life sucks...
you know... I can't really talk about this in my myspace... so I guess I'll speak of it here... everyone should know about nicole by now... and everyone should know how much I love her... this woman is my everything... when I think of perfection... I think of her... never is there a time where she's not in my thoughts... ... ... on thursday night... she told me she's prolly going to move to Missouri in the next couple years... her parents want to move there... and she doesn't want to leave them... what hurts most... is the fact that she says that they're all she has... she constantly states that if they leave she'll be alone... and that hurts... she's not even living at home right now... hasn't been for months... yet... she apparently has no one... she's been living with our other friend's... which we found out she's related to... it was funny... but that's not what this is about... to me... she said a lot more than "I'm moving"... and sure... I have at least a year with her... but that's not a long time... everyone thinks it is... but it's not... to me it might as well be tomorrow... and hat year is just us getting even closer than we are right now... so it'll hurt that much more to watch her go... she tells me to not fear change... but I don't think it's me that fears it... her whole life has been her family moving... at one point she was in germany... another in another state... another here again... always with her family... to me... that's the same thing over and over again... this isn't change to her... it's the same... staying would be change... and she wouldn't be alone... she has me and all her friends... she has a place to stay... people she can count on...
I know it sounds selfish for me to want her to stay... but I know what it's like to be nowhere near home... and to me... this is home... to her this is home she even said it... her heart lies here... same as mine... and I will be leaving soon as well... but it's not for across the country... but it isn't because anyone else is making me or asking me to... it was my decision... I'll be leaving for san luis obispo... that's four hours away... roughly... and I'll be living up there... not here... there... sure... I'll be back down here to visit... but... for a couple years... I'll be gone... and that was my decision when I was 10... and I stand by it... I KNOW it's the right thing for me to do... she still has her doubts... she wants to make it work... reasoning it out... she still hasn't made her decision...
and that's why I've made mine already... I'm going to spend as much time as I can with her... she obviously wants the same... frankly all I can do is wait... I pray that she does stay... but it's not my decision to make... all I can do is sit here and watch... I've waited my whole life for someone as amazing as she is... and I've already told her I'd be devastated if she left... but... we'll see how things go...
thank you for your time...
I just needed to get some things off my chest...
-ffej
I know it sounds selfish for me to want her to stay... but I know what it's like to be nowhere near home... and to me... this is home... to her this is home she even said it... her heart lies here... same as mine... and I will be leaving soon as well... but it's not for across the country... but it isn't because anyone else is making me or asking me to... it was my decision... I'll be leaving for san luis obispo... that's four hours away... roughly... and I'll be living up there... not here... there... sure... I'll be back down here to visit... but... for a couple years... I'll be gone... and that was my decision when I was 10... and I stand by it... I KNOW it's the right thing for me to do... she still has her doubts... she wants to make it work... reasoning it out... she still hasn't made her decision...
and that's why I've made mine already... I'm going to spend as much time as I can with her... she obviously wants the same... frankly all I can do is wait... I pray that she does stay... but it's not my decision to make... all I can do is sit here and watch... I've waited my whole life for someone as amazing as she is... and I've already told her I'd be devastated if she left... but... we'll see how things go...
thank you for your time...
I just needed to get some things off my chest...
-ffej