too funny
Keep Your Jesus Off My Penis by Eric Schwartz
Keep your Jesus off my penis; keep your Bible off my balls
Keep your prayers outta my ears and your crosses off my walls.
You can keep the Virgin Mother and the Resurrection too.
But keep your Jesus off my penis and I'll keep my penis off of you.
Well I'm frickin' sick 'n' tired of turning on the news
And seein' the Religious Right's ungodly fight to take our right to choose
When to bear our children, who to love and how
Education and protection if we're just practicing for now
So Dubya, look, obey a book, if that's what works for you
But I don't tell you how to pray, so you don't tell me how to screw!
Keep your Jesus off my penis; keep your Bible off my balls
Keep your prayers outta my ears and your crosses off my walls.
You can keep the Virgin Mother and the Resurrection too.
But keep your Jesus off my penis and I'll keep my penis off of you.
So you're screaming bloody murder 'bout the Taliban regime
Subjugating women and being too extreme
And basing legislation on some ancient holy book
That sound a bit familiar? Here's a mirror: have a look!
And as for the Ten Commandments, they need one more at least:
Thou shalt never cover up the acts of pervert priests.
Now how'd they let that happen, unless they just abhor us
Well anyway, it adds another layer to the chorus:
Keep your Jesus off my penis; keep your Bible off my balls
Keep your prayers outta my ears and your crosses off my walls.
You can keep the Virgin Mother and the Resurrection too.
But keep your Jesus off my penis and I'll keep my penis off of you.
So you'll execute a person, and protect a single cell
But mercy-kill the terminally ill and you're going straight to hell.
Well I don't know much about the Word of God; far be it from me
But I can tell you what it ain't: Hypochristianity!
Now I'm not anti-Christian, before you grab a rope
There is beauty in religion, and joy and love and hope
And we're all looking for an Answer, some Colossal Cosmic Cause
But who the fuck are you to turn your views into my laws?!
It's just believers in the Bible that would have abortion banned.
Anti-choice agnostics? I could count 'em on one hand!
And as for killing babies, I have but one retort:
If someone raped your daughter, George, you'd beg her to abort.
And if some young girl from your church shows up with child, or some infection
'Cause you taught her what horrid sin it was to use protection
Well one day you'll face the Pearly Gates, and what're you gonna say
When that longhaired Jewish peacenik sends your ass the other way?
Sayin’ "Keep your Jesus off my penis; keep your Bible off my balls
Keep your prayers outta my ears and your crosses off my walls.
Look I've had it up to here with all the bibli-bile you spew
So keep your Jesus off my penis - at least, that's what I would do."
Keep your Jesus off your penis, I'll keep my penis off of you
That is, if you want me to (heh heh heh)
Thanks to 4got10one for the fabulous link.
Keep your Jesus off my penis; keep your Bible off my balls
Keep your prayers outta my ears and your crosses off my walls.
You can keep the Virgin Mother and the Resurrection too.
But keep your Jesus off my penis and I'll keep my penis off of you.
Well I'm frickin' sick 'n' tired of turning on the news
And seein' the Religious Right's ungodly fight to take our right to choose
When to bear our children, who to love and how
Education and protection if we're just practicing for now
So Dubya, look, obey a book, if that's what works for you
But I don't tell you how to pray, so you don't tell me how to screw!
Keep your Jesus off my penis; keep your Bible off my balls
Keep your prayers outta my ears and your crosses off my walls.
You can keep the Virgin Mother and the Resurrection too.
But keep your Jesus off my penis and I'll keep my penis off of you.
So you're screaming bloody murder 'bout the Taliban regime
Subjugating women and being too extreme
And basing legislation on some ancient holy book
That sound a bit familiar? Here's a mirror: have a look!
And as for the Ten Commandments, they need one more at least:
Thou shalt never cover up the acts of pervert priests.
Now how'd they let that happen, unless they just abhor us
Well anyway, it adds another layer to the chorus:
Keep your Jesus off my penis; keep your Bible off my balls
Keep your prayers outta my ears and your crosses off my walls.
You can keep the Virgin Mother and the Resurrection too.
But keep your Jesus off my penis and I'll keep my penis off of you.
So you'll execute a person, and protect a single cell
But mercy-kill the terminally ill and you're going straight to hell.
Well I don't know much about the Word of God; far be it from me
But I can tell you what it ain't: Hypochristianity!
Now I'm not anti-Christian, before you grab a rope
There is beauty in religion, and joy and love and hope
And we're all looking for an Answer, some Colossal Cosmic Cause
But who the fuck are you to turn your views into my laws?!
It's just believers in the Bible that would have abortion banned.
Anti-choice agnostics? I could count 'em on one hand!
And as for killing babies, I have but one retort:
If someone raped your daughter, George, you'd beg her to abort.
And if some young girl from your church shows up with child, or some infection
'Cause you taught her what horrid sin it was to use protection
Well one day you'll face the Pearly Gates, and what're you gonna say
When that longhaired Jewish peacenik sends your ass the other way?
Sayin’ "Keep your Jesus off my penis; keep your Bible off my balls
Keep your prayers outta my ears and your crosses off my walls.
Look I've had it up to here with all the bibli-bile you spew
So keep your Jesus off my penis - at least, that's what I would do."
Keep your Jesus off your penis, I'll keep my penis off of you
That is, if you want me to (heh heh heh)
Thanks to 4got10one for the fabulous link.