FIC: the wicked games we play.
Pairing: Harry/Louis (est.), mild Harry/Zayn bonding, mentions of Liam/Louis.
Rating: PG-13 for mild swearing.
Warning: Angst and excessive use of closed brackets.
Word Count: ~2000
Summary: Because sure it’s painful to hurt the one you love, but every single time they forgave each other and every single time it was reassuring to know that they loved each other enough to look past all that.
It wasn't always like this. They were once happy, just like any other couple. But lately, it feels like they were only functioning on a game. A game to see who can hurt who more. To see how far the other's willing to forgive before it all turns to pure hate.
The thing is, this wasn't a game they intended to happen. They didn't sit down one day to have a chat and decide that they should just start playing. No, this was a game of the worst kind. It was the kind with no set of ground rules. It was the kind they both wouldn't admit to. It was the kind they refuse to back out of.
It started out pretty tamely. Neither of them probably noticed what they were doing at first. But they both knew it all began when the management started to seriously warn them on the consequences of their public display of affection
Harry understood, he really did. He understood that being in a boy band meant that he had to make every girl in the world fall in love with him. He understood that good music alone was never going to be enough to help them reach the status of fame they currently hold already. He needed to play the part as well. And if that meant that Louis and him couldn’t be together in public, then so be it.
Harry played by the rules at first. He was even fine when they gave Louis Eleanor to parade around with. Bu fuc it sucks having to put up a façade every single second of the day. He loathed the fact that they couldn’t just be themselves with each other when there were people around. Pained him to have to keep still in interviews and not have any sort of physical contact with Louis even though every inch of him felt like they were being pulled towards Louis. It felt like fighting nature.
So Zayn became a distraction. Partly because Harry is good friends with him too and the fact that he has the looks of an aftershave commercial model doesn’t hurt (Harry’s always had an appreciation for beauty) but mainly because Zayn understands - he doesn’t question anything.
Whenever Harry feels an itch, whenever he desires human contact in the middle of an interview, he would maybe place a hand on Zayn’s or turn to look at him - because he wasn’t Louis, and with him Harry was allowed to.
Interviews and concerts weren’t as terrible then. Zayn was actually handy at times. But then Louis decides he should have his own distraction too. That’s where Liam comes in. They dance together in concerts and they gush on about their girlfriends together to the media. And before Harry knew it, he turns to rely on Zayn again (Harry’s never really liked losing in anything).
And this is why Zayn is a great ally. He doesn’t act surprised or look curious for too long when Harry suddenly becomes even touchier than he usually is with him. He steals a glance at Louis and Liam and Harry thinks he’s got it figured out by himself. Probably feels the same way Harry does. Probably wants the same thing.
One night on tour, while Louis and Liam were out with their girlfriends so the world could see just what brilliant boyfriends they are (Harry hates how Louis and Eleanor actually became friends), Niall goes out to grab dinner with the band because the room lsquo;feels too much like a fucking REM song where everybody fucking hurts’.
“Do you ever, like sometimes, wonder if we fell in love with the wrong people?”
Harry stops humming the words ‘sometimes everybody cries&rsquo in his head and removes his head from Zayn’s lap to turn to look at him. ”What do you mean?” Harry loves Zayn’s random thoughtful musings so he was genuinely curious to find out.
“Like if we had fallen in love with each other instead,” Zayn starts, then turns to look at the door. “Well, it would’ve been much easier wouldn’t it? You get what I’m saying?”
That’s when Harry finally thinks Oh so you do love Liam Although he doesn’t say it out loud because he thinks he really should have noticed it much sooner and him not realizing it before tonight made him a pretty crappy friend.
Zayn doesn’t say anything after that, possibly to give Harry time to think about his words through and through. But at that exact moment Louis and Liam and Eleanor and Danielle all walk into the room looking happy and all that shit couples fucking are - and Harry lands his gaze on the sight of them instead.
Louis catches his eyes and walks straight towards him (he feels a part of him starting to lighten up already) and Eleanor follows even though she isn’t invited (he doesn’t want to strangle her, no). They sit next to him and start talking to him how terrible the restaurant they went to was, and he tries really hard to look like he’s listening.
Liam kisses Danielle and Zayn flinches involuntarily next to him. That’s when Harry says, “Yea, you’re probably right.” He puts an arm around Zayn’s shoulder to show his support - and it feels like Louis’ eyes are burning through his skull.
