Beating my head against the wall
Must be that time of the month for me again. No, there's no PMS joke here at all. It's just that I seem to go in cycles. Again I'm feeling more confused than I thought possible. Why? Life, I guess. At least that's what always seems to get me. Yeah, I got problems. Who doesn't? It just seems to me that I do anything in my power to avoid dealing with them. Not that I can't handle them, I suprise myself consistently when I do things that I expect to be difficult. It's just that there is always something to replace the current problem I'm facing after it's been dealt with. So, in some strange way I tell myself that if I just keep the problems I have now, nothing new is going to come. And at least I know what I'm dealing with now, i.e. no new suprises. For some reason, not knowing has such a profound petrifying effect on me. And I know that that's not good. If I stay in the same place, there's no progression in life, no way I can ever better myself. Eh, fuck it all. I guess I'm just going to have to figure out how to become the person I want to be.