called with your new girlfriend sitting there. Or, and this is really revolutionary, you could have refrained from calling me at all.
I was pretty flummoxed by the inappropriate response, and all I can think of is that he was trying to show off for his new girlfriend, who is apparently impressed by idiocy.
As this story percolated in my mind and continued to irritate me (is anything more annoying than getting scolded for something you did not do?), another, long-forgotten story floated back to the surface of my consciousness. When the ex and I were first dating, he performed a weird little theater in front of me that at the time, I didn’t understand. Claiming that one of his ex-girlfriends kept calling him, he made a big show of calling her in front of me and giving her voice mail a speech similar to the one he just left for me. At the time, I found it strange because I’d never heard her call him, or heard him talk about her calling him, but all of a sudden it was such a big deal that he had to call her right then and there and make his little speech. I wondered why he didn’t simply ignore her, and I wondered why he made such a show of making the call in front of me. I realize now it was just that - a show. “Look at me, baby, I am such hot shit that all the girls want me and once they have me, they just can’t let me go. But see how much I love you, I will tell all the other girls that they can’t have me because I only love you.”
It bothers me to think that someone I was once married to is a liar and a fake (and that it took me so long to figure it out), but it does help me understand what went wrong in our relationship. My view is clearer now that I am seeing things in a more realistic way, not filtered through the lens of my previous but obviously faulty assumption that my ex was a normal, civil human being.
In the end, I guess I didn't completely dodge this bullet, but at least the wound wasn't fatal.
Notice that on the reasonable options list, which admittedly is not exhaustive, I did not include this one: Call your ex and leave a rambling and nonsensical voice mail along the lines of, “I AM SITTING HERE WITH MY GIRLFRIEND AND I LOVE MY GIRLFRIEND AND I HAVE MOVED ON WITH MY LIFE AND THIS IS REALLY AWKWARD SO YOU HAVE TO STOP CALLING ME SO DON’T TRY TO CALL ME ANYMORE.”
Umm, okay. Nobody called you, sweetheart. Since you sent me divorce papers (and on my birthday, no less) last year, I haven’t even tried to call you. And perhaps, if it were truly awkward for you to call and leave a weird message on my voice mail with your new girlfriend sitting there, you could have not called with your new girlfriend sitting there. Or, and this is really revolutionary, you could have refrained from calling me at all.
I was pretty flummoxed by the inappropriate response, and all I can think of is that he was trying to show off for his new girlfriend, who is apparently impressed by idiocy.
As this story percolated in my mind and continued to irritate me (is anything more annoying than getting scolded for something you did not do?), another, long-forgotten story floated back to the surface of my consciousness. When the ex and I were first dating, he performed a weird little theater in front of me that at the time, I didn’t understand. Claiming that one of his ex-girlfriends kept calling him, he made a big show of calling her in front of me and giving her voice mail a speech similar to the one he just left for me. At the time, I found it strange because I’d never heard her call him, or heard him talk about her calling him, but all of a sudden it was such a big deal that he had to call her right then and there and make his little speech. I wondered why he didn’t simply ignore her, and I wondered why he made such a show of making the call in front of me. I realize now it was just that - a show. “Look at me, baby, I am such hot shit that all the girls want me and once they have me, they just can’t let me go. But see how much I love you, I will tell all the other girls that they can’t have me because I only love you.”
It bothers me to think that someone I was once married to is a liar and a fake (and that it took me so long to figure it out), but it does help me understand what went wrong in our relationship. My view is clearer now that I am seeing things in a more realistic way, not filtered through the lens of my previous but obviously faulty assumption that my ex was a normal, civil human being.
In the end, I guess I didn't completely dodge this bullet, but at least the wound wasn't fatal.