4 long years
4 years since we last spoke, and tonight that was broken. Words can't begin to explain how I feel about her. Maybe only one person knows about her, that is how rarely I speak of her and my feelings towards her. Things have changed though, she no longer sees me the way she once did, the way she saw me before I messed up. I would give anything to spend one night with her. Just to hold her and look into her eyes and feel what I once felt in her presence. I know they say that love in high school does not exist, but she has brought me as close to it as possible. For those of you that do not understand how I feel about her, or at least to give you an idea, I would in an instant trade my entire music career for her. How I messed up, I run it back and forth in my head every now and then. Almost as another execration of mine. She has a boyfriend now though, going on a year and four months. I miss her more then anything, knowing she is with another guy destroys me, but knowing she is happy makes me just want to see her with him so I can smile. She saw in me what few others did. I messed it up, I have myself to blame for not being with her today. 4 long years, only to be broken to learn she is happy with another guy. At least I have the comfort of knowing she is happy and safe. This is one of those things which push me into the Music. Would I give it up for her? In a heart beat, you wouldn't understand. But I want her, one day, to see me on TV, know that I made something out of myself, and just think to herself the good times we spent together. As much as I like a challenge, and accepting them, this is one which I wish I did not have to face. This is one which I wish I could have handed to me, and this is one, which even as stubborn as I am, I know I cannot win. She knows I still care for her, she knows I am still in love with her, she knows it damn well, but what good does that do? I have always told myself I am a better boyfriend then majority of guys out there. Care to explain to me what happened this time? How of all the girls I have had relationships with, I lost the one that meant the most to me? I wish I could say her part of me is put to rest knowing she is happy with this guy, but it is not. Maybe it is, and I just do not want to accept it. Either way, as good of a guy I may be, whether she sees it or not, I messed up, simple as that. No amount of time, no amount of words, no amount of feelings is going to change that and that is something I need to accept and live with. If only I would not have been so into Music back in Middle school and actually applied to CR instead of auditioning. I would give all of this up just for her. Long entry, I'm tired, and I desperately need to get this off my mind for my own good.
Take care
- Miguel
Take care
- Miguel