Xanax anyone?
I really think I've got to dip into the xanax reserves.... and they are pretty low. Why can't I just be over him? Just talking to him today almost brings me to my knees. How ridiculous is that? He summons, I obey. I feel like this little submissive puppy willing to do whatever he wants, when he wants regardless of the consequences. Oh, and how swift and severe the consequences will be. Not for him, but for my self esteem, my mind, my soul. Is there a cure for this feeling of utter desperation? I adore him... why? He doesn't adore me... not even close. I have told him things I have absolutely never told another living soul. Ever. I gave him the ammunition to shoot me down. I told him my fears, my dreams, my secret hopes I was scared to put into words.... I did it for him, for me, for us... I thought there would be an "us". I really did.
You know how you just KNOW something is right? Well for me its quite rare... just a few times in my life was I really sure. I really KNEW. This was one of those times. I just KNEW we were meant to be. That sounds so juvenile. I am well aware that it does. It just felt right, sparks... fireworks... the whole idiotic array of bullshit that cupid brings to your door. All of it. I believed in it. Sign me up. Baptize me. I'm yours. F-U-C-K.
Yeah, thats it. Fuck it. Fuck me. Fuck off.
You know how you just KNOW something is right? Well for me its quite rare... just a few times in my life was I really sure. I really KNEW. This was one of those times. I just KNEW we were meant to be. That sounds so juvenile. I am well aware that it does. It just felt right, sparks... fireworks... the whole idiotic array of bullshit that cupid brings to your door. All of it. I believed in it. Sign me up. Baptize me. I'm yours. F-U-C-K.
Yeah, thats it. Fuck it. Fuck me. Fuck off.