It always feels strange to him though. They never really talk about it in private. Not really. When they’re together they talk about everything but their life at the moment. They talk about long days of summer and how nice it’d be to go back to Australia and feel the sun on their skin. They talk about how they miss the people back home. But they don’t mention a single word of Eleanor or even Zayn and Liam - not unless Niall was mentioned too.
And it never really bothers Harry when they’re together because in these moments Louis was all he could see and hear and feel - and nothing else mattered. But it’s the times where Harry literally has to stop himself from thinking about everything too much that it matters. It matters a goddamn lot.
But then the morning comes and they’re back to their original rhythm. In one concert Harry sees Liam whispering (too closely) in Louis’ ears, and he starts to feel this itch again. He grabs Zayn’s sleeve and they run backstage together. The fans grew wild (Harry hears som “OMG Zarry!”) and there was next to no chance that Louis would’ve missed that. Zayn stays quiet as Harry grabs some air, lately they feel like they’ve been slipping away from him, then rests a hand on Harry’s shoulder and tells him, “Come one mate, we’ve got to get out there again.”
Louis ignores him for the rest of the concert.
That night Louis finally mentions their game. But he didn’t say it for what it really was. No, they weren’t ready to say it out loud just yet. Instead Louis says, “He doesn’t like it any more than we do y’know? It hurts him too.”
Harry stops playing with the stubble on Louis’ face. “Who? Liam?” he asks. Louis nods. Harry wasn’t a hundred percent sure of what they were talking about, if they were on the same page or even the same book, but Louis’ mind travels in the same wavelength with him most of the time - so he took his chances. He thinks about the time Zayn flinches beside him and shrugs lightly. “Sometimes I think he deserves it,” he says, very quietly as if it were a secret (wants to say ‘sometimes I thin yo deserve it&rsquo instead).
“I know you do,” Louis says just as quietly and, after a moment of silence, laughs at the television set. Harry is more than willing to play along even though a part of him really hopes that Louis had gotten the message.
And since Louis had made it his mission to concentrate on the television, Harry’s mind floats to Louis’ words and he wonders if there really isn’t any part of him that doesn’t enjoy the game. Because sure it’s painful to hurt the one you love - heck every time he noticed Louis grow silent with those angry, stony eyes, he wondered if he had gone too far this time (and the thought terrified him), and every time Louis looks away to hide his face from him, he felt like crying and screaming at him - but every single time they forgave each other and every single time it was reassuring to know that they loved each other enough to look past all that.
So they up the ante.
It is not until their latest interview, where Liam had sat next to Louis and Louis had rested the palm of his hand on Liam’s leg, that he finally feels he had gone too far. It was Zayn who initiated contact with him by complimenting his dimples and he responds with a compliment just as affectionate. Louis’ hand tightened its grasp on Liam’s leg and noticing that made something in Harry itch even more.
When the interview reaches a point where Harry and Zayn are linking their arms around each other’s, the interviewer asks: “So it seems to me that the budding romance in this group has shifted from Harry and Louis to Harry and Zayn. Am I right?”
Harry’s eyes immediately turn to Louis but Louis laughs manically over this one and pretends to wipe his forehead. “Eleanor’s sure going to be glad to hear that one!” he says, as if it was the best joke in the world and this time, for the first time ever, Harry feels like strangling him.
It was also the first time ever that Harry feared they weren’t travelling on the same wavelength anymore, so that night he says it to make sure. He finally says it again after what feels like decades of assuming they didn’t need to hear it to know.
“Louis,” he starts and props himself up on his elbow so that the older of the two had nowhere else to look but him. “Louis, I love you. Just you. I love you and only you,” he says it in the most sincere way he could and with a sense of such urgency that he can only hope Louis gets.
Louis looks surprised and then turns to look concerned. “Yeah, and I love you. Harry, is something the matter?”
“But you know that right? Everyday? Everyday, you know that right?”
Louis props himself up on his elbows too now and rests one hand on Harry’s arm. “Of course I do,” he says, still looking concerned. “Just as I hope you know that I love you too. Everyday and no matter what,” Louis says, his voice going soft because Harry is looking like he’s about to break.
At the sound of this, Harry’s chest feels so heavy and so full of emotions that he grabs Louis’ face and kisses the older boy to stop himself from crying. And as he feels the trail of Louis’ fingers on his neck and shoulder, he starts to lose his place in this world. And when he Louis kisses his forehead as they break the kiss, he cradles himself in Louis’ arms and finds himself falling asleep hoping that tomorrow he’d still remember
The itches still come but the game doesn’t feel like much of a game anymore. And Harry thinks it’s because he isn’t curious anymore. He doesn’t need to hurt Louis anymore just to assure himself that no matter how far he went Louis would forgive him. Louis would still love him. He knew that already
Rating: PG-13 for mild swearing.
