(no subject)
MotherOfLight72 (12:02:01 AM): he's so close, yet so far away
MotherOfLight72 (12:02:05 AM): I hate it
[screenname withheld] (12:02:18 AM): aw... =/
MotherOfLight72 (12:12:25 AM): i get so depressed about it at night
MotherOfLight72 (12:12:38 AM): like right now I'm reading some old messages, and I probably shouldn't be
MotherOfLight72 (12:13:28 AM): I want to see him when I go home, but the only reason I'd really hang out with him is to try and win him back
MotherOfLight72 (12:13:43 AM): I couldn't hang out as "just friends" with him
MotherOfLight72 (12:14:36 AM): you grow so accustomed to being able to touch someone or hold someone's hand or kiss them, that the thought of not being able to do so makes you want to vomit
MotherOfLight72 (12:14:45 AM): yeah... that's my rant
[screenname withheld] (12:14:52 AM): i get that. D:
[screenname withheld] (12:15:16 AM): the other day i went through my myspace and facebook and deleted lots of comments from my ex and his new girlfriend so i wouldn't run into any pictures of them...
[screenname withheld] (12:15:29 AM): it took forEVER. but i'm done torturing myself.
MotherOfLight72 (12:15:51 AM): yeah. I hate looking at shit like that
see me in shadow (12:16:00 AM): *nod*
MotherOfLight72 (12:16:34 AM): there's alot of ex crushes or whatever, that I keep emails and comments from, simply because those helped me grow in a way
MotherOfLight72 (12:16:41 AM): and from my ex gf cause we broke up mutually
MotherOfLight72 (12:18:22 AM): with him, I care about him more than anything I can think of, and anybody I've ever been with
MotherOfLight72 (12:18:38 AM): I guess because I was not only allowed to be mentally close to him, but physically too... most of my relationships were long distance, but he was just so close to me
MotherOfLight72 (12:19:56 AM): and the worst part is knowing the truth about it. he told me it wasn't me, but it IS me. because just a few months before me he was smitten with another girl, and showed he WAS capable of caring
MotherOfLight72 (12:21:01 AM): he even showed me he was capable, cause I could see it in his eyes. he's just so afraid to show it, because of something I did wrong. I know it
[screenname withheld] (12:21:30 AM): something you did wrong...? D:
MotherOfLight72 (12:22:16 AM): I don't know what it is I did wrong though
MotherOfLight72 (12:22:19 AM): that's the problem
MotherOfLight72 (12:22:28 AM): I think I was just... too much for him to handle
MotherOfLight72 (12:23:42 AM): I don't have limits, or boundaries, I say and do stuff completely without thinking, I'm kind of slow, loud, just... high paced, all the time
MotherOfLight72 (12:23:51 AM): the complete opposite of him
MotherOfLight72 (12:24:04 AM): I thought we had each other balanced out, but I guess not.
[screenname withheld] (12:24:32 AM): things could change. ): maybe he'll realize that last thought...
MotherOfLight72 (12:25:45 AM): he said "in the future, things could be different."
MotherOfLight72 (12:26:54 AM): I just need him in my life, because I care about him and if I don't have someone to care about, I get really empty and lonely
[screenname withheld] (12:27:03 AM): that's a code for "bbl", i hope...
MotherOfLight72 (12:27:16 AM): yeah, I hope so too
MotherOfLight72 (12:27:25 AM): and I know he just turned 15
MotherOfLight72 (12:27:48 AM): hell, I'm almost 17 and I can't even describe how much I've changed since I was 15
MotherOfLight72 (12:28:11 AM): but he's a damaged person, and sometimes those are the people that never change.
[screenname withheld] (12:29:18 AM): he is young. maybe he just needs to find himself before he invests his heart to much in someone else.
MotherOfLight72 (12:29:45 AM): yeah
MotherOfLight72 (12:30:08 AM): he told me not to wait for him, though, he told me to date other people because he "doesn't deserve me"
[screenname withheld] (12:30:23 AM): he thinks he doesn't deserve you? why..?
MotherOfLight72 (12:32:43 AM): he says he's a bad person or something
MotherOfLight72 (12:32:53 AM): he can't give me what I deserve
MotherOfLight72 (12:33:05 AM): which is completely untrue considering how happy I was with him.
[screenname withheld] (12:33:37 AM): oh man...
[screenname withheld] (12:33:44 AM): i really, really hope this works out for you. you don't deserve that. =/
MotherOfLight72 (12:34:11 AM): thanks.
