(no subject)
4/23/09-4/23/12
i closed the book on the most beautiful time in my life today.
i mean, many would argue that book closed last may.
today she got a letter, and some flowers, petty to most i know. but that was it. she was the love of my life and the last girl my dad ever saw me happy with.
i'm content with being alone and i can pick up the rest of the pieces in my life now.
" They say you only meet 1 person in your life you can truly identify with, weather that be a significant other or your best friend. for me, i was a very lucky young man, you were my best friend and the love of my life. a year later, i've done everything i can to move on. I've traveled to California, Vegas, even wandered around by myself in the desert.(it's weird, don't try that.) I've attempted to meet someone new, i just find myself comparing and missing you more. I never stopped loving you, not for one second. I still do, very much. The pain and loss I feel everyday from the moment I wake up until i close my eyes is indescribible. I've never felt more hurt about anything. Ending our relationship was a brash childish move on my part as it was an easy solution to a problem that wasn't even fully your's to address. I didn't do it because I didn't love you, I did it because at the time it looked like the only way I could get you to help yourself. I know you'll never see it that way, but it worked, you took control of your life I'm so proud of you. If you asked me a year ago today what I'd be doing on this day, I'd tell you I would be getting down on one knee in front of the Middle East in Cambridge, where our first "actual" date was and shoving a big sparkly ring in your face hoping you dont 1.have a panic attack or 2.laugh at me. I thought it would have been so cool to tell our children that our first date was a Trash Talk gig, because we were "that fucking cool". It's amazing to me how the fast the world turns. I'm facing newer and far more difficult hardships in my daily life today than i was a year ago. I'm a human being, I've made mistakes, nobody is perfect. I'm paying dearly for some of these mistakes dating back to before I even met you right now, I wish you were here to tell me I'm going to get through this. I'd like to think i have a better understanding for who I am now, i'm just taking life one day at a time. You showed me my favorite band, and i taught you what a crankshaft position sensor is. Just know, I love you, I've always loved you, and a year later I still love you. You we're my best friend and the absolute one and only love of my life and I'd do anything someday regain the beautiful life we shared even if it takes me another decade of waiting.It took me about 20 minutes to write this and about a full week of proofreading. I know I never bought you any flowers, because flowers die, and i thought it was a waste of money and kinda lame. I hope this makes up for all those times i should have.
"And I'm finding I'm losing from straining and confusing
I'm left awake, and I'm dead, defeated and dismissed
I should have stayed with you
Minutes away but miles apart" "
i closed the book on the most beautiful time in my life today.
i mean, many would argue that book closed last may.
today she got a letter, and some flowers, petty to most i know. but that was it. she was the love of my life and the last girl my dad ever saw me happy with.
i'm content with being alone and i can pick up the rest of the pieces in my life now.
" They say you only meet 1 person in your life you can truly identify with, weather that be a significant other or your best friend. for me, i was a very lucky young man, you were my best friend and the love of my life. a year later, i've done everything i can to move on. I've traveled to California, Vegas, even wandered around by myself in the desert.(it's weird, don't try that.) I've attempted to meet someone new, i just find myself comparing and missing you more. I never stopped loving you, not for one second. I still do, very much. The pain and loss I feel everyday from the moment I wake up until i close my eyes is indescribible. I've never felt more hurt about anything. Ending our relationship was a brash childish move on my part as it was an easy solution to a problem that wasn't even fully your's to address. I didn't do it because I didn't love you, I did it because at the time it looked like the only way I could get you to help yourself. I know you'll never see it that way, but it worked, you took control of your life I'm so proud of you. If you asked me a year ago today what I'd be doing on this day, I'd tell you I would be getting down on one knee in front of the Middle East in Cambridge, where our first "actual" date was and shoving a big sparkly ring in your face hoping you dont 1.have a panic attack or 2.laugh at me. I thought it would have been so cool to tell our children that our first date was a Trash Talk gig, because we were "that fucking cool". It's amazing to me how the fast the world turns. I'm facing newer and far more difficult hardships in my daily life today than i was a year ago. I'm a human being, I've made mistakes, nobody is perfect. I'm paying dearly for some of these mistakes dating back to before I even met you right now, I wish you were here to tell me I'm going to get through this. I'd like to think i have a better understanding for who I am now, i'm just taking life one day at a time. You showed me my favorite band, and i taught you what a crankshaft position sensor is. Just know, I love you, I've always loved you, and a year later I still love you. You we're my best friend and the absolute one and only love of my life and I'd do anything someday regain the beautiful life we shared even if it takes me another decade of waiting.It took me about 20 minutes to write this and about a full week of proofreading. I know I never bought you any flowers, because flowers die, and i thought it was a waste of money and kinda lame. I hope this makes up for all those times i should have.
"And I'm finding I'm losing from straining and confusing
I'm left awake, and I'm dead, defeated and dismissed
I should have stayed with you
Minutes away but miles apart" "