Warning: Angst and excessive use of closed brackets.
Word Count: ~2000
Summary: Because sure it’s painful to hurt the one you love, but every single time they forgave each other and every single time it was reassuring to know that they loved each other enough to look past all that.
It wasn't always like this. They were once happy, just like any other couple. But lately, it feels like they were only functioning on a game. A game to see who can hurt who more. To see how far the other's willing to forgive before it all turns to pure hate.
The thing is, this wasn't a game they intended to happen. They didn't sit down one day to have a chat and decide that they should just start playing. No, this was a game of the worst kind. It was the kind with no set of ground rules. It was the kind they both wouldn't admit to. It was the kind they refuse to back out of.
It started out pretty tamely. Neither of them probably noticed what they were doing at first. But they both knew it all began when the management started to seriously warn them on the consequences of their public display of affection
Harry understood, he really did. He understood that being in a boy band meant that he had to make every girl in the world fall in love with him. He understood that good music alone was never going to be enough to help them reach the status of fame they currently hold already. He needed to play the part as well. And if that meant that Louis and him couldn’t be together in public, then so be it.
Harry played by the rules at first. He was even fine when they gave Louis Eleanor to parade around with. Bu fuc it sucks having to put up a façade every single second of the day. He loathed the fact that they couldn’t just be themselves with each other when there were people around. Pained him to have to keep still in interviews and not have any sort of physical contact with Louis even though every inch of him felt like they were being pulled towards Louis. It felt like fighting nature.
So Zayn became a distraction. Partly because Harry is good friends with him too and the fact that he has the looks of an aftershave commercial model doesn’t hurt (Harry’s always had an appreciation for beauty) but mainly because Zayn understands - he doesn’t question anything.
Whenever Harry feels an itch, whenever he desires human contact in the middle of an interview, he would maybe place a hand on Zayn’s or turn to look at him - because he wasn’t Louis, and with him Harry was allowed to.
Interviews and concerts weren’t as terrible then. Zayn was actually handy at times. But then Louis decides he should have his own distraction too. That’s where Liam comes in. They dance together in concerts and they gush on about their girlfriends together to the media. And before Harry knew it, he turns to rely on Zayn again (Harry’s never really liked losing in anything).
And this is why Zayn is a great ally. He doesn’t act surprised or look curious for too long when Harry suddenly becomes even touchier than he usually is with him. He steals a glance at Louis and Liam and Harry thinks he’s got it figured out by himself. Probably feels the same way Harry does. Probably wants the same thing.
One night on tour, while Louis and Liam were out with their girlfriends so the world could see just what brilliant boyfriends they are (Harry hates how Louis and Eleanor actually became friends), Niall goes out to grab dinner with the band because the room lsquo;feels too much like a fucking REM song where everybody fucking hurts’.
“Do you ever, like sometimes, wonder if we fell in love with the wrong people?”
Harry stops humming the words ‘sometimes everybody cries&rsquo in his head and removes his head from Zayn’s lap to turn to look at him. ”What do you mean?” Harry loves Zayn’s random thoughtful musings so he was genuinely curious to find out.
“Like if we had fallen in love with each other instead,” Zayn starts, then turns to look at the door. “Well, it would’ve been much easier wouldn’t it? You get what I’m saying?”
That’s when Harry finally thinks Oh so you do love Liam Although he doesn’t say it out loud because he thinks he really should have noticed it much sooner and him not realizing it before tonight made him a pretty crappy friend.
Zayn doesn’t say anything after that, possibly to give Harry time to think about his words through and through. But at that exact moment Louis and Liam and Eleanor and Danielle all walk into the room looking happy and all that shit couples fucking are - and Harry lands his gaze on the sight of them instead.
Louis catches his eyes and walks straight towards him (he feels a part of him starting to lighten up already) and Eleanor follows even though she isn’t invited (he doesn’t want to strangle her, no). They sit next to him and start talking to him how terrible the restaurant they went to was, and he tries really hard to look like he’s listening.
Liam kisses Danielle and Zayn flinches involuntarily next to him. That’s when Harry says, “Yea, you’re probably right.” He puts an arm around Zayn’s shoulder to show his support - and it feels like Louis’ eyes are burning through his skull.
It always feels strange to him though. They never really talk about it in private. Not really. When they’re together they talk about everything but their life at the moment. They talk about long days of summer and how nice it’d be to go back to Australia and feel the sun on their skin. They talk about how they miss the people back home. But they don’t mention a single word of Eleanor or even Zayn and Liam - not unless Niall was mentioned too.
