STICKIN' IT TO THE MAN

[pacevirgin]

Alright, so I'm sure I'll get in a shitload of trouble for what I'm about to do, but I figure, if I constantly get yelled at for something I'm not doing, I might as well do it. Okay, I absolutely love my boyfriend to death. But here lately it seems like all we do is fight. And not to throw it all on him, but the majority of these fights are sparked by him, not me. Sure I do things that arent neccisarily (sp?) the right things to do, but damn, I'm only human. It just seems that anytime I speak, I'm being critisized. Which is fine since I'm in high school, but it shouldn't be by my boyfriend. The one who's supposed to DEFEND you, not ATTACK you. The reason I'm saying all this is because today was the breaking point for me, and maybe him too. When we got on the bus this afternoon (it was the first day, by the way) I JOKINGLY made a comment about Crystal* being dumb at everything because she spends all her time practicing the art of Fellatio (oral sex). Though it is probably true, I meant NO harm by what I said and was CLEARLY kidding because I laughed. If I were bitter towards her, I would've said something MUCH meaner and then I wouldn't have laughed. Then I said to Brandon something about Coach Sessions being mean (when might I remind you Daniel, he WROTE YOU UP FOR KISSING MY FOREHEAD!!!!!!) And then I started to casually, yet again, make a STATEMENT about how Bethany always uses her brother as a defense mechanism. A statement I didn't even finish cause I got interupted and called a "shit-talker". It wasn't even a mean, biased thing, I was just pointing out a obvious fact, that Daniel himself has said many times before. Now I totally understand that even thought I may've been kidding or simply stating facts, that it's not nice to do that. And it IS okay to call someone out on it. But HEL-LO, don't you think it might be sort of embarrassing to the person if you decide to do so in front of lots of people. Or that it may piss them off considering you badger them all the time about not publicizing "our" business then do the same thing yourself?!?!?! I just find it incredibly sickening how someone can get so worked up about a bad trait that they carry themselves. It's also one thing to not realize it, but I've told him time and time again that he does things and it's ok but then when I do it, it's a fucking deadly sin. I can NEVER win with him. I hate to say it, but I honestly think he picks fights with me half the time. Again, I LOVE HIM SO FREAKING MUCH, but it's getting to be rough on me. And relationships shouldn't be rough in the way that ours is. I'd hate to take a break, but I've thought it would possibly help. But no no no, Daniel doesn't take breaks. It's all or nothing with him. Thats fine, so lets work crap out. Well we dont see eye to eye on one damn thing. So eliminate that too. Now where does that leave us? A break-up. And I DEFINTELY don't want that. But cmon, how can anyone expect me to be happy when he's picking apart my every move. Every move, might I add, that he's been guilty of also in the past, and believe me, it was perfectly fine then. Going back to the talking smack thing, I don't see why he cares so much. I mean, who is it he loves here, me or the other person? Sometimes you've just got to hold back on comments like that because they aren't worth the hurt feelings of your loved one. Theres times in life where you learn to shut up. But he IS entitled to his own opinion, JUST LIKE ME. Everything I was saying is my OPINION, but NOOOOO, I can't voice them. For what reason? Im not entirely sure. And now since he's grounded, this'll probably carry on into tomorrow morning. Which is lovely. :\ Even if I can go down there later on, he won't wanna talk. He only does when it's convenient for him. Damnit, which goes to another thing. THATS why I try to confide in other people. Because I can't talk to you about it unless YOU are ready to. So instead of going to my BEST FRIEND like I should be allowed to do, I came to my friendly livejournal. ((big smile)) So dont get mad about me letting it out here, I cant go to anyone else. And Im sure as hell not keeping all this to myself again. Until you're ready to talk, I come here. Besides, you made me cry earlier, so GET OVER IT! I love you Daniel Harder, and you better know that. I want us to work at this in a nice friendly manner. Which IS possible. So if you'll let me, I'll come down when you're dad gets home and we'll talk. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. Get the point yet? :) I'll talk to ya in a littlw while.

Ok, I feel ten times better. Hope everyone had a good first day back!!!

Urrka