More emo splatter
So yes I've made a realization today
I really don't miss the man
the man is a miserable lump of a human who needs someone (quite litteraly to live)
the man calls me on my cell at least 30 times a day
I need to empty out my voicemail box 3x a day
do not miss the man
the man treated me like crap
threw me around like rag doll and almost killed my son
and time in a rehab center and pills have cured him?
*snort* I think not
The reason I think I stayed with him for so long is because I have this image in my head of a happy family, You know the one, 2 happy parents smiling baby 2 steady jobs and a good home
I thought he would stop when I became pregnant
he didnt
I thought he would be there for the baby
he wasnt
and now the idiot says hes changed and needs me back?
I may be depresed and overworked and stressed but Ill kill before I go back to that peice of shit home.
I didnt want to do this alone
but he gave me no choice
I may be willing to throw my life in a shit hole
but not my sons
I will go through hell and back if thats what it takes to give him a happy life
I want a FAMILY god dammit!
I didnt want to be a single mom liveing in a small one room apartment with a 3 month old
no money
no car
piss poor job
I tried so damn hard
I put my soul into makeing that home a family and EVERY time it was shoved back in my face
most often with the brusises there to remind me and words ringing in my ear
I dont even have time to pick up the peices
I just have to shove them back where they never belonged in the first place and hope I have non left over.
I think I only let 2 people know how bad wayne treated me
I was/am embaressed
Im not that person
Im not that pathetic
or at least I know enough not to be that pathetic
which just makes things worse
I want to stop I want to just curl up and heal
but theirs no time
just little snatches of my dads computer every night until 1 am when my body demands sleep after a 8 hour work day and the baby
I KNOW I need to sleep but my soul just needs this time
to just do what I want on a comp
I feel empty and tired
and it feel like theirs not much left in me
but I surpise myself every day
get outof bed take good care of my lovely son
and work my ass off to make a better life
all I can hope for is that eventually Ill get used to a lack of sleep
I really don't miss the man
the man is a miserable lump of a human who needs someone (quite litteraly to live)
the man calls me on my cell at least 30 times a day
I need to empty out my voicemail box 3x a day
do not miss the man
the man treated me like crap
threw me around like rag doll and almost killed my son
and time in a rehab center and pills have cured him?
*snort* I think not
The reason I think I stayed with him for so long is because I have this image in my head of a happy family, You know the one, 2 happy parents smiling baby 2 steady jobs and a good home
I thought he would stop when I became pregnant
he didnt
I thought he would be there for the baby
he wasnt
and now the idiot says hes changed and needs me back?
I may be depresed and overworked and stressed but Ill kill before I go back to that peice of shit home.
I didnt want to do this alone
but he gave me no choice
I may be willing to throw my life in a shit hole
but not my sons
I will go through hell and back if thats what it takes to give him a happy life
I want a FAMILY god dammit!
I didnt want to be a single mom liveing in a small one room apartment with a 3 month old
no money
no car
piss poor job
I tried so damn hard
I put my soul into makeing that home a family and EVERY time it was shoved back in my face
most often with the brusises there to remind me and words ringing in my ear
I dont even have time to pick up the peices
I just have to shove them back where they never belonged in the first place and hope I have non left over.
I think I only let 2 people know how bad wayne treated me
I was/am embaressed
Im not that person
Im not that pathetic
or at least I know enough not to be that pathetic
which just makes things worse
I want to stop I want to just curl up and heal
but theirs no time
just little snatches of my dads computer every night until 1 am when my body demands sleep after a 8 hour work day and the baby
I KNOW I need to sleep but my soul just needs this time
to just do what I want on a comp
I feel empty and tired
and it feel like theirs not much left in me
but I surpise myself every day
get outof bed take good care of my lovely son
and work my ass off to make a better life
all I can hope for is that eventually Ill get used to a lack of sleep