S.1, Ep. 6: Sweet Dee's Mailbag #2 [ Public // Voice ]
This one guy on the network pissed me off by taking my shtick, so I'm here to outdo him. Feel free to tell me that I was here first and my responses are way better and sound more like they came from someone famous.
I skimmed over the first parts of a few of these letters to make sure there aren't any mishaps with my obnoxious family.
Dearest Dee,
I think you're really pretty and your acting is super great. Please read my
letter over the network because I want to be famously linked to you in at least
one way.
Your biggest fan,
Dr. Dave.
Well gosh and gollypops, isn't that sweet. How about you get a life, you creepoid stalker guy? Your shitty li--holy shit hold on. Doctor? The medical kind or the musical kind? Both are good if you're not pro-bono or really unpopular. Maybe we could meet sometime. Sometime, when my ship lands, I'll let you come on board and have some of this great alcohol. We can talk and, wait, what's this?
You left a P.S.! Maybe this will give us some insight into your identity, Dr. Dave. [horribly fake giggling] It says, "P.S. I met your brother and we went through some of your high school pictures. I thought the nickname Alumi--"
I should move on.
The next one is from someone simply signed "Needing a Victoria Update."
Hey, Sweet Dee! Have you figured out what happened to the first mate or
what? We've been waiting for your stupid ne--
Well, this one was obviously sent to the wrong place. Goddammit, how did I miss that?
Oh, and finally, this one is from the guy who sends me letters every week. The last one was kind of creepy, and I totally told him off. Let's see if he learned his lesson.
Dear Deandra Reynolds,
You said you were going to help me with that charity last week. The one for the
starving orphans, you know? Well, someone told me they saw you there, but then
you took off and someone stole our money box, so I had no way of catching up with
you. I'm not sure what happened, but I hope you're okay.
Sincerely,
Father Mara
Oh my GOD. Some people just can't take a hint! It's like, get over me! Goddamn.
I skimmed over the first parts of a few of these letters to make sure there aren't any mishaps with my obnoxious family.
Dearest Dee,
I think you're really pretty and your acting is super great. Please read my
letter over the network because I want to be famously linked to you in at least
one way.
Your biggest fan,
Dr. Dave.
Well gosh and gollypops, isn't that sweet. How about you get a life, you creepoid stalker guy? Your shitty li--holy shit hold on. Doctor? The medical kind or the musical kind? Both are good if you're not pro-bono or really unpopular. Maybe we could meet sometime. Sometime, when my ship lands, I'll let you come on board and have some of this great alcohol. We can talk and, wait, what's this?
You left a P.S.! Maybe this will give us some insight into your identity, Dr. Dave. [horribly fake giggling] It says, "P.S. I met your brother and we went through some of your high school pictures. I thought the nickname Alumi--"
I should move on.
The next one is from someone simply signed "Needing a Victoria Update."
Hey, Sweet Dee! Have you figured out what happened to the first mate or
what? We've been waiting for your stupid ne--
Well, this one was obviously sent to the wrong place. Goddammit, how did I miss that?
Oh, and finally, this one is from the guy who sends me letters every week. The last one was kind of creepy, and I totally told him off. Let's see if he learned his lesson.
Dear Deandra Reynolds,
You said you were going to help me with that charity last week. The one for the
starving orphans, you know? Well, someone told me they saw you there, but then
you took off and someone stole our money box, so I had no way of catching up with
you. I'm not sure what happened, but I hope you're okay.
Sincerely,
Father Mara
Oh my GOD. Some people just can't take a hint! It's like, get over me! Goddamn.