MotherOfLight72 (12:02:05 AM): I hate it
[screenname withheld] (12:02:18 AM): aw... =/
MotherOfLight72 (12:12:25 AM): i get so depressed about it at night
MotherOfLight72 (12:12:38 AM): like right now I'm reading some old messages, and I probably shouldn't be
MotherOfLight72 (12:13:28 AM): I want to see him when I go home, but the only reason I'd really hang out with him is to try and win him back
MotherOfLight72 (12:13:43 AM): I couldn't hang out as "just friends" with him
MotherOfLight72 (12:14:36 AM): you grow so accustomed to being able to touch someone or hold someone's hand or kiss them, that the thought of not being able to do so makes you want to vomit
MotherOfLight72 (12:14:45 AM): yeah... that's my rant
[screenname withheld] (12:14:52 AM): i get that. D:
[screenname withheld] (12:15:16 AM): the other day i went through my myspace and facebook and deleted lots of comments from my ex and his new girlfriend so i wouldn't run into any pictures of them...
[screenname withheld] (12:15:29 AM): it took forEVER. but i'm done torturing myself.
MotherOfLight72 (12:15:51 AM): yeah. I hate looking at shit like that
see me in shadow (12:16:00 AM): *nod*
MotherOfLight72 (12:16:34 AM): there's alot of ex crushes or whatever, that I keep emails and comments from, simply because those helped me grow in a way
MotherOfLight72 (12:16:41 AM): and from my ex gf cause we broke up mutually
MotherOfLight72 (12:18:22 AM): with him, I care about him more than anything I can think of, and anybody I've ever been with
MotherOfLight72 (12:18:38 AM): I guess because I was not only allowed to be mentally close to him, but physically too... most of my relationships were long distance, but he was just so close to me
MotherOfLight72 (12:19:56 AM): and the worst part is knowing the truth about it. he told me it wasn't me, but it IS me. because just a few months before me he was smitten with another girl, and showed he WAS capable of caring
MotherOfLight72 (12:21:01 AM): he even showed me he was capable, cause I could see it in his eyes. he's just so afraid to show it, because of something I did wrong. I know it
[screenname withheld] (12:21:30 AM): something you did wrong...? D:
MotherOfLight72 (12:22:16 AM): I don't know what it is I did wrong though
MotherOfLight72 (12:22:19 AM): that's the problem
MotherOfLight72 (12:22:28 AM): I think I was just... too much for him to handle
MotherOfLight72 (12:23:42 AM): I don't have limits, or boundaries, I say and do stuff completely without thinking, I'm kind of slow, loud, just... high paced, all the time
MotherOfLight72 (12:23:51 AM): the complete opposite of him
MotherOfLight72 (12:24:04 AM): I thought we had each other balanced out, but I guess not.
[screenname withheld] (12:24:32 AM): things could change. ): maybe he'll realize that last thought...
MotherOfLight72 (12:25:45 AM): he said "in the future, things could be different."
MotherOfLight72 (12:26:54 AM): I just need him in my life, because I care about him and if I don't have someone to care about, I get really empty and lonely
[screenname withheld] (12:27:03 AM): that's a code for "bbl", i hope...
MotherOfLight72 (12:27:16 AM): yeah, I hope so too
MotherOfLight72 (12:27:25 AM): and I know he just turned 15
MotherOfLight72 (12:27:48 AM): hell, I'm almost 17 and I can't even describe how much I've changed since I was 15
MotherOfLight72 (12:28:11 AM): but he's a damaged person, and sometimes those are the people that never change.
[screenname withheld] (12:29:18 AM): he is young. maybe he just needs to find himself before he invests his heart to much in someone else.
MotherOfLight72 (12:29:45 AM): yeah
MotherOfLight72 (12:30:08 AM): he told me not to wait for him, though, he told me to date other people because he "doesn't deserve me"
[screenname withheld] (12:30:23 AM): he thinks he doesn't deserve you? why..?
MotherOfLight72 (12:32:43 AM): he says he's a bad person or something
MotherOfLight72 (12:32:53 AM): he can't give me what I deserve
MotherOfLight72 (12:33:05 AM): which is completely untrue considering how happy I was with him.
[screenname withheld] (12:33:37 AM): oh man...
[screenname withheld] (12:33:44 AM): i really, really hope this works out for you. you don't deserve that. =/
MotherOfLight72 (12:34:11 AM): thanks.