And it never really bothers Harry when they’re together because in these moments Louis was all he could see and hear and feel - and nothing else mattered. But it’s the times where Harry literally has to stop himself from thinking about everything too much that it matters. It matters a goddamn lot.
But then the morning comes and they’re back to their original rhythm. In one concert Harry sees Liam whispering (too closely) in Louis’ ears, and he starts to feel this itch again. He grabs Zayn’s sleeve and they run backstage together. The fans grew wild (Harry hears som “OMG Zarry!”) and there was next to no chance that Louis would’ve missed that. Zayn stays quiet as Harry grabs some air, lately they feel like they’ve been slipping away from him, then rests a hand on Harry’s shoulder and tells him, “Come one mate, we’ve got to get out there again.”
Louis ignores him for the rest of the concert.
That night Louis finally mentions their game. But he didn’t say it for what it really was. No, they weren’t ready to say it out loud just yet. Instead Louis says, “He doesn’t like it any more than we do y’know? It hurts him too.”
Harry stops playing with the stubble on Louis’ face. “Who? Liam?” he asks. Louis nods. Harry wasn’t a hundred percent sure of what they were talking about, if they were on the same page or even the same book, but Louis’ mind travels in the same wavelength with him most of the time - so he took his chances. He thinks about the time Zayn flinches beside him and shrugs lightly. “Sometimes I think he deserves it,” he says, very quietly as if it were a secret (wants to say ‘sometimes I thin yo deserve it&rsquo instead).
“I know you do,” Louis says just as quietly and, after a moment of silence, laughs at the television set. Harry is more than willing to play along even though a part of him really hopes that Louis had gotten the message.
And since Louis had made it his mission to concentrate on the television, Harry’s mind floats to Louis’ words and he wonders if there really isn’t any part of him that doesn’t enjoy the game. Because sure it’s painful to hurt the one you love - heck every time he noticed Louis grow silent with those angry, stony eyes, he wondered if he had gone too far this time (and the thought terrified him), and every time Louis looks away to hide his face from him, he felt like crying and screaming at him - but every single time they forgave each other and every single time it was reassuring to know that they loved each other enough to look past all that.
So they up the ante.
It is not until their latest interview, where Liam had sat next to Louis and Louis had rested the palm of his hand on Liam’s leg, that he finally feels he had gone too far. It was Zayn who initiated contact with him by complimenting his dimples and he responds with a compliment just as affectionate. Louis’ hand tightened its grasp on Liam’s leg and noticing that made something in Harry itch even more.
When the interview reaches a point where Harry and Zayn are linking their arms around each other’s, the interviewer asks: “So it seems to me that the budding romance in this group has shifted from Harry and Louis to Harry and Zayn. Am I right?”
Harry’s eyes immediately turn to Louis but Louis laughs manically over this one and pretends to wipe his forehead. “Eleanor’s sure going to be glad to hear that one!” he says, as if it was the best joke in the world and this time, for the first time ever, Harry feels like strangling him.
It was also the first time ever that Harry feared they weren’t travelling on the same wavelength anymore, so that night he says it to make sure. He finally says it again after what feels like decades of assuming they didn’t need to hear it to know.
“Louis,” he starts and props himself up on his elbow so that the older of the two had nowhere else to look but him. “Louis, I love you. Just you. I love you and only you,” he says it in the most sincere way he could and with a sense of such urgency that he can only hope Louis gets.
Louis looks surprised and then turns to look concerned. “Yeah, and I love you. Harry, is something the matter?”
“But you know that right? Everyday? Everyday, you know that right?”
Louis props himself up on his elbows too now and rests one hand on Harry’s arm. “Of course I do,” he says, still looking concerned. “Just as I hope you know that I love you too. Everyday and no matter what,” Louis says, his voice going soft because Harry is looking like he’s about to break.
At the sound of this, Harry’s chest feels so heavy and so full of emotions that he grabs Louis’ face and kisses the older boy to stop himself from crying. And as he feels the trail of Louis’ fingers on his neck and shoulder, he starts to lose his place in this world. And when he Louis kisses his forehead as they break the kiss, he cradles himself in Louis’ arms and finds himself falling asleep hoping that tomorrow he’d still remember
The itches still come but the game doesn’t feel like much of a game anymore. And Harry thinks it’s because he isn’t curious anymore. He doesn’t need to hurt Louis anymore just to assure himself that no matter how far he went Louis would forgive him. Louis would still love him. He knew that already