(no subject)
yesterday afternoon was probably the happiest ive ever been in my life-no joke. im not even kidding. im just, blah cant even say it.but there is still that one problem. i cant be fully happy knowing what i did and am doing to the other one everyday. i go and i see laura and its like the time is gone before i even know it, im just floating in a sea of euphoria. but then i go home, take a shower and feel guilty cuz there;s someone else out there who has cared for me a long time and ive gone nothing but hurt her by dating laura, and virginia, and erin, andso on ans so forth. its..arrg. its like in grand theft auto where yave got 60 cops chasing ya and ur health
's real low and ur in a corner with no ammo but you know once you die you can always restart the game over. here, not so. ive screwed myself into a corner as far as how ive treated jess and..my decisions and attitudes affect my life forever, and im starting to realize how i affect others. and not in a good way.
but then, after i feel guilty i catch a whiff of laura's scent on the shirt i wore that night and ohh its nice. im gone again to that perfect woman who i love by the beaches, but the other girl is always in the back of my mind, tearin me apart because i want her to find someone, bee happy like i am. but for whatever reason she cant. and that kills me...and of course i dont help the situation with my ass-holery flirt fuck ways back before laura. i honestly feel ive learned from this and if laura dumps me it will not be business as usual as in my past when single. more responsible i hope. i can see what i want to be and feel that ive reached that. but only a test will tell. andd i hope that test never comes, for i could not be happier than i am right now. unless jess were happy. but that wont stop me from being as good a guy to laura as i can, for she has won me through and through.
's real low and ur in a corner with no ammo but you know once you die you can always restart the game over. here, not so. ive screwed myself into a corner as far as how ive treated jess and..my decisions and attitudes affect my life forever, and im starting to realize how i affect others. and not in a good way.
but then, after i feel guilty i catch a whiff of laura's scent on the shirt i wore that night and ohh its nice. im gone again to that perfect woman who i love by the beaches, but the other girl is always in the back of my mind, tearin me apart because i want her to find someone, bee happy like i am. but for whatever reason she cant. and that kills me...and of course i dont help the situation with my ass-holery flirt fuck ways back before laura. i honestly feel ive learned from this and if laura dumps me it will not be business as usual as in my past when single. more responsible i hope. i can see what i want to be and feel that ive reached that. but only a test will tell. andd i hope that test never comes, for i could not be happier than i am right now. unless jess were happy. but that wont stop me from being as good a guy to laura as i can, for she has won me through and through.