May 13, 2006 04:28
Do you ever feel like you've got a TON of shit to say, but don't know what it is? It's right there on the tip of my tounge and it's really profound, but i just don't know what it is. And it's maddening. It's like i'm searching for the right words and they just aren't coming to me.
so, shea and i were at Starbucks tonight, and who else shows up but lisa and talia, and let me tell you what....i had an absolute blast! it was so much fun, and it wasn't the usual catching up and how have you been kinda conversation, but it was more like we had been talking just earlier that day and were just picking up where we left off. it was kinda surreal, but really cool.
the past several times i've listened to my japanese music i've felt this strong, very sad pain in my heart and stomach, so much that it makes me want to cry. for the longest time i couldn't figure out what it was. at first i thought it was regret for dropping out of school and leaving asian studies behind, but that's not it. as hard as it was to leave school, i know it was the right thing to do. sometimes the right thing isn't always the easy thing. but i think i have finally discovered why i feel this way sometimes: i'm homesick. i'm homesick for a home that i've never been to.there are times when i feel like this place isn't my home, and i think it's because my true home is japan. it's almost as if i hear her calling to me. like Inari herself is saying "come home, my child, come home" and it makes me want to weep. i don't know if i'll be able to make it home in this lifetime, but i pray that i get the chance to go home, home to the land of the rising sun, home to my japan.
i don't own emotion, i rent
how do you leave the past behind
when it keeps finding ways to get to your heart
it reaches way down deep
and tears you inside out til your torn apart
and though i'd never show it
i'd be so happy i could melt
if you're not the wicked one, then that means it's me
and no one mourns the wicked