Wet face
Why is this happening? Why couldn't I just tell him how I felt? Tell him that something was wrong? Because something is wrong. Something is wrong with all of them and I don't know what. I'm just so scared of what will happen. I'm scared of what could happen. I act as though it hasn't already happened. I feel it has, but a part of me has a little tiny bit of hope. I always have that little spark of hope, even when I know there is none. Like when I haven't studied at all for a test, and I have that feeling that I just might pass. False hope I guess. I'm not sure if anything's worth hoping for anymore. I just choke when I think I'm going to say something that's bothering me. I don't say it. Because I fear what will happen. I fear what I will get in return. I can't always "do the right thing." I'm only human and not perfect. I'm more fragile than most of you guys think. I crumble at the littlest of things. And I'm not exaggerating. Any small, stupid, insignificant thing will make me flood. But this isn't any small, stupid, or insignificant thing. I hope at least that they're happy whatever they're doing. I still don't know what they're thinking, and again, I'm terrified to find out. The door's been slamming in my face. I'm not sure if it would ever open.
****Edit: So, I just realized how much the song I'm listening to fits the mood and the rant and the whole issue.
****Edit Part 2: Here are the lyrics to the song
"A Mistake"
I'm gonna make a mistake
I'm gonna do it on purpose
I'm gonna waste my time
'Cause I'm full as a tick
And I'm scratching at the surface
And what I find is mine
And when the day is done, and I look back
And the fact is I had fun, fumbling around
All the advice I shunned, and I ran
Where they told me not to run, but I sure
Had fun, so
I'm gonna fuck it up again
I'm gonna do another detour
Unpave my path
And if you wanna make sense
Whatcha looking at me for
I'm no good at math
And when I find my way back,
The fact is I just may stay, or I may not
I've acquired quite a taste
For a wellmade mistake
I wanna mistake why can't I make a mistake?
I'm always doing what I think I should
Almost always doing everybody good
Why
Do I wanna do right, of course but
Do I really wanna feel I'm forced to
Answer you, hell no
I've acquired quite a taste
For a wellmade mistake, I wanna
Make a mistake, why can't I make a mistake
I'm always doing what I think I should
Almost always doing everybody good
Why
****Edit: So, I just realized how much the song I'm listening to fits the mood and the rant and the whole issue.
****Edit Part 2: Here are the lyrics to the song
"A Mistake"
I'm gonna make a mistake
I'm gonna do it on purpose
I'm gonna waste my time
'Cause I'm full as a tick
And I'm scratching at the surface
And what I find is mine
And when the day is done, and I look back
And the fact is I had fun, fumbling around
All the advice I shunned, and I ran
Where they told me not to run, but I sure
Had fun, so
I'm gonna fuck it up again
I'm gonna do another detour
Unpave my path
And if you wanna make sense
Whatcha looking at me for
I'm no good at math
And when I find my way back,
The fact is I just may stay, or I may not
I've acquired quite a taste
For a wellmade mistake
I wanna mistake why can't I make a mistake?
I'm always doing what I think I should
Almost always doing everybody good
Why
Do I wanna do right, of course but
Do I really wanna feel I'm forced to
Answer you, hell no
I've acquired quite a taste
For a wellmade mistake, I wanna
Make a mistake, why can't I make a mistake
I'm always doing what I think I should
Almost always doing everybody good
Why