Leaning heavily.
I've been relying on this thing to be a vent of sorts.
To work through my thoughts and feelings. It's seems to be working...although today I have to fight back this overwhelming urge to cry. I dropped the truck off to get the tires changed. It will take them 4-5 hours to do so, because, of course it would, when what I really want is to leave. Stuck in a lobby of a dealership, the crushing weight of idiotic capitalism, coupled with the dude who randomly sat down next to me to talk about sports, even though I care nothing of sports and want no conversation at all, save for a few words of acknowledgement from her. But I am trying to carry a conversation with the guy because it's obvious that he just needs to talk to someone. And with that only, I can relate. Now I sit, in this shitty little restaurant, perfectly decorated in 70s crappy everything, waitresses without smiles, dead eyed and robotic, plodding along, doing their thing. Sub par food. The type of food that just screams that the cook has given up. Add some green peppers to spice things up type of food. Terrible coffee. It's all so god damn dark and depressing, added to depression/heartache, it's almost too much. I've already decide to give a $100 tip, as I still have the cash from the car deal in my pocket and it's somehow making me even more sad. I might as well make someone happy? (And even that is depressing, that money can make someone happy. Fuck money. People should make you happy. Friendship. Love.) I have half a mind to just drive and do the same thing, until it's all gone. Until it all stops hurting. (But I'll have to wait until about noon to get the truck back, because, of course I would have to. Lol) I hope this passes soon. I don't like how I feel. I don't like who I am right now.