Danger Will Robinson Danger! Angst and Alcohol Ahead!
Was an extreamly bad Idea *opens a bottle of wine* now don't get me wrong. I hold no illusion that this will make my problems go away, quite the contrary. As I sit here steadly getting drunker I hope I'll open up and put down feeling into words. I always feel better when I put my feeling into words. Even if I am shitty at doing it. I dont need you to tell me I have no real reason to angst over, I know very clearly that Im an idot, I got what I wanted an now all I can to is piss and moan over how miserable I am to myself. All I can do is bury myself in books, school, and alchole instead of being an adult stepping up to the plate and takeing up the ass like a good human being ...... although I dont think other humans take it very well considering the sales of anti depressants ....
Im thinking about shutting up now before I open my big mouth and delete this post before it can even finish in my head ( not that I really know where its going but meh) But I dont think I will
cuz I just realize That this is for me Fuck you and what you think of me and my spoiled rotten ass
wealth means nothing if your not happy
an overused phrase but true none the less (speaking of which you know What I heard? Bill Gates is bored! HAH!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!Jesus christ man get a hobby)
but on the other hand its really hard to apprecitat your loved one in a one room shack with no heat, water or eletricity so ya that train goes both ways
anyway where Was I? Oh well lets just keep going shall we?
I talked to my shrink the other day
told her I was tired of being a scatterbrained idiot that losed everything and cant remember things that someone just told her
Im tired of just haveing to tell people "Ya well Im an Idiot so dont really rely on me" and putting on a smile so they know Im joking
Dont get me wrong I like being stupid sometime (Shuddup this isnt a pity party this is a statement of fact) People get used to you being there and dont really rely on you
no real responsibilty
I Love My Dad
I really do Ive admired him since I was a kid
Both my parents worked there asses off for me and I Relize that and I Love them very much
I go out to eat with them I go to family things I sit and eat dinner with them everynight I hang out with my mom and go shopping I do things with my dad I do certain things around the house
So Why does that phrase "You know I love you " accomanied by sad , oh she just doesent understand, look happen every fuckin other day YES DAD YOUVE GIVEN UP PEICES AND PARTS OF YOUR LIFE TO MAKE ME AND MY MOM HAPPY AND RELIZE AND ADORE YOU FOR THAT, WHY THE FUCK CANT YOU SEE I LOVE YOU TO
>.o Im sorry I dont spend more thatn 5 hours a day with you but JESUS CHRIST WHERE NOT ON THE FARM WHERE I HAVE TO HELP YOU MILK OLD BESS OUT BACK AT 4 FUCKIN AM
hmm its just dawned on me I have to clarify a bit
Rian (My boyfreind) has moved down here with me (which has cropped up a whole new batch of issues for later.. or never)
much to my shock my parents have said yes and are letting him live out back
now in reality my dad is VERY unhappy with this
but relizes its either this or I move up there
and he'd rather have us closer to him *shudder*
(OH DEAR JOB GOD SEND US BOTH YOUR BLESSING SO WE MAY MOVE OUT QUICKER AMEN)
Oh and let me clarify another thing
BOTH my parents work for the LSU Health Care System
my dad as an accountant and my mom as ... something I forget
so ya Basicly my dads job has been hell the past couple of months
Both me and my mom have taken this extra stress instride
(even though my has it just as bad as she does)
NOW piled on top of that he has Rian piddleing about
Hes trying to deal with the fact that his baby girl IS a women
a drunk women at the moment, but he doesnt need to know the drunk part
even when I went to collage some part of him always was in denile
well now that proofs is sitting in our house
Hes torn in between wanting to have us close and kicking us out of the house
...
HOW FUCKING DARE HE THAT SON OF BITCH
I LOVE HIM AND ADORE HIM AND I WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY
AND HE HAS THE NERVE TO TRY BE ANGRY WITH ME FOR NOT DOING ENOUGH
OH SORRY DAD COULDNT TEACH RIAN HOW TO DRIVE I HAVE A TAKE HOME FINLE
SORRY DAD CANT WAKE UP AT 5 AM LIKE YOU DO ( you know that always makes me angry, just because I have a diffrent sleep scheduel doesnt mean I fuckin get less done, being LAZY gets less done!)
SORRY DAD IM NOT A WORKAHOLIC THAT SPENDS 12 HOURS A DAY DEADICATED TO A JOB I HATE LIKE YOU!!!
....Okay that really didnt make me feel better but Im still gonna post
I think
Right Ive only got a little bit left in the bottle so Im gonna cap it off and say goodnight to anyone out there reading this so fuck this shit and gooday
Im thinking about shutting up now before I open my big mouth and delete this post before it can even finish in my head ( not that I really know where its going but meh) But I dont think I will
cuz I just realize That this is for me Fuck you and what you think of me and my spoiled rotten ass
wealth means nothing if your not happy
an overused phrase but true none the less (speaking of which you know What I heard? Bill Gates is bored! HAH!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!Jesus christ man get a hobby)
but on the other hand its really hard to apprecitat your loved one in a one room shack with no heat, water or eletricity so ya that train goes both ways
anyway where Was I? Oh well lets just keep going shall we?
I talked to my shrink the other day
told her I was tired of being a scatterbrained idiot that losed everything and cant remember things that someone just told her
Im tired of just haveing to tell people "Ya well Im an Idiot so dont really rely on me" and putting on a smile so they know Im joking
Dont get me wrong I like being stupid sometime (Shuddup this isnt a pity party this is a statement of fact) People get used to you being there and dont really rely on you
no real responsibilty
I Love My Dad
I really do Ive admired him since I was a kid
Both my parents worked there asses off for me and I Relize that and I Love them very much
I go out to eat with them I go to family things I sit and eat dinner with them everynight I hang out with my mom and go shopping I do things with my dad I do certain things around the house
So Why does that phrase "You know I love you " accomanied by sad , oh she just doesent understand, look happen every fuckin other day YES DAD YOUVE GIVEN UP PEICES AND PARTS OF YOUR LIFE TO MAKE ME AND MY MOM HAPPY AND RELIZE AND ADORE YOU FOR THAT, WHY THE FUCK CANT YOU SEE I LOVE YOU TO
>.o Im sorry I dont spend more thatn 5 hours a day with you but JESUS CHRIST WHERE NOT ON THE FARM WHERE I HAVE TO HELP YOU MILK OLD BESS OUT BACK AT 4 FUCKIN AM
hmm its just dawned on me I have to clarify a bit
Rian (My boyfreind) has moved down here with me (which has cropped up a whole new batch of issues for later.. or never)
much to my shock my parents have said yes and are letting him live out back
now in reality my dad is VERY unhappy with this
but relizes its either this or I move up there
and he'd rather have us closer to him *shudder*
(OH DEAR JOB GOD SEND US BOTH YOUR BLESSING SO WE MAY MOVE OUT QUICKER AMEN)
Oh and let me clarify another thing
BOTH my parents work for the LSU Health Care System
my dad as an accountant and my mom as ... something I forget
so ya Basicly my dads job has been hell the past couple of months
Both me and my mom have taken this extra stress instride
(even though my has it just as bad as she does)
NOW piled on top of that he has Rian piddleing about
Hes trying to deal with the fact that his baby girl IS a women
a drunk women at the moment, but he doesnt need to know the drunk part
even when I went to collage some part of him always was in denile
well now that proofs is sitting in our house
Hes torn in between wanting to have us close and kicking us out of the house
...
HOW FUCKING DARE HE THAT SON OF BITCH
I LOVE HIM AND ADORE HIM AND I WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY
AND HE HAS THE NERVE TO TRY BE ANGRY WITH ME FOR NOT DOING ENOUGH
OH SORRY DAD COULDNT TEACH RIAN HOW TO DRIVE I HAVE A TAKE HOME FINLE
SORRY DAD CANT WAKE UP AT 5 AM LIKE YOU DO ( you know that always makes me angry, just because I have a diffrent sleep scheduel doesnt mean I fuckin get less done, being LAZY gets less done!)
SORRY DAD IM NOT A WORKAHOLIC THAT SPENDS 12 HOURS A DAY DEADICATED TO A JOB I HATE LIKE YOU!!!
....Okay that really didnt make me feel better but Im still gonna post
I think
Right Ive only got a little bit left in the bottle so Im gonna cap it off and say goodnight to anyone out there reading this so fuck this shit